


Carry You

by NovaeBeSols



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Art, Ben needs one too, Depression, Drama, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Language, F/M, Humor, Literature, M/M, Nice Hux, Past Child Abuse, Rey had a rough past, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo AU Week, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Someone give that girl a hug, Soulmates, Violence, Writing, reylo au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-06-07 10:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 46,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15217493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaeBeSols/pseuds/NovaeBeSols
Summary: Opposites can attract, but not in the case of neighbors Rey Johnson and Benjamin Solo.She is a hardworking, optimistic and independent woman juggling two jobs to get by. He is a cold, rude and self-centered man with a habit of keeping Rey up at night with his constant noise until the wee hours of the morning.But things aren't always what they seem.A terrible accident causes an unexpected development between the two rivals, who are suddenly forced to look at sides of the other that they didn’t know existed. As the walls protecting them both start to crumble, will they realize they had each other wrong all along?A slow-build and slow-burn fic about life, love, friendship and all the struggles encountered along the way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!  
> While I am no stranger to writing fan-fiction, this is my very first post on this site. I've been sitting on a few ideas for this fic for quite some time, and now I've finally gotten around to actually write it. This first chapter works as an introduction to the premise, and I hope you'll enjoy. Feel free to leave me a comment or come worship Reylo with me on twitter ( @novaebesols )  
> NOTE: Additional tags may be added and the rating modified as the fic progresses.  
> ~NovaeBeSols~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Opposites can attract, but not in the case of neighbors Rey Johnson and Benjamin Solo.  
> She is a hardworking, optimistic and independent woman juggling two jobs to get by. He is a cold, rude and self-centered man with a habit of keeping Rey up at night with his constant noise until the wee hours of the morning.
> 
> But things aren't always what they seem.
> 
> A terrible accident causes an unexpected development between the two rivals, who are suddenly forced to look at sides of the other that they didn’t know existed. As the walls protecting them both start to crumble, will they realize they had each other wrong all along?

 

 

 

A loud noise tore Rey out of her peaceful slumber. She sat up, initially not understanding why she had been awoken. Her worst fears were confirmed a second later, as the sound of another loud bang could be heard from the apartment below hers. Damned it all to hell. He was at it again.  
She groaned loudly in annoyance, rubbed her eyes and looked over at the clock on her bedside table. 02:43. Only three more hours until she had to get up and get ready for work. She sighed, closing her eyes and feeling sleep threatening to take her again as the noises below her stilled. But not for long.

*Slam*

Rey’s eyes flew open as anger flared red and hot inside her. She tore off her bedsheets, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and put on her slippers. Striding out into the living-room she flicked on the hallway lights, and violently grabbed her dark grey trench coat from its hanger. While putting it over her light pajamas, she picked up her keys from their bowl by the door just in case, and exited the apartment.

Rey had only lived in her new apartment for a week and a half. During all that time, her downstairs neighbor had been the source of constant disturbances every single night, robbing her of what little sleep juggling her two jobs allowed her. Rey had given him the benefit of the doubt to begin with, hoping that in time the noises would still. But it hadn’t improved at all. Moving was supposed to be a victory for her. A chance for a new beginning where she could start to make something of herself. But all she had experienced so far was constant anger and exhaustion, and it was all thanks to him.  
She huffed loudly to herself as she slammed the door behind her. Enough was enough.

Rey strode into the hallway and down the set of stairs to where she knew the offending party lived; the apartment located directly below hers. Without a moment of hesitation, she walked over to the door and knocked several times, ready to give the resident a piece of her very sleep-deprived mind. Rey had no idea what kind of person lived there, as she had never seen anyone go in or out. She only knew his name, as it was written on a small black and white plaque next to his apartment number. A heavy name she imagined had to belong to some middle-aged intellectual. Rey had pictured him as someone who spent his days drinking tea with his pinky to the skies, reading prose while buried in a collection of books so large that it reached from floor to ceiling. Another bang echoed from behind the door while she waited for him to open, making Rey grimace. While it had been a fun thought, there was simply no way that reading prose was this loud.

Despite knowing her little fantasy to be long debunked, it still surprised her when a man not too far from her own age opened the door. He glared at her, face flushed and breathing heavily like he had just run a marathon in his living room. His long dark locks were damp at the edges and slicked back against his scalp, as if he had just pulled a hand through it before opening the door. Sweat poured from his face, and Rey could faintly make out a red tint to the knuckles on his right hand. She frowned. What on earth was he doing? Working out? This late at night?  
She gathered her composure and looked at the small name tag to refresh her memory. It read “Benjamin Organa Solo”.

“Mr. Solo…” Rey began strictly, deciding on trying a formal approach. He raised an eyebrow at her, eyes quickly measuring her up and down. Rey suddenly became extremely aware of her outfit; a two-piece consisting of a tank top and pajama shorts covered with small, round and pudgy birds. Realizing it might not exactly invoke authority, Rey pulled slightly at her coat to try and cover herself. How she wished she had changed before going down.

“You have any idea what time it is?” he suddenly said, voice but a dark hum in the back of his throat. Rey felt her rage stir within her and every thought of handling this maturely flew out the window in an instant.

“Do I have any idea? Why you- You’ve been keeping me up for the past days with your constant noises and ruckus long into the night! What the hell are you doing anyway?”

The corner of his mouth pulled slightly, as if knowing he was a nuisance to someone amused him.

“I’m pretty sure that whatever I do in the comfort of my own home is my own business” he said flatly, making Rey frown in anger. She felt her nails dig into her palms as her fists clenched. Biting back what she really wanted to say, she inhaled slowly through her nose.

“Well, it’s not only your business when you disturb other people at ungodly hours, is it?”

He rolled his eyes slightly.

“It’s not like anyone else has complained”

Rey pointed an accusing finger to the apartment next to his.

“You live on the far corner of the ground floor. You know as well as I do that the apartment next to you is vacant. There’s no one for you to bother, except me, and I need to be up for work in three hours”

He scowled. A drop of sweat hanging by his temple suddenly ran down his cheek and onto his jaw. He wiped it away nonchalantly with the back of his hand.

“I see. So, you’re the new tenant”

He chuckled slightly to himself, yet it was a hollow, dead sound rather than a merry one. Rey swallowed as she lowered her arm, resting it defiantly on her hip.

“Why is that so funny to you?”

He dug his dark eyes into hers.

“With a name like that, I assumed you’d be a guy. Shame to get a nagging little girl instead”

Rey nearly exploded. Her rage was already fueled by her lack of sleep for the past week, and her now growing disgust over his rudeness didn't exactly help the matter. If he wanted a fight, she was more than willing to give him one.

“Alright Benjamin, if you want to play-“

“Ben” he interrupted, throwing Rey off for a moment. Who the hell did this guy think he was? She steeled herself, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Ben” she echoed venomously, trying to keep herself from shouting at him. “I’ll make this as clear as possible. I want no more of this late-night bullshit. Find it in you to do your workouts or whatever the hell you’re doing during normal hours like everyone else, or I will call the fucking cops next time. Do we understand each other?”

Ben’s expression was growing close to feral as he stared her down, obviously not at all used to the defiance she was showing him. Rey kept her eyes firmly on his, wanting to show she was not someone he could push around however he wanted. She had to admit however, that he had a certain presence. He was so tall he loomed over her, yet somehow Rey found that she wasn’t afraid of him. She blamed the countless episodes where she had been in similar situations with abusive foster parents in the past for her courage now. But, in spite of his terrifying aura, something told Rey he was not a person who would lay a hand on anyone. And she was right, at least tonight. Eventually, Ben took a deep breath as if biting down further insults and grabbed the door by the handle.

“Perfectly”

He closed it loudly, the sharp sound echoing down the hall as Rey was left alone. Rage still boiled within her and she cursed loudly as she strode back up the stairs to her apartment. Ben didn’t disturb her further that night but Rey was still unable to fall asleep. She was simply too angry to be able to relax. When light had started to break on the horizon, stirring the birds outside to start their early morning singing, Rey resigned herself to her fate and dragged herself out of bed. Another night with hardly any sleep.

All because of the downstairs nuisance named Benjamin fucking Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!  
> While I am no stranger to writing fan-fiction, this is my very first post on this site. I've been sitting on a few ideas for this fic for quite some time, and now I've finally gotten around to actually write it. This first chapter works as an introduction to the premise, and I hope you'll enjoy. Feel free to leave me a comment or come worship Reylo with me on twitter ( @novaebesols )  
> NOTE: Additional tags may be added and the rating modified as the fic progresses.  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After enduring yet another night of hardly any sleep because of Ben, Rey is confronted by her concerned manager at work.

 

[ ](http://s551.photobucket.com/user/Mizu91/media/moodboard%20test%205%20smaller_zpsrcgcv6wf.jpg.html)

 

When Rey walked into work that morning, her manager had to do a double take. Larma looked up, her normally neutral expression morphing into a frown.

“Morning” Rey breathed as she walked over to clock in. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Larma pushing her spectacles further up the bridge of her nose.

“Not again. Rey, I thought we had a talk about this” she said carefully, crossing her arms over her chest. She didn’t seem angry, but there was a faint trace of disappointment on her face that Rey found stung more than if she had been. Anger she could deal with. Disappointment was a whole other sickness entirely.

“I’m fine” Rey muttered, although she failed to convince even herself. Larma shook her head in resignation before yelling towards the kitchen doorway.

“Finn!”

A moment later, Finn emerged while carrying a tray of newly cleaned and still steaming hot cutlery. His eyes fell when he looked at Rey, worry instantly wiping the smile on his face away. Rey couldn’t meet his gaze. Finn was one of her closest friends and as a result, he was prone to fussing over her for the slightest of things. Despite adoring him to bits, that was far from what she needed right now.

“What is it?” he asked, voice low.

“Can you finish up front first? I need to have a quick talk with Rey before the breakfast rush”

Finn nodded slowly, looking from Larma to Rey as if trying to assess what that entailed. Rey was too tired to even care.

“Please, come along” Larma said, sending Rey a faint smile before walking off towards her office in the back.

The room her boss called office wasn’t really fit to be called that at all. In reality, it was more of a glorified broom-cupboard redesigned to function as an office. It barely fit the desk, chairs and shelves Larma had insisted she needed in it, yet it never the less did its job of offering her a quiet place to work or talk to staff. It was rare that anyone but her used it, but Rey had been in there earlier that week for the exact same reason as now. Larma sat down in the chair behind the desk and gestured for Rey to take the seat in front of her.

“Am I in trouble?” Rey asked as she sat, folding her hands in her lap. She didn’t want to beat around the bush. She barely made ends meet as it was, and truth be told she needed this job desperately. She had no experience to speak of that qualified her for much in the working world of the city, and had been lucky that Larma offered her the wages that she did as a simple server. Larma removed her spectacles and folded them before placing them neatly in front of her on the desk. Her blue eyes shimmered as Rey finally dared to raise her gaze to meet hers.

“Well, you tell me. Are you?”

Rey frowned.

“I’m not sure if I understand the question”

Larma’s eyes softened as she looked at her.

“Look, I’ll be frank. As an employer, I worry if you’re fit to manage your tasks properly in this state. We both know well how this past week has been”

Rey lowered her head. She was messing up orders. Delivering meals and drinks to the wrong tables. Charging the wrong amounts of money. Breaking plates and glasses. All of it, because she was so tired she could hardly stand up straight. On top of it all, she also knew how she looked because of it. The shell of a person staring back at her from the mirror that morning had scared even her, and no matter how hard she tried, no amount of concealer had been enough to hide the deep dark circles underneath her puffy eyes. She saw that customers were staring, and now and then she found an extra-large tip on her tables that she assumed was because they thought she had some serious issues. Had she not been so honest and not felt so miserable, she would almost have considered it a lucrative strategy to earn a few extra bucks.

“But, I’m not just your employer, am I?” Larma said, bringing Rey’s train of thoughts to a halt.

“Look, I care about you. Because of that, I’m also worried about your wellbeing. I hope you won’t be offended by me asking, but is everything alright with you?”

Rey swallowed. Larma didn't know of Rey’s turbulent past, and it had been a topic Rey had deliberately dodged for the past six months she had been working there. It was definitively not something she was prepared to tackle now, if at all with her.

“I assure you, I’m fine” Rey began, smiling slightly. “The move was a big thing, and it just turns out I’ve not been the luckiest when it comes to my neighbors. One of them keeps me up at night with his noise, which is why I haven’t been sleeping well”

Larma nodded slightly.

“Have you tried confronting him?”

Rey sighed.

“Yeah, last night. He shut up, but he was such an ass and I couldn’t really settle down afterwards. I’m really sorry”

Larma simply looked at her.

“So, you’re sure there’s nothing else that’s bothering you?”

“Positive” Rey said firmly and meant it somewhat. There was always something that bothered her, but nothing took away as much sleep as Benjamin Solo had done.

“In that case, I’m relieved” Larma said, smiling. She took out a notebook from one of her drawers and started scribbling in it with one of the pens from the holder on her desk.

“While I hope you can settle this dispute and regain some sense of normalcy, I can’t just overlook it forever. Last time I warned you that if this continued, it would have consequences”

Rey swallowed.

“I’ll look through my fingers today, but this is the last time. If you show up to work in this state one more time, I’ll have to send you home and give your shift to somebody else. Both for your own sake and the diner’s. Is that clear?”

The lump in the back of Rey’s throat grew large and sore. She desperately tried to swallow it down to no avail.

“Yes, ma’am”

Larma nodded her head curtly before putting her spectacles back on and returning to writing in her notebook.

“Good. Let me know if you get too exhausted and I’ll call someone else in”

Rey only nodded before getting up and exiting the office, preparing herself for yet another shift from hell.

 

* * *

 

 

The moment her shift was over, Rey rushed away before Finn could catch her. After the talk with Larma and enduring 8 hours of busy work on just a couple of hours of rest, she had no energy at all to be interrogated by his normally overbearing self. Instead, she sent him a text that she would give him a call later that evening and he seemed to settle with that.

Rey staggered out of her car after parking, her knees feeling like they were made of jelly. All she could think of was falling into her bed and trying to get a couple of hours of sleep before her bartending shift started later that evening. By the time she reached the entrance of her building, she was so sleepy that she barely managed to unlock the front door. After fiddling with her keys for almost a minute and going through her entire vocabulary of swear-words, she finally threw the door open and walked into the hall. On her way towards the staircase, she almost crashed straight into Ben who came out of his apartment with more stealth than a man half his size should be able to muster. Rey flinched, taking a step back as their eyes met. Ben looked at her, eyes bearing a trace of faint bewilderment.

“Don’t you look like shit” he said silently, closing his door and locking it. Rey snorted loudly.

“Why, thank you. I guess I have you to thank for that”

Ben didn’t seem at all bothered by her words. Instead the corner of his mouth pulled slightly.

“Whatever you say”

“Look, asshat” Rey snapped, taking a step towards him. “This might be all fun and games for you, but some of us actually have days that start early in the morning and go on until late in the evening. I meant what I said yesterday, and if I hear as much as a sneeze from your apartment after midnight, I’ll break your fucking door down. Got it?”

Ben scoffed slightly, pulling a hand through his dark locks. Only now did Rey notice his appearance. He seemed to be about as well-rested as she was. His eyes had a slightly pink tint to them and a dull line of grey trailed underneath his eyelids. 

“Aren’t you aggressive. I think you made yourself clear yesterday. No need to keep nagging me about it”

“Aggressive?” Rey spat at him. She could feel her head spin as anger and exhaustion fought for dominance. “Oh, my sincerest apologies, but when you nearly cost me a day of pay, it’s more than a little real to me!”

“How on earth could I be responsible for something like that?” he asked.

“Well, look at me!” she snarled, throwing her arms dramatically out at her sides. “Because of you, I can’t sleep and I look and act like a corpse every day at work. I screw up orders. I break shit. My boss has had it and so have I”

Ben looked away, bending down slightly to grab the dark grey bag that rested by his feet. He recklessly threw it over his shoulder before turning back to face her. If he felt bad, he did a very good job at not showing it. Rey didn’t assume that he did.

“I’ll be out for tonight, so you have an excellent opportunity to catch up, then”

His voice was almost apologetic. But just almost.

“Wrong. I have another shift from 6 until midnight”

Ben tilted his head slightly, brows furrowed as he observed her. He shook his left wrist a few times to make his sleeve go up his arm, before looking down at his watch.

“Where on earth do you work that demand so many hours a day?”

Rey sent him a poisonous glare.

“None of your damned business is where”

He simply shrugged in reply before pushing past her and walked out the main door without another word. Rey stared after him for a moment before stomping towards the staircase, muttering curses under her breath. If there was such a thing as hell, this had to be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Thanks to all who has read, left kudos, bookmarked or commented on the first chapter! I'm truly humbled!  
> Chapter 2 was already completed by the time I posted 1, so I figured I would post it as quickly as possible. The frequency will drop however as we progress, but I'll do my very best to keep it at least at weekly updates. 
> 
> I'm on Twitter and Tumblr under the same name as my username here! Come say hi sometime!  
> Thanks again!  
> ~Novae Be Sols~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While working her bartending shift, Rey vents about her frustrations with Ben. Finn meets someone new while sharing lunch with Rey.

 

 

 

 

 

A week later, Rey had managed to regain a somewhat normal sleeping pattern. She still occasionally heard Ben below her, the banging and slamming against the walls echoing inside her very skull. She eventually moved onto sleeping with ear plugs just to be sure, but at the very least he seemed to have calmed his activities somewhat. This fact did little to pacify the anger within her. Whenever they met by the mailboxes, outside the apartment complex or in the hallways, they still exchanged nothing but poison. Rey had never thought it was possible to instantly bear such a grudge towards someone, but Ben Solo had proven that to be more than possible. She sighed deeply to herself as she leaned across the bar counter, wishing she was able to think of something else.

“Geez, what is up with you these days?”

Rey looked up. Rose, her co-worker, was carrying a tray of freshly cleaned glasses with her from the kitchen to the bar.

“Sorry, it’s nothing. I’m just having a feud with my neighbor” Rey said quietly.

“Feud?” Rose asked while wiping one of the glasses with a washcloth. She held it up towards the light before apparently approving and placing it on the high shelf behind the bar, before picking up another.

“Yeah” Rey breathed. “We don’t get along is all. It’s a nuisance, but nothing more than that”

Rose nodded before her eyes became mischievous.

“Is he cute?”

Rey frowned.

“Excuse me?”

“Is. He. Cute?” she repeated, pronouncing every word with the utmost care. Rey should have assumed as much, as Rose was one of the most flirty and outgoing people she had ever met. In spite of this, she still didn’t have a boyfriend. From Rey’s understanding, it was not from her lack of trying, but rather bad luck in where she placed her affections. When Rose first had met Finn, she had developed a massive crush on him almost instantly. Rey had been the one to explain Finn’s situation to her and needless to say; it hadn’t been pretty.

“Rose” Rey started, holding up her arm defensively in front of her. “I haven’t even said anything about gender yet-“

Rose simply waved a hand, interrupting her.

“Come on, only a guy can get a girl to make that face. So, is he good looking?”

Rey sighed before leaning her head back into her hand on the counter.

“If you find self-centered, stubborn and rude guys attractive, I assume that he is”

Rose giggled beside her, making Rey turn her head.

“What now?”

Rose rolled her eyes.

“Are you deliberately avoiding answering my question?” she said teasingly, making Rey grimace.  
No. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to answer. It was simply because she had spent all her attention span and energy keeping up with his insults and foul mood rather than really _look_ at him. Rose came up beside her, grin evident.

“Describe him, then”

Rey breathed in and out slowly, jogging her memory as best she could.

“Well, he’s tall. Dark hair, about shoulder length. He’s around 30 I think. Slightly bearded and fair-skinned…” she trailed off, trying to put all of the traits together to form her nemesis in her head. “Dark eyes. Brown, I think? Also, I think he might be ripped, but I’m not sure”

Rose nudged Rey in her ribs with her elbow.

“Oh, right. _You’re not sure_ ”

“I prefer not to look at him for too long at a time” Rey admitted and meant it. “He just pisses me off”

Rose laughed at that.

“Personality aside, if you could go for that type of guy, there's a lecturer at campus that sounds quite similar to him"

Rey let out a hoarse laugh.

"Very funny. I am not dating one of your professors, Rose"

Rose grinned so wide it almost looked painful.

"Oh, no, he's our age. Guest lecturer. He's the son of some really well-known Senator or something, so I’m guessing he’s loaded. Seems like a real Brainiac, but he's super shy and really nice whenever we have classes with him. Oh, and his designer glasses makes me so envious I could go green”

Rose gently straightened her own cheap black-rimmed glasses on the bridge of her nose as if to underline her point. Rey smiled slightly to herself. Picturing Ben like a shy intellectual in glasses speaking to an audience sounded nothing short of ridiculous.

“Sign me up. You had me at loaded”

“Come on, Rey” Rose began, rolling her eyes at her. “There’s more to life than money, you know”

“Of course” Rey retorted sternly. “But, all of my current dreams require funds, and at this pace…”

She huffed, hanging her head in defeat.

“I’ll get my own place by the age of 120...”

Rose put her hand on Rey’s back, petting her reassuringly.

“Should I hook you up with him then? I could probably sneak his e-mail from the school registers”

“Yeah, no” Rey laughed slightly. “Aren’t you too preoccupied with hooking up yourself anyway?”

One of the regular patrons sitting by the corner of the bar suddenly waved a hand at them. Rose stuck her tongue out at Rey before walking back to the kitchen, while Rey went over to their customer.

“What can I get you this time, sir?” she said politely, knowing it would tick him off. The man snickered, seemingly a bit uncomfortable.

“Ah, geez. Again with the sir? Do I really look that old?” he laughed. Rey chuckled alongside him. The guy wasn’t old at all, maybe in his early 30s or late 20s. He was dressed in a dark brown leather jacket, a red shirt and had a pair of dark Rey-Ban sunglasses on his head. His dark hair was slicked back in an attempt to keep it neat against his scalp. The ends however betrayed the very laws of gravity, fraying out wildly in every direction as if he had been standing in front of a wind turbine before entering the bar. Rey knew why. She had seen him arrive at the bar before on his motorcycle, and her guts had contorted in envy. Yet another thing she could never afford.

“Not really, mister” Rey said playfully, grinning at him. He smiled back.

“Please, just call me Poe” he said quickly, seemingly uncomfortable with her persistent use of honorifics. He held out a hand and Rey shook it.

“I’m Rey” she said. Poe nodded.

“I know”

His head bobbed in the direction towards the kitchen.

“I’m a friend of Rose, so your name came up in conversation now and then. I’m not some creep, just to make that clear”

Rey snickered and believed him. Every time Rey had served him, Poe had been a very laid back and relaxed person. While they saw all kinds of people while working behind the bar, Poe was just one of those guys who enjoyed a couple of beers at his own leisure. While she hadn’t gotten to talk a lot to him, he was a guy that was easy to like.

The door chimed and Rey looked up, seeing Finn walk in with what she had been waiting for the past hour and a half; a bag stuffed to the brim with takeout from a nearby Chinese restaurant. Her eyes lit up and she waved him over, sensing her stomach starting to growl at the mere sight of the company logo.

“So, need anything?” she asked Poe. He smiled before digging into the pocket of his jacket. After a few moments, he retrieved a small bundle of dollar bills from it. He counted over them quickly before holding them out towards her.

“A porter, please. Keep the change”

Rey grinned gratefully before turning to get a glass from the shelf behind her.

“Of course. Fuller’s?”

Poe nodded again, brow raised in amusement.

“What else?”

Finn came up beside Poe, hoisting the massive bag onto the counter with a large thud. Poe flinched slightly in surprise, nearly knocking his empty glass onto the floor.

“Ready for lunch, little one?” Finn said eagerly, beaming at her.

Rey rolled her eyes slightly as she put the glass of porter in front of Poe and retrieved his empty one. Finn finally turned towards Poe, as if only now realizing he was sitting there.Their eyes met and for a moment, it looked like solid ground was about to fall away under Finn’s feet. He quickly steadied himself, holding out one arm to lean on the counter awkwardly. Poe smiled before looking over at Rey.

“Friend of yours?”

“The best” Rey said. Poe held out his hand in a friendly greeting. Finn looked like he was about to have a stroke.

“Poe Dameron”

Rey noticed Finn’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. He managed to reach out a hand and shook Poe’s. Because of his trembling, Rey was unsure if he would have needed to move it at all to complete the gesture.

“Uh, hi. Finn. Finn Abrams”

“Nice to meet you” Poe said before turning back to take a sip of his beverage. Rose appeared behind the bar a few minutes later to take over bartending, giving Rey her usual 30-minute lunch break to share with Finn.

They sat down at a small table in the back of the bar. Rey dug through the bag hungrily, desperately searching for her meal.

“You got the Chow Mein, right?”

Finn didn’t answer.

“Finn” Rey repeated. Still no response.

She eventually looked at him. He was staring off towards the bar, mindlessly chewing on the edge of one of his chopsticks. Based on his reaction earlier, Rey wasn’t surprised to trail his line of sight straight into the back of Poe Dameron, still seated at the bar.

Rey reached out a hand and waved it in front of his eyes, making Finn drop his chopsticks in surprise. She raised an eyebrow at him.

“The food. Which one is mine?”

“Ah” Finn said sheepishly, reaching into the bag and taking out the bottom container.

“This one”

Rey made a small sound in delight as she grabbed it and opened the lid, her nose filling with the familiar scent of her favorite dish. Or at least, one of her favorites. Rey was a glutton and to this day she still hadn’t encountered a meal she didn’t enjoy.

Finn took out his lunch and arranged it neatly on his plate, yet didn’t start eating. He simply moved the food around with his chopsticks, occasionally taking a bite while sending long, fleeting looks towards the bar. Rey looked at him between her mouthfuls, shaking her head.

“Why don’t you go talk to him?” she offered, making Finn snap his head in her direction so quickly he could have broken his neck.

“I… well, it’s just… I didn’t really-“

“Oh, come on” Rey groaned. “You looked at him like he was a dish at a five-star restaurant. Don’t even bother denying it”

Finn lowered his gaze.

“I can’t”

“Sure you can” Rey pressed. “You already greeted him. The hard part is over”

Finn gave Rey a look she recognized far too well. It was both fear, insecurity and hurt all at the same time. Finn was given up for adoption by his birthparents when he was a young child. While his adoptive parents were nothing short of extraordinary, Finn had struggled with the fact after learning the truth. He felt abandoned by them, and wondered why they didn’t want him. This caused him to become extremely afraid of rejection, something that ultimately seeped into his confidence with dating. Because of this, every thought of a relationship with someone scared him. Rey wanted to shake him and tell him what an amazing person he was. That he should just get over it because he had so much to offer. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

How could she, when she couldn’t even convince herself of the very same thing?

She looked back down as she scooped up another bunch of noodles from her plate, frowning slightly to herself. They really were hopeless, both of them.

“Same time tomorrow night?” she said silently, wanting to leave the subject behind. Finn finally started to eat his own meal, not looking at her.

“Sure”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!  
> The chapters are coming quickly, but as stated before I won't be able to keep up this frequent posting as we move much further. Since I'm away for work a lot, I only have a couple of hours every day to work on it. But for now, enjoy chapter 3! In case the tags didn't already confirm it; this is a slow-build and slow-burn fic. Also, I am taking a lot of liberties when writing these characters, which will become even more evident in later chapters. I have absolutely no idea how many chapters I'll end up with before the conclusion, but let's just say I have drafts for 7 at the moment, and that's not even halfway there. Time will tell!  
> Again, thank you all so much for reading, kudos, bookmarking and your kind comments! It really motivates me to keep it coming!  
> Come say hi on Twitter or Tumblr sometime!  
> ~Novae Be Sols~


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's shift at the bar takes an interesting turn.

 

 

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Rey’s head raced as she ran down the street, clutching her bag to her side to avoid it flailing about wildly behind her. She had fallen asleep on the couch after working at the diner, and was now late for her evening shift at the bar. She swallowed, feeling her pulse pound against her temples. She was never late. Not once since she had started to work the paper route at the age of 14, had she ever been late to anything. Being punctual was one of her biggest priorities, no matter what, and today her perfect streak had been compromised. Knowing her blunder would cause her to lose an entire hour worth of pay annoyed her endlessly, and she cursed under her breath as she picked up her pace.

Her feet stumbled slightly as she made a desperate dash across the road just as the cars got a green light. She barely made it and could hear the sound of angry honking behind her at her recklessness. But she couldn’t care less. Rounding a corner, the bar "Kanata’s" appeared before her, situated between an Italian restaurant and an old department store. Bursting open the doors, Rey took a moment to gather herself and slumped forward to rest her hands on her knees. Panting heavily, she peeked up only to see she was one hour and 3 minutes late.

_Fuck._

“The heck?” she heard Paige say from behind the bar. A nearby table of patrons had turned to look at her, whispering among themselves about her sudden and dramatic appearance. Rey nodded at them in apology, grabbed her purse off her shoulder and walked over to Paige, head lowered in shame.

“Hey…” she breathed, wiping sweat from her forehead. Her heart still pounded loudly in her chest. “Sorry I’m late”

Paige shook her head.

“No, don’t worry about it. Just go change and get yourself together”

Rey did as she was told. After removing her sweat-drenched clothes, she quickly washed herself using the sink in the staff bathroom. A generous amount of deoderant and a puff of perfume later, Rey came back to join Paige behind the bar.

“Why are you here? I thought Rose was working today” Rey said.

“Rose wasn’t feeling well so I took over her shift. I came in just before you did” Paige responded, smiling weakly. “She caught some sort of bug. When I heard she had a fever, I rushed straight over. There was no way I’d let her work in that condition”

Rey smiled. Paige’s love for her sister was something she had always admired. At the same time, it also made her envious, as it reminded her of everything she had missed out on herself growing up. Having a family seemed nice.

“Where do you want me, then?” Rey croaked, throat still slightly hoarse from her sprint. Paige rolled her eyes.

“How about you stay behind the bar and I’ll work the floor? It’s still quite slow so it’ll give you some time to catch your breath”

Rey snickered.

“Sure. How many are in?”

“Three tables.  Table 4…” Paige pointed off towards the group in the corner that had gawked at her moments before.

“They are our only food order so far. Other than that, Rose said we just have two occupied booths in the back, all of them regulars just here for the beers”

Rey had to admit she was relieved. At least that meant an easy start for the shift.

“Sure, thanks”

Paige simply nodded at her before walking back to the kitchen. Rey was in the process of tying her hair back into a bun when a tall blonde came walking out from the booth area. She approached the bar with a pleasant smile on her face, and Rey found herself involuntarily straightening up in her presence. Dear lord was she gorgeous. Tall, with short blonde hair styled into an asymmetrical bob that framed her strong features perfectly. She was wearing a form-fitted, light-grey business suit and black stilettos, making her look straight out of a page from Vogue. Rey swallowed, suddenly feeling inferior in every manner possible.

“How are you? Can I get you anything?” Rey offered politely. The woman nodded her head in response.

“Fine, thank you. I’d like five beers. Tap, please”

Rey smiled. 

“Sure. Cash or card?”

“Cash” the woman said, holding out a small bundle of dollar bills for her to take. Rey took the money and put the numbers into the register. When she tried handing the change back to her, the woman waved a hand in rejection.

“Oh, please keep the rest”

Rey smiled in appreciation.

“Thanks, miss. Five beers, coming right up”

Rey completed the order and put the beverages on a small tray on the bar counter.

"Need any help with that?"

The woman shook her head.

“Oh, I'll be fine. But thank you very much” 

She grabbed the tray and carried it expertly back to the booth section using only one hand, not even spilling a single drop. Rey could only look on in awe. She couldn’t even do that with a tray of five empty glasses in flats. This woman had to be a different sort entirely.

“Oh, I see Jean is here”

Rey turned her head, seeing Paige suddenly beside her.

“Jean? You know her?”

Paige looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Not personally, but she and her friends come in from time to time. Been a while since I’ve least seen them”

She chuckled.

“They’re a fun bunch”

Rey looked back towards the booth area. Due to them being sectioned off from the rest of the bar, it was impossible to see any patrons without going in.

“She was gorgeous” Rey said. “Quite the presence”

Paige nodded in agreement.

“Yeah. And she’s not only gorgeous, but smart too. I’ve heard she works as a scientist for a living. I’m quite jealous to be fair”

Rey let out a loud breath in envy. That coming from Paige was highly ironic. Paige was a gorgeous woman herself, and on top of it studying to become an attorney. She had everything Rey could ever ask for and more. A beautiful home. A nice fiancé. And soon a very respectable education. In Rey’s mind; the very starting kit for the perfect cookie cutter life. How she wished she could educate herself or find some sort of muse. Find a decent job that didn’t involve double shifts of waiting tables and making drinks every day. At this rate, Rey was certain she would spend more of her life at work rather than outside of it.

“Geez. Some people just have it all, don’t they?” Rey said quietly.

Paige chuckled slightly in response.

“That entire group is one big commercial for success to be fair, but not in a bad way. They’re all good looking and well off, at least to my knowledge”

She held up her hands, counting finger by finger as she spoke.

"Aside from Jean, I know one of the guys works as an architect. I've even seen him on billboards around town occasionally. And then there's Rose's lecturer of course, the Senator son"

Rey turned quickly to look at her. Paige eyes shimmered in amusement.

"What?"

Rey shrugged slightly.

"Ah, it's nothing. Rose just told me about him the other day. Apparently, she wanted me to hook up with him or something"

Paige crossed her arms in front of her chest, staring at her for a few moments. Rey felt a sudden urge to sink through the floor. Paige's stare had the ability to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

"Hmm, I guess I could ship that" she laughed. "He _is_ nice though"

Rey rolled her eyes.

"Please, don't. I have enough guys in my life to deal with as is right now"

"Oh, you mean the neighbor?"

Rey sighed.

"Not just him, but also a very lovesick Finn. He has a crush and you know how he gets"

Paige nodded in understanding before gently ruffling Rey's hair.

"While I can appreciate your magnetism for interesting situations, try not to burn yourself out, alright?"

Rey grimaced as she tried swatting Paige's hand away.

"At least I'm not stuck working in a musty bar when I have finals in a few days"

Paige's face noticeably stiffened, and she let out a deep breath.

"Please don't remind me"

"You'll do fine" Rey assured. "You always do"

Rey’s eyes suddenly caught the receipt still hanging by the till. She looked over at the group by the corner, seeing they still remained without their food.

“That’s right, what happened to the food for table 4?”

“Marcel is still working on it” Paige said, annoyance slightly coating her voice. “He’s been really slow today for some reason”

“His wife is past due-date” Rey reminded her. “If it was you, your mind would probably be elsewhere as well”

Paige shrugged, as if that was far from a good reason to be distracted from work obligations.

“I guess. I’ll go and see if I can speed him up a bit. I can be very persuasive, you know”

Paige held up a fist into the air as if she had just won a boxing match, making Rey giggle slightly. Persuasive was indeed a fitting word to describe her, as Rey had agreed on multiple occasions to take over less lucrative shifts and chores for both her and her sister in the past. But at the very least, Rey found that to be a trait more than fitting for a future lawyer.

Paige left towards the kitchen while Rey started to put the clean glasses back on their shelves. In the background, she could hear the table waiting for their food chat away about work, while occasionally mentioning the “ _awesomeness_ ” that was their mojitos. After finishing with restocking the shelves and doing some inventory, Rey rummaged through a cooler in an attempt to locate more fresh mint. Based on the endless praise of their now empty drinks, she wanted to be prepared in case the gang at table 4 would come over to repeat the success. After digging in the small and overfilled refrigerator she eventually found a bunch hidden behind a box of leftover Mexican food labeled “Paige’s lunch”. Rolling her eyes, Rey slammed the door shut and victoriously rose with the large bunch of mint in hand. Her smile faded instantly. A customer stood before the counter, having approached without her hearing.

Long dark hair. A pair of black-rimmed designer glasses. A dark grey jacket and blue undershirt. Slight beard. Tall...

Rey felt like her entire world fell away as realization hit her. He however, seemed just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. 

“Rey?”

His voice was deep and dark, with a hint of the same bewilderment that also trailed across his face. His eyes moved to her hand, where she still clutched the bunch of mint like she had just caught the bridal bouquet at a wedding. Rey forced herself to put it down on the counter in front of her. 

“Ben” she said quietly, trying to let the professional in her take over. When she looked back up, he was still staring at her. The similarities had not been coincidental. No matter if Rey was able to comprehend it or not, the Senator son; Rose's lecturer, was indeed somehow and some way, her bloody neighbor.

“I didn’t know you worked here” he said, his usual arrogance lacking in intensity.

Rey shrugged, like it didn’t matter.

“I didn’t know you frequented here”

Ben looked over towards the booth section where his entourage could be faintly heard, still chatting away happily.

“Now and then. I thought you worked at a diner”

“That’s one of my jobs. I work here too”

Ben frowned in confusion, creating deep lines between his eyes.

“Full time?”

“Full time” Rey echoed, voice sounding hollow. If he wanted to feel bad for fucking up her sleep realizing she had two jobs to juggle, it was far too late for her to care now. Ben didn’t really seem apologetic either, just stared at her as his lower jaw churned in a motion that seemed to indicate he was uncomfortable.

Silence fell between them and Rey had to physically force herself to avoid fiddling with the mint on the counter in front of her. She didn’t want to show him the discomfort his presence caused, yet she was sure he too could feel the awkwardness that now clouded the air separating them. Out of the corner of her eye, Rey could see Paige stride by, carrying a tray with the meals for the table by the corner. She halted her step slightly as she saw the two of them, before moving over to serve the customers at a pace that would give Usain Bolt a run for his money.

“So” Ben started, as if he was unsure of what to say.

“So” Rey echoed. “What can I get you?”

Her voice was mechanical and rehearsed as she tried her hardest at summoning the professional back to her. But, it was nearly impossible.

Ben looked like he was about to say something when two men came into view, laughing and joking between them as they walked towards the bar. One of them, a pale, redhead with long, slicked back hair, beard and icy blue eyes, put his arm around Ben’s shoulders.

“What’s taking so long, Solo? Forgot our order on the way?”

The other man snickered.

“It was five beers, if you wondered. FIVE BEERS!”

The two of them started laughing again as the dark-haired man waved 5 fingers in Ben’s face, making Ben shift uncomfortably in the redhead’s grip. He did not seem amused at all.

The men suddenly noticed Rey behind the bar. They looked from Ben to her, before sharing a look as if they just had passed some inside joke wordlessly between them. Ben simply looked away, as if trying to pretend he wasn’t there.

“Oh, hello there miss” the redhead said, smiling slightly. “I haven’t seen you here before. Are you new?”

Rey hardly remembered how her body worked, but she managed to plaster a polite smile onto her face.

“I was hired two months back”

The redhead reached out a hand.

“Sorry for not greeting you, I assumed it was Rose still behind the bar. Armitage Hux”

He pointed towards the dark-haired man next to him.

“This is Dopheld Mitaka. We’re kind of regulars here”

Mitaka rolled his eyes.

“It’s been ages since last time, Hux. Let’s settle on irregular regulars”

Rey shook both of their hands awkwardly, keeping her smile.

“I’m Rey”

“We’d introduce Ben as well, but from what this scene looks like… You already know each other?” Mitaka said with shimmering eyes, nodding his head in Ben’s direction. The latter still seemed like he was trying to act like he wasn’t listening.

“I guess you could say that” Rey began. “We’re neighbors”

Hux’s eyes flared in amusement, before nudging Ben in the ribs.

“What the fuck, Hux” Ben complained, turning towards his friend. Hux waved an accusing hand towards Rey.

“The hell, you get a neighbor this cute and you don’t tell us? I thought you said your new neighbor was a dude!”

Now it was Rey’s turn to act like she wasn’t there. Paige had apparently finished her serving duties and had positioned herself between the bar and the door to the kitchen. It was obvious she was eavesdropping.

“I just heard the name Rey” Ben snapped, shaking Hux off of him. “I just assumed it was a dude, alright?!”

Hux shook his head as he straightened the collar of his jacket.

“You made a move yet?”

Ben seemed like he was about to have a complete meltdown.

“Hux, shut the fuck up or I’ll strangle you until you do. I’m not making a move, alright?!”

Hux seemed unimpressed by the threat, simply waving a hand in disapproval in his direction.

“You’re full of shit, Solo. A girl that cute-”

“Are we getting those beers or what?” Ben exclaimed, apparently desperate to get out of this situation. Rey didn’t blame him, as she felt exactly the same way.

Mitaka seemed like he was about to join in before his head turned and noticed Paige by the side of the bar. His eyes lit up.

“Heeey, Paigie! The fuck, are you here? I thought it was Rose tonight!”

He, along with Hux trailed over to Paige, forcing her out of her hiding spot to engage them. While the three of them started to chat, seemingly having forgotten about Rey and Ben for a moment, Rey summoned her will back into her body.

“So, five beers, was it?”

Ben nodded without looking at her.

“Please”

Rey mindlessly filled five glasses from the taps, placing each one down on a tray with shaking hands.

“Sorry”

She looked up, startled. Had his voice not been so easy to recognize, she would never in her life had suspected that those words could come of his mouth and were addressed to her. He seemed genuinely bothered. Thrown, Rey replied the only way she knew how when it came to him.

“Don’t bother, Ben. That word doesn’t sound right coming from you”

She put the tray on the counter.

“Cash or card?”

Ben hesitated a moment before digging into his pocket to find his wallet.

“Card”

Rey punched in the numbers and handed him the terminal. He paid quickly, took the tray and bolted for their booth in the back as fast as his long legs would carry him. Hux and Mitaka disengaged with Paige and followed close behind, jumping on him instantly. Rey almost felt sorry for him. But she had a spectator of her own to deal with.

The moment they left, Paige almost jogged to her side, an expression of absolute astonishment on her face.

“Rey, what the hell?” she started, staring at Rey with her mouth agape.

Rey sighed in resignation.

“What the hell, indeed...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!  
> As advertised, my liberties in writing these characters become quite apparent in this chapter. Instead of the internal strife aspect, I chose to write the Resistance Members and First Order members simply as groups of friends with actual close relationships between them. For example, while I love the dynamic of Hux and Ben in the sequel trilogy, I wanted to make Hux something more than just a simple antagonizing aquaintance for Ben in this piece. I hope you can enjoy this rendition of him, especially as we go along!  
> That aside, I hope you enjoy chapter 4! And holy moly, with the last chapter we reached 50 kudos! You guys are just amazing and I cannot thank you enough for your lovely feedback.  
> As always, thanks a lot for reading, kudos, commenting and bookmarking! I am truly humbled!  
> Come scream in Reylo with me on Twitter or Tumblr sometime! I will announce any news and updates on this fic on my Tumblr from now on!  
> ~Novae Be Sols~


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey spends a sleepless night reflecting on her very difficult past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have finally reached some of the heavier stuff. Rey needs a hug, desperately. And so do I.

 

 

 

 

Rey ran as fast as her legs would carry her, slamming the living room door shut behind her in an attempt to slow down her pursuer. Her mind raced, desperately trying to pick the best place to hide. The bathroom had no lock on the door. The cupboard was too obvious, as he had found her there far too easily the last time. What if she could get to the wardrobe in the hallway?

The sound of glass breaking in the floor above her caused her to panic. She jumped over the couch, stumbling in the cushions and dragging a tray of decorative candles with her as she fell face first to the ground. She felt her nose impact hard with the wooden floor, yet she knew that she had no time to waste fussing over it. Picking herself up, she heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. Desperate and out of options, she ran into the kitchen, trying to ignore the dull ache and trickle of blood coming from her nose. She dove underneath the dining table and crawled to the far end, just as the door she had closed violently slammed open. Her heart nearly stopped.

“Girl!”

The dark voice was menacing and sent shivers down Rey’s spine. She shook her head silently as she pressed her back to the wall, not daring to open her eyes. Maybe if she just remained quiet, he would go away.

“Little bitch…” he growled. “Where are you hiding?!”

Rey instinctively curled up and hugged her knees to her chest as she cried without a sound, desperately praying to anyone listening to not let him find her. Her bruises barely hidden by her long-sleeve shirt had just started to fade. There wasn’t room for any more yet.

The stomping suddenly stilled, leaving Rey with her violent heartbeat as the only sound in her ears.

_Was he gone?_

After a few moments, she let out the breath she had been trying to hold, only to feel a strong hand grab onto her ankle and start pulling her out from under the table. She screamed, desperately grabbing at anything nearby to escape her fate, but it was of no use.

_He always got her. Always._

 

Rey awoke by her own scream, violently sitting up in bed. Her forehead was drenched in sweat and tears ran down her cheeks in streams, making her vision of the dimly lit bedroom blurry. Shivering, she took a moment to gather herself, hiding her face away in her hands as she sobbed.

“It was only a dream… It was only a dream…” she repeated to herself, rocking back and forth as she let her tears run dry.

The nightmares were always the same. And they were always about him.

The man who had ruined her.

After her parents abandoned her as a 4-year-old, Rey had been placed in the care of Unkar Plutt. Plutt was a man that she, to this day, still couldn’t believe had managed to pass himself off as a prime candidate for being a foster parent. He was abusive, manipulative and greedy; his main goal being the reimbursements given to him in order to cover taking care of Rey. As he hardly spent a single cent on her during her years spent with him, calling him a disgrace to the system would be a severe understatement. But somehow, he got away with it, leaving Rey to live an absolute nightmare that lasted 5 years.

Rey sighed, leaning back to rest her head on the pillow as her beating heart finally started to return to a normal rythm. She peeked over at the clock on her nightstand, seeing it was 03:14. She groaned in dismay before rolling over, laying on her back to stare up into the ceiling.

The white paint was cracked and had started to peel off in flakes, creating a mosaic of white and grey above her. During the insomnia she had experienced during her first weeks, Rey had traced the lines endlessly, burning the path of every single crack into her memory in her search for sleep. The more she looked, the more they reminded her of herself. But her cracks were different. They couldn’t simply be painted over.

Despite his cruelty, Plutt had been cunning and smart. Taking advantage of Rey’s young age and vulnerability, he had convinced her that their relationship was normal. Her interactions with others was highly restricted, and the beatings whenever she disobeyed were harsh. He never hurt Rey anywhere that would leave bruises he couldn’t cover with her clothes. Whenever there was a scheduled check-up at the doctor’s, he wouldn’t beat her for weeks beforehand to make sure she was spotless. He restricted her meals and portions to the point where she just barely managed to keep her weight. And through his tyranny, Rey remained loyal to him. Never telling. Never confiding in anyone. All out of fear for what he would do to her if she did.

For all those years, Rey lived in constant horror and agony, having no idea that life could be any different. But finally, one fateful day, he slipped up. And everything changed.

It happened shortly after her 9th birthday. Even as a child in her situation, Rey had loved to draw and paint, as it was one of the only pastimes Plutt would allow. But that day she had run out of paper, and decided to draw on the walls of the small cupboard where Plutt made her sleep instead. Upon finding out, Plutt lost his head completely.

Rey couldn’t remember exactly how it happened, but Plutt had broken her arm in a fit of rage unlike what she had ever experienced before. It only took one look at her and one very half-assed explanation from Plutt for the healthcare workers to react. Overnight, everything was turned on its head. What had been his way of keeping her in line for all those years, suddenly became his downfall. After a lengthy investigation, Plutt was sentenced to jailtime for a number of offences, including child abuse and fraud. A fitting punishment, the media deemed. Being the one left to deal with the aftermath, Rey thought otherwise.

Rey sighed before getting out of bed, not feeling sleepy anymore. A peek out the window told her the heavy rain from the previous day had stopped. The skies were clear and the moon shone brightly, casting a ghostly light across the carpark below. Tempted, Rey put on a light dress and a coat before slipping on her shoes and exited her apartment to take a walk outside.

 

The chill evening air felt lovely on her skin. Rey breathed in deeply, trying to calm her body and mind down from its violent racing.  Pulling her coat tighter around her, she started strolling down the parking lot like she had done so many nights before. Sleep had always been a sore subject for her, even before she moved and had it disturbed by Ben. She would often find herself unable to sleep after suffering from her night terrors, and the only thing that seemed to help was going outside to walk it off. She looked up at the moon before closing her eyes, letting herself bathe in the faint light it produced.

She had been free of Plutt’s tyranny for over a decade, yet his presence still lurked in every shadow and corner of her mind. His last words to her during the final day in court still remained one of her most vivid memories from her childhood; now a mantra often repeated in her head without her permission.

_“You’re nothing. You’ll always be nothing”_

And he had been right.

Rey opened her eyes, staring up at the stars above her. The few she could see were twinkling faintly, as if doing their best to attempt to soothe her. She had so many regrets in her life. So many things she wished could have gone differently. And surprisingly, not finding the courage to stand up to Plutt wasn’t her greatest regret. It was every day spent after that.

After finally escaping Plutt’s grasp, Rey was put in a new foster home a few states over. The family was beyond lovely, and constantly did their best in providing the care Rey needed. But for her, it was too little, too late. Unable to adjust, Rey acted out. Ran away. Fought and argued every step of the way. Seeing how difficult she was, Rey was eventually sent away; a cycle that would repeat itself many times until she became old enough to take care of herself. No matter how great the people she lived with were, Plutt had simply left her broken beyond repair. Despite all the love they tried to shower her in, the guidance they provided and the help they offered, her heart had remained frozen. And even to this day, she still had no idea how to thaw it.

She sighed. How she wished she could apologize to them. But then again, she wasn’t really sure what she would say if given the chance.

A slight breeze caught her hair and Rey pulled her coat tighter around herself to keep it from biting at her exposed skin. She reached the end of the car park and turned around to walk back the way she had come, kicking a small pebble in irritation. She had often considered going to a professional for help. To find someone to aid her in dealing with the trauma and her past. But every time, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. The thought of having someone poking and prodding at her deepest secrets and traumatic memories she had worked so hard to suppress, scared her. She didn’t know if she could manage to relive them. But what else could she do? While she was grateful to be able to have the relationships she shared with her friends now, Rey had never come to the point where she felt like she was actually starting to heal. While she was stronger and would never allow anyone to exploit her ever again, she knew that wasn't enough. She was still that scared and troubled child from 12 years back, now simply masquerading as a functioning adult.

When she arrived back at the entrance of the apartment complex, Rey continued onwards towards the back of the building instead of going back in. Behind the complex was a newly-built common area, intended for use by the tenants at their own leisure. It was a nice little touch to the old and at times dreary building, with picnic tables, flowerbeds and a few trees, surrounded by antique-looking lamp posts that illuminated the area. It even had a small playground for the handful of children who lived in the building, consisting of a very worn and rusted swing-set, as well as a sandbox and a slide. In the dead of night, it was a small corner of peace where Rey could ponder her worries in solitude. Or at least, that was how it normally was.

Rounding the corner, Rey passed underneath one of the few massive oak trees growing by the outskirts. Looking up, she stopped dead in her tracks. There was already somebody there.

Sitting on one of the picnic tables just a few feet from her, resting his feet on the seats, was Ben. While his head was lowered and she couldn’t see his face, the tall, wide frame was simply unmistakably his. He was slouched forward, his dark hair obscuring his face as he rested his hands on his knees. Despite the nip in the air, he was dressed in a simple black t-shirt and jeans. To her surprise, he didn’t seem to have heard her approach.

Rey frowned. What on earth was he doing outside at this hour?

Ben shifted slightly and straightened up on the table, lifting his hand and staring at it darkly.

That’s when Rey noticed the blood.

Ben’s hand was coated in it. As he held it up, the blood ran down the length of his arm and onto his elbow, dripping down into the grass in a small but steady stream. In the dim glow of the light hanging above him, Rey saw that it came from a large gash across his knuckles.

She carefully reached out her hand to lean on the trunk of the large oak, trying to conceal herself behind it in case he looked her way. A wet sensation caused her to withdraw her hand instantly, peering down at it. A red, thick liquid coated her palm, making Rey flinch back in surprise.

Blood.

Seeing Ben’s presence and the state of his knuckles, her mind easily put two and two together. But, why was he…?

Before she could finish the thought, Ben’s head turned in her direction, spotting her. Rey swallowed, feeling her entire body freezing in place. Somehow, he didn’t seem surprised to see her. His gaze was remarkably calm, as if finding her staring at him in the middle of the night after he had just beaten himself bloody on the trunk of a tree, was the most natural thing in the world. Rey on the other hand, was shaken to her core.

It wasn’t because of the circumstances, nor his state. It was because of the way he looked at her. His expression was all too familiar, and it terrified her.

It was a look of absolute misery. Agony. Anguish. Despair... But at the same time, there was also something else beneath it.

Something… _pleading._

Rey felt her heart pound loudly in her chest, anxiety threatening to make her legs give in beneath her. It was all too much.

Ben got to his feet, and Rey found the spell he had her under break. Acting on instinct, she twirled around and ran back to the entrance of the apartment complex, barely able to unlock the door due to her shaking hands. When she finally got to her apartment she threw the door open and slammed it shut behind her, locking it as quickly as she could. She didn’t even know why. It wasn’t like she thought he would somehow come after her or hurt her. It wasn’t _fear_ of him that caused her to flee.

Rather, the sheer impact of seeing him in a state like that had her deeply unsettled. His expression was burned into her mind and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t chase it away.

She only knew one person able to make that face.

And it was herself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!  
> Man, this chapter was quite heavy to write. I also found it interesting to tie Ben into it, as this chapter represents a moment of recognition between the two. It also gives a little peek into Ben and his demons, which will come into greater play later on.  
> Again, I cannot thank you guys enough for reading, all your kind comments, kudos and bookmarks! Truly, I am beyond the moon and you spoil me rotten!  
> As always I can be found on Tumblr or Twitter under the username novaebesols! Come say hi sometime!  
> ~Novae Be Sols~


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets an unexpected surge of inspiration and spends time with Finn during her day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have art!  
> I have embedded it in the fic where it relates to the story. I'll add the artist's details at the note-section in the end of the chapter!  
> Enjoy!

 

 

The next morning, Rey woke up late. As she turned over in bed and looked at the clock, she almost had a heart-attack.

_10:45._

Panicking, she was about to bolt up before suddenly remembering what day it was.

Saturday.

Her day off.

Rey closed her eyes and smiled to herself in relief, realizing what that entailed. After two weeks of never ending stress and work, she finally had an entire day without any obligations.

Glancing over to the corner of the room, Rey’s eyes fell upon a few buckets of paint lined up by her dresser. Next to it stood a large ladder which she had borrowed from Finn a few days ago, as well as a few unopened boxes of brushes, masking tape, plastic sheeting and paint rollers. Her smile faded as realization hit her. Laying back down, she grabbed her pillow and put it over her face in resignation. Rey had originally decided to use her free time today to scrape the peeling flakes off her walls and ceiling to prepare it for a fresh coating of paint. But now that the day was here, there was not a single part of her that wanted to.

Rey got out of her bed, donned her slippers and went for the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. Once there, she turned on her water boiler and grabbed a cup from the drying sheet by the sink. While waiting for the familiar click from the boiler, she leaned over the kitchen counter with her head in her hands, tapping on it impatiently with a fingernail. The flaking paint on the wall above the kitchen window caught her eye, now seemingly drooping even more than what it had the last time she saw it. But she barely offered it a thought. There was just no way she could be bothered today.

Rey’s apartment had been falling apart for a long time, even before she moved into it. It was an old building that hadn’t been renovated in ages, but her unit was by far the one worse off. Her landlord hadn’t even tried to hide it when she came for a viewing, instead trying to push her into a unit on the first floor that was also vacant. Rey on the other hand, could only focus on the cheap rent that came with the condition and had insisted it was fine. In time, she figured she would do some work on the place to relieve the musty smell and dreary mood, but so far that had proven impossible due to her busy work schedule. But Rey had seen some shit in her lifetime. A shabby apartment did little to deter her.

The peeling paint and wallpaper. The dated furniture. The scratched floors.

None of it really bothered her enough to waste one of her rare days off improving it. Or at least, not this day.

Cup of steaming hot tea in hand, she went into the spare bedroom opposite her own.

 

The spare bedroom was the only room in the apartment that Rey didn’t outright hate. It was small and cozy, with a tiny bed in the corner and a large window overlooking the common-area below. Since Rey never had people over, she had decided on using the room for one of her only private indulgences in life; art. Whenever she had a day off she would stand in front of her secondhand easel, sketching and painting until her wrist hurt and her eyes were dry. Art was the only thing Rey had ever had as a pastime and to her it had been meditative. Even from her time with Plutt, it had been the only escape in an otherwise hopeless existence.

Rey sat her cup down on her desk, pulled out her A3 notebook and looked at her sketches from the past month. There had to be something in there she could use. Maybe she could do a landscape? Or a portrait? She grimaced as she flipped through the pages, realizing just how dried up her inspiration had been lately. Not one sketch spoke to her or invited her into making a grand scale version of it.

Not being in the mood for more sketching, Rey simply put up her hair, took a large sip from her tea and grabbed her charcoal pencil. Freestyle it was.

Rey rarely sketched out her ideas on canvas, because the large ones she liked to use the most were so expensive. Instead, she used to scribble her ideas and designs down in smaller scale before moving on to the actual artwork using the sketch as a reference. But today, she felt different.

The moment her pencil started to move across the canvas, it seemed to have a mind of its own. She moved from pencil to paint in record time, completely forgetting about her tea now growing cold on the desk beside her.

Slowly but surely, the image came alive in front of her. It was a dark piece, with a single person as the focus. He was pictured from the shoulders and up, looking down and surrounded by the dark veil of the night. His expression was as dark as his surroundings and he was frowning at something unseen. Rey moved her brush in quick strokes, outlining the dark, locks that fell around his face. A face that-

She stopped mid-stroke with her brush, jaw falling open slightly as she realized what exactly she was painting.

And _who_.

While it was still rough, it suddenly became obvious what she was looking at. The strong, robust features of her neighbor were unmistakable in any setting. Rey had been so immersed in her work that she didn’t really stop to think where her spark of inspiration had come from. But now, it was clear as day. The painting was without a doubt how she had seen Ben last night; gaze solemn and pained as he stared at his bleeding hand. A sense of panic suddenly filled her, and she grabbed the canvas off the easel, suddenly wanting to destroy it and rid herself of any evidence that it ever existed.

But something made her stop. Slowly, she held it up to look at it, grimacing.

The more she looked, the more her features softened. From an objective perspective, the painting had the potential to be good. Very good, even. The stark contrasts between Ben’s light skin against the dark background and with his dark hair hanging into his face gave the piece a strong sense of character. Rey carefully placed the painting back on the easel, picking up her brush to trace the outline of his face properly and now with purpose.

A strong, sharp nose. Full lips. A soft chin. Vibrant eyes as dark in color as his luscious black locks that framed his face.

Rey swallowed slightly as she carefully traced every line, jogging her mind to remember the moment and his appearance as clearly as she could.

Ben had… interesting features, she realized. Features that were well suited for a portrait, especially one as moody such as this. Seeing him like this, in harmless image-form, allowed her to really look at him properly for the first time. She continued painting, mindlessly dotting a few of the numerous moles trailing his face with a thin brush in careful pokes.

Rey sighed. Looking at him last night had been a new experience for her, as she saw the cold, rude and hopelessly annoying neighbor she had loathed for weeks, suddenly display an entirely different demeanor. He had the chance to at least try, but he hadn’t bothered hiding it from her. For what reason she didn’t know, but something had rattled her that night. While her feelings about him still hadn’t changed, Rey realized that the enigma that was Ben Solo might be a deeper rabbit-hole than what she had originally thought. Why had he been outside, punching himself to the point of bleeding on the trunk of a tree in the middle of the night? Why didn’t he bark at her the moment he saw her, just like he usually did? And why did he look at her like…

Like _that_?

Rey shook her head, realizing she would probably never get to know. As the hours passed and her thoughts had droned themselves dry after endless repetition, she finally had to stop working. Her wrist and shoulder burned from the strain, and she determined she would have to finish it up later on. Taking a step back, she wiped her paint-stained hands a few times on her ragged t-shirt before observing her work.

Looking at it, even half-done, Rey had to admit that the piece was pretty good. In fact, it was probably one of the best she had done. While initially ashamed for painting him of all people, Rey had eventually managed to let the matter go. It wasn’t like he would ever get to know, and it wasn’t like she would showcase it to anyone else either. It would be her little secret, nothing more than a creative exploitation of the moment they both had shared that night.

 

* * *

 

 

“…so then, this woman just gets up and calls me a moron before stomping off without paying! Can you believe the nerve of some people?”

Rey shook her head slightly in indignation as Finn finished telling his story. After his shift had ended, the two of them had met up for a coffee and a walk in the local park to pass the evening. It was still quite early, so there were still a lot of people about. Joggers ran laps around the small pond by the outskirts of the park. Families played eagerly on the nearby swing-sets. A little girl tossed a frisbee to a giant mastiff twice her size, laughing heartily every time it returned it to her. The sight made Rey smile to herself. If she had to pick one thing besides her art, people-watching would probably be another favorite pastime of hers.

“Some people are just idiots by nature. It’s not your fault, you know”

Finn let out a sharp breath, leaning back onto the bench they were sitting on.

“Tell that to Larma. She’s pulling it out of my paycheck”

Grimacing, Rey took a sip of her less than impressive iced mocha they had gotten from a nearby corner shop. It was so bitter it made her clench her teeth as she swallowed.

“That’s pretty harsh”

Finn simply smirked.

“I MAY have been a bit over the line”

Rey sent him a careful smile. He had never been the type to take shit from anyone, so this didn’t really surprise her. This in turn, made her think of an entirely different matter.

“By the way, how did it go yesterday?” she asked, finally brave enough to do so. She knew Finn had been on a date, but he hadn’t mentioned it at all since the two of them met up. Considering that, Rey was sure she already knew the answer. Finn clenched his jaw slightly.

“Not too good I’m afraid. The guy was a creep”

Rey raised an eyebrow.

“Creep?”

“As in only after one thing and not even bothering being subtle about it” Finn said quietly, shaking his head.

“My luck is shit. He seemed nice when we chatted online”

Rey simply pat his shoulder reassuringly, doing her best in plastering on a comforting smile. She didn’t really know what to say to help, as her luck with men had been equally as bad as Finn’s. Despite his eager coaxing, Rey had never tried online dating herself. Every guy she had ever been with had been the result of a night of drunken escapades, where she had walked home the next morning with her makeup smeared and carrying her high-heels in her hand. There had been one or two more serious cases, but Rey had been the one to break them off every time. Despite the fact that they were all very collected, pleasant and stable individuals, Rey had simply never felt that connected to either of them. While she had been described by her friends as “difficult” in that department for her inability to find a lasting boyfriend, Rey herself couldn’t even tell what it was she was looking for. All she knew was that so far, she hadn’t found it.

A tennis ball suddenly came flying out from the trees towards them, with what had to be the fattest corgi Rey had ever seen chasing after it. She chuckled slightly to herself as the little creature desperately attempted to coordinate its legs to keep moving towards its target. It tripped clumsily a few times before finally reaching it, panting heavily with its tongue hanging out of its mouth. It looked up, seemingly eyeing Rey and Finn on the bench a few paces away. Finn laughed audibly.

“The hell? That has to be the cutest thing I ever saw”

The corgi suddenly bounded for them excitedly. After seemingly summoning every little bit of force that it had into its legs, it made a miserable attempt to jump up into Finn’s lap. Had Finn not reached out his hands to catch it, there was no way it would have made it. His cup of iced vanilla latte fell out of his hand and onto the grass, sending a small spray of beige liquid spouting into the air. Finn barely seemed to take notice.

The corgi went absolutely crazy, showering Finn in licks as its tail wagged like windshield wipers in a rainstorm. Finn continued to laugh as he pet it.

“What the hell, little one?” he said in between dodging the dogs insistent shower of affection. “What did I ever do to you?”

Rey smiled slightly to herself.

“Dogs always love you, Finn. Maybe they can sense how much you like them”

Finn dragged the corgi off his face and held it in his lap, petting it behind its ears. He was too distracted by it to notice the owner approaching them.

Rey wasn’t. She smiled brightly at him as he walked towards them, suddenly seeing the resemblance.

“So, this is BeeBee” Rey said at the man, making Finn’s head pop up quickly. Poe returned the smile, looking at both of them.

“Sorry about that. She isn’t usually one to rush up to strangers”

He looked at Finn who still held the wagging dog in his lap.

“You sure don’t seem to mind though. Finn, was it?”

Finn nodded slightly.

“Ah, yeah… No, it’s fine. I love dogs”

Poe seemed entertained.

“Apparently the feeling is mutual” he said, grinning. “Mind if I join you for a while?”

Rey shook her head and scooted over to the far end of the bench, leaving room between them.

“Feel free” she said as she patted the spot. After falling into the seat, Poe looked over at BeeBee still wagging like there was no tomorrow on Finn’s lap. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of tissues, offering it to Finn.

“Looks like I owe you a drink, Finn. And maybe a new shirt”

He grinned sheepishly as he pointed to a small wet stain on the shoulder of Finn’s dark-grey shirt, probably caused by the latte now coating the grass by their feet. Finn held up his arm to see better before chuckling slightly to himself.

“Ah, don’t worry about it”

He uneasily accepted the package before starting to wipe the area as dry as he could. Poe leaned forward on the bench to reach BeeBee’s tennis ball on the ground, before tossing it as far as he could. BeeBee was after it in an instant, jumping off Finn’s lap and running as fast as her little legs could carry her. When she came back she stopped expectantly at Finn’s feet, ball in mouth and tail wagging a mile a minute. Finn obliged, wrestling the ball from the dog and tossed it, making BeeBee bark in delight as she was off once more.

Poe's smile was nothing short of brilliant as he observed them.

“BeeBee sure warmed up to you quickly. You have to be a special case”

Rey peeked over at Finn, seeing him swallow hard at Poe’s comment.

“Oh, he is” she added, making Finn divert his eyes.

 

A while had passed when Poe’s phone went off. BeeBee was just returning with her tennis ball for what seemed to be the 100th time, this time offering it to Rey. Poe got up and went a few paces away to take the call, while Rey and Finn sat down on the ground, suddenly exhausted by the strain of entertaining the little bundle of energy.

"He's a nice guy" Rey said, looking at Finn. He blinked, as if not having understood what she just said.

"I guess" he agreed carefully. 

Poe returned a moment later, leaving it at that.

“Sorry guys, I gotta go” Poe said, stuffing his phone back into the pocket of his washed-out jeans.

“I’m delivering BeeBee to her sitter a few blocks away and she just called asking me where the heck I was at”

He walked over to BeeBee and pried the tennis ball out of her maw, before pulling out her leash and attaching it to her collar. Once done, he turned back to Finn and Rey.

“Hey, total longshot here but… You know, if you ever do want to take me up on that drink, I’d be happy to hang out when you have time”

Finn’s lips parted slightly in surprise before forming a thin line as he swallowed. Rey held up her mocha at Poe.

“Count me in”

Poe smiled before looking at Finn expectantly. Finn still didn’t seem to remember how to make words leave his mouth. After a few seconds of silence, he seemingly composed himself.

“Um, sure. Thanks”

Poe winked at them before turning and walking off with a reluctant BeeBee, waving a hand as he left. Rey scooted closer to Finn, nudging him slightly in the ribs with her elbow.

“Your shit luck strikes again”

Finn nudged Rey back, although failed to hide the smile on his face.

“Shut up, Rey”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to showcase a wonderful piece made by a friend of mine! I think it really captures the emotions within him well, while it also plays on the light and dark aspects within him perfectly through the use of colour. It certainly works well as an imagining of how Rey's painting of Ben could look like. I highly advise you to check her out on Instagram (birgithesolstrand)
> 
> Bah, finally an update! This chapter took me forever, mostly because I hit a massive writer's block. I wrote maybe 3-4 versions of it before finally settling on this one. I'm not thrilled, but what can you do.  
> The original chapter also got so long that I had to split it in two, which will be the next chapter!  
> Again, thanks for all your comments and kudos! With the last chapter we passed 100 kudos and I am truly humbled!  
> As always I can be found on Twitter and Tumblr under the same username as here! Come say hi sometime!  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Finn enjoy a night out together with Poe and Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A double-whammy! As promised, here is the next chapter. I have finally recovered (at least for now) from the writer's block, so hopefully I'll maintain a more normal frequency from now on. Hooray!

 

Finn and Rey took up Poe on his invitation a week later, deciding on meeting him at “Kanata’s” for a few drinks the next Saturday. They also decided on inviting Rose to come along, who had just broken it off with the guy she had been dating. The break-up had been particularly hard on her, especially since she was currently so involved in planning Paige’s wedding as her maid of honor. She sighed loudly and leaned her forehead on the dark wooden table, seemingly completely spent. She had just finished telling the group about the break up and Rey had to admit it sounded like far more drama than she herself would have been able to handle. But having just lost her boyfriend while her sister was preparing to get married, Rey could easily understand her sadness.

“Come on, chin up, Rosie” Finn tried, reaching out to pat her shoulder. “Plenty of fish in the sea, you know”

Rose simply sent him a glare in return.

“Easy for you to say…” she muttered.

Finn frowned.

“What’s that supposed to mean? You are aware I’m no luckier than you in that department, right?”

Rose’s mouth formed a thin line as she measured him up and down. It appeared that whatever comment she was about to make, she decided on swallowing it back down instead. But Rey could easily tell what she was thinking of.

Finn was a very attractive guy. Regardless of whatever intentions he had for the evening, it was clear that he had been very meticulous when dressing up on this night in particular. His outfit consisted of his nicest black shirt that showcased his athletic build perfectly, as well as a pair of very neat pair of dark jeans. Rey on her end was sure it was because Poe would be there, and he wanted to give off a good impression. When she had asked him about it however, Finn had denied it quite ardently. Not that she believed him anyway.

Finn eventually looked away, seemingly oblivious to the attention he was attracting. He nurtured his beer slowly, mind obviously elsewhere. Poe was running late and despite his still nervous demeanor, Finn seemed genuinely excited to see him.

Rose didn’t say anything else on the matter, grimacing to herself before straightening up in her seat. She took another large sip from her beverage, making Rey raise an eyebrow at her.

“Geez, Rose. You’re not holding back tonight”

“Why should I?” she chided. “I’m back on the market. Might as well loosen up a bit and have some fun with my friends”

Finn raised his glass.

"Hear, hear"

“Drinking on the job, are we?”

All three of them turned their heads to look in the direction of the voice. Apparently, Poe had managed to enter the bar and order himself a drink without them noticing. He now stood by their table, full glass in his hand and his normally brilliant smile plastered on his face. Finn noticeably straightened up in his seat.

“Please don’t tell on us, will you?” Rey said dryly, before Poe fell into the seat between Rose and Finn. He chuckled slightly at the comment.

“Promise. Hi Rose”

Rose nodded at him, smiling. Poe then turned to Finn.

“If it isn’t the dog whisperer. Glad you could make it”

Finn seemed shell-shocked, yet somehow managed to keep himself together.

“Ah, yeah. Hi” he said, managing a smile. “What are you drinking?”

Poe looked towards the glass in his hand, as if suddenly now realizing he was carrying it.

“Oh, it’s a porter”

Rose grinned.

“Do you EVER drink anything else?”

“Yeah” Poe said before taking a swig. He seemed thoughtful for a moment.

“Actually, when I think about it… no”

Soft chuckles echoed around the table. Finn seemed to relax more, shifting slightly in his seat.

“So, the bar was swamped so I didn’t get to ask her myself, but how are you two holding up?” Poe said, looking at Rose. “Planning a wedding and completing her degree at the same time sure sounds like the timing from hell”

Rose immediately looked 10 years older at the mere mention of it.

“Oh, god…” she breathed, hiding her face away in her hand. A small smile crept across her lips.

“She’s on track as far as the finals go, but she never manages to decide on anything for the wedding. I am so sick of picking out flowers, tablecloths, cutlery and looking at dresses. And she is so picky! I mean, look at her!”

Rose pointed an accusing finger towards Paige, serving an entourage of young men that seemed far more interested in her than the beverages.

“That freaking siren over there looks good in absolutely everything. We’ve tried ballgowns. Simple. Elegant. Tacky. Absurd. And somehow, she pulls it off no matter what. And still she can’t find anything she likes”

Rose seemed utterly defeated.

“I love her to death and all, but sometimes I’m just so jealous of her. Looking like that. Accomplishing all that she’s done. Sometimes, I wish I could be more like her”

Poe smiled, reaching out a hand to ruffle her hair. Rose immediately started fighting his hands.

“Hey, I spent a long time on this hairstyle!”

“Rosie, don’t ever feel inferior” Poe said simply, making her look up at him in surprise. She blushed slightly, swatting his hand away.

“I said sometimes, alright? No need to get sentimental”

She stretched her arms out above her head before letting them fall dramatically at her sides. Her smile returned.

“But it’s good to ventilate now and then. Thanks for putting up with it”

Rey smiled, reaching out to give her friend a hug with her free arm.

“You know we love you. You can vent as much as you want with us”

“Hoold on, Rey” Finn protested, eyes shimmering with enthusiasm. “Don’t make promises on behalf of all of us now”

Rose grabbed a peanut from the bowl in the middle of the table, tossing it at his forehead in mock animosity.

“Nobody asked you, anyway!” she laughed, making the rest of the group join in.

“I see you’re having fun”

The group looked up in unison, seeing Paige stand by their table. Rose snickered slightly as she began gathering their empty glasses on the tray she was carrying, and rested her chin in her hand.

“It’s like Beetlejuice. We said her name too many times”

Paige seemed confused, obviously not understanding the reference.

“What now?”

“We were just talking about the preparations for your wedding” Rey shot in.

“Ah, yes. I’d tell you all about it if I had time, but we’re swamped today. I just came over here to give you a fair warning”

She looked down, her eyes meeting Rey’s.

“Not to alarm you or anything, but your boyfriend just walked in”

Rey felt herself straightening up in her seat. Paige looked across the room to a spot at the far end of the bar. Rey barely dared trailing her gaze to find who she was looking at.

_There he was._

Ben was taking off his dark grey coat and hanging it on the back of his chair as his friends poured into the seats surrounding him. They didn’t seem to have noticed them yet. Rey groaned audibly, making everyone around her table look at her.

“You have a boyfriend?” Poe asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rey glared at him.

“Not by a long shot. It’s the neighbor. Paige is just poking fun at me”

Paige leaned over towards Poe.

“It’s the guy sitting between the brunette and the redhead. The dark-haired one”

Poe leaned slightly forward to be able to see.

“Not bad, Rey. He’s a real looker”

Finn seemed to perk up slightly next to him. Rey felt her head boil.

“For the love of God, not you too” she snapped, albeit a bit harsher than intended.

Poe raised his hands defensively in front of him.

“Whatever you say, girl”

As Paige left to bring them a refill on their drinks and the conversation moved on, Rey couldn’t help but steal another peek over at Ben’s table. His group still seemed oblivious to their presence. For some reason, Rey just wanted to disappear into the floor and escape. Embarrassment churned inside her gut over the large and now finished painting of him waiting for her back home, but she didn’t really understand why. There was no way he would find out. But still, looking at him after that night still felt…different, somehow.

Mitaka sat gesturing wildly with his hand, apparently engrossed in telling an engaging story to the rest of the gang. When he finished and laughter broke out between them, Rey nearly choked on her drink.

Ben smiled.

Laughed even.

Having only ever known him for his foul mood and seen his darkest expressions for so long, Rey was genuinely stunned by the view. So, he could make a face like that. He just deliberately treated her like crap. The thought was far from delightful.

A young brunette Rey hadn’t seen before leaned in towards him, making Ben’s gaze turn in her direction. Apparently, whatever she said to him was highly entertaining as he kept nodding and smiling as she spoke and broke into laughter once more when she finished.

Rey frowned, mood instantly soured. Knowing he actually could be civil, did nothing to alleviate her disdain for the guy. Had she really deserved the constant bickering just by going down that night and ask him to be quiet?

She turned back to what remained of her beer, finishing it in one go. What a shapeshifting scumbag.

“Shots”

The conversation around her table stilled as she spoke, all three of them turning to look at her.

“What?” Finn said, surprise evident in his voice.

Rey glared at him.

“You heard me”

Rose squealed slightly in delight.

“Really? For once?”

Rey nodded, digging into her pocket and dragging a wrinkly, 50$ bill out of her wallet. She slammed it into the table.

“First round is on me”

Rose was out of her seat before anyone else could open their mouths. She grabbed the money and ran towards the bar eagerly. Finn eyed Rey suspiciously.

“What’s the occasion? You never want to have shots”

Rey shrugged.

“This was to be a night of fun, right? So why not?”

“You’ve never been into the harder stuff, Rey” Finn said quietly, seemingly understanding something else was behind it. “Why the sudden interest?”

“Look” Rey started, allowing her usual walls to crumble if only for a moment. “If I can combine having a great time with my friends and manage to drink the knowledge of Ben being here away at the same time, I’d call that two birds with one stone” she said honestly, smiling at them.

Poe and Finn looked at each other before nodding slightly, just as Rose came back to the table carrying a large tray with no less than 8 shots on it. Seeing the looks the others were giving her, Rose waved a hand dismissively as she handed Rey back her change.

“I paid for the second round. You boys get the next two, alright?”

While Rey’s stomach was already tossing and turning at the mere sight of the glasses, she quickly grabbed one and held it up into the air. The others followed suit and as they clinked, Rey felt the sensation of eyes burning into her. Instinctively she turned to see Ben staring at her from across the room, apparently finally noticing they were there. Rey swallowed slightly. While his gaze wasn’t hostile, it was just as expressionless as she had grown to expect from him. And having just seen him laugh and joke with his friends, it pissed her off more than usual.

Frowning, she tilted her glass and emptied it in one go, fighting desperately to let the burning liquid past her tongue. As she finally managed to swallow it down, she felt the heat from it spread from her belly and into the rest of her body. The sensation almost made her giddy. It didn’t matter that Ben was there. She wouldn’t let it get to her. Seeing the expressions on her friends’ faces, gasping as they too finished their drinks, she felt her smile grow on her lips. These were the people that mattered. And she would make damned sure they would have one hell of a good time.

 

* * *

 

 

Four rounds of shots and another beer later, Rey’s body was pleading for mercy. The conversation had turned borderline infantile as all four of them started to feel the effects of their drinks. For a while they competed, trying their best to tell their most embarrassing stories about each other. Needless to say, it sparked more than a few laughing fits between them. Rey laughed until tears were streaming down her face, not able to remember when she last had this much fun. After a while when the mood had calmed down a bit from the initial buzz, Rey took a moment to observe her entourage. Finn seemed quite drunk, yet had also loosened up noticeably around Poe. Instead of rigid in his seat, Finn was now sitting turned towards Poe and leaning in slightly as they had begun exchanging stories about growing up with dogs. Rose had clocked out completely and sat with her back to them, idly chatting with the people sitting at the table behind them. Rey couldn’t help but notice she was looking particularly googly-eyed at a particularly athletic guy in a slim-fitted t-shirt. But while all of them was definitively drunk, Rey seemed to be the only one out of the bunch who couldn’t hold her liquor.

After some time of contemplation, she staggered to her feet, wobbling slightly. Finn and Poe looked up at her as soon as she rose.

“What’s up?” Finn asked, inebriation slurring his words slightly. Rey took a deep breath.

“I just need some air. I don’t feel so good”

“Want us to come along?” Poe offered, making Rey wave her hand. They seemed so cozy and Finn had actually managed to let his guard down for once. She didn’t want to interrupt them.

“Oh, no. I’m fine. I’ll be back in a bit, promise”

As she strode off towards the exit, she did her best to not look in the direction of Ben’s table. The night had been so much fun, and she had managed to somewhat forget about his presence for the majority of it. She didn’t want it to end now.

The slight breeze outside was a godsend to her dulled senses. Rey breathed in and out several times in pure delight. She groaned loudly as she stumbled through the outside seating area, falling into a chair at the table on the far end. God, why did she drink so much? And why on earth did it have to be shots? While she had no early morning shift the next day, she was sure working the night at the bar would suck beyond belief.

The sound of the door opening pulled her out of her thoughts as the pleasant buzz from the bar flooded her ears. She cocked her head up, seeing Ben’s group apparently having had enough for one night. They lingered for a moment, laughing hysterically as Ben tripped on his own feet down the steps, only keeping himself upright by grabbing onto the railing.

Rey stayed still as a statue, barely daring to breathe. While she sat quite far away, having them discovering her now and engaging her would be an absolute nightmare scenario.

“Seriously, Solo. Will you get home alright?” Hux mused, words slightly slurred in inebriation. Ben only swatted a hand at him in a reply. Hux barely dodged it, slamming into a lamppost in the process and making it rattle loudly above his head.

Phasma, looking as flawless as ever, laughed loudly before grabbing the arm of the brunette accompanying them.

“Come on, Lusica. Let’s ditch these boys before they break something”

The brunette, Lusica, chuckled to herself, waving a hand teasingly, before the two women started walking down the street with their arms linked.

Hux suddenly seemed panicked.

“Hey, I’m going that way too, you know!”

He turned to Ben one more time, staring at him for a few more seconds as if assessing if he truly could leave his friend behind.

“Are you coming, Armitage?” Phasma called from further down the street, obviously settling the matter. Hux forcefully slapped Ben’s back as if in some sort of goodbye, before turning to run after the women.

Ben was left alone, staring after them as they disappeared around the corner. He let out a heavy sigh, still holding onto the railing for support. Rey swallowed, her heart throbbing loudly in her chest as she stared at his wide back, desperately hoping he wouldn’t notice her.

“Why, hello there little lady”

Rey turned in shock as she suddenly noticed two men stand before her, leaning on the fence separating the seating area from the sidewalk. The one who had spoken; a young man wearing a dark sweater and with blonde, spiky locks were looking her up and down, a drunken smirk plastered on his face. Rey grimaced, daring another peek over at Ben. He had obviously heard it too, as he had now turned their way and was staring at her. His dark gaze flickered from her to the man in front of her, as if trying to assess the situation.

Rey returned her attention to the man in front of her.

“What do you want?” she asked quietly, making the man look at his friend. The two laughed slightly.

“Why, that’s not very friendly, is it? We just wanted to say hi, is all. Are you here all by yourself?”

Rey grimaced.

“Maybe I am, and maybe I’m not”

The blonde put his hands on his hips, as if amused by her defiance.

“Aw, come on. We’re nice people, really. We could grab a drink or something-“

“No” Rey interrupted, desperately trying to avoid slurring her words. She stole another peek over at Ben, who suddenly seemed a lot more sober. He had straightened up significantly and almost seemed like he wanted to interfere.

The men exchanged looks before chuckling again. Rey didn’t like the sound of it one bit.

“A girl like you shouldn’t be alone outside at an hour like this, you know. There could be…” he hesitated, scratching his stubbled chin with his fingers. “Predators about”

“Oh, you mean like yourself?” Rey challenged. His eyes shimmered.

“Possibly. How about we walk you home? Or we could drop by our place and…”

The tone in his voice made Rey get up abruptly, fists clenched.

“Let me make this perfectly clear…” she started silently, summoning as much venom as she possibly could into her voice.

“I am not interested. Got it? This is your final warning to get the hell out of my face”

The blonde grinned.

“Wow, feisty this one”

His friend looked skeptical.

“Just let it go, will you? This one is no pushover”

Rey saw Ben start to move in their direction out of the corner of her eye. What was he doing? Coming to her aid? She laughed slightly to herself at the thought. If that was the case, he would be in for one hell of a surprise. Because what Ben didn’t know, was that Rey was more than capable of taking care of herself.

The blonde jumped the low fence in one swift motion, coming face to face with Rey. She didn’t waste a single moment. Before he could open his mouth to attempt to coax her further, Rey punched him as hard as she could in his jaw. The impact sent him off balance and tumbling back over the other side of the fence, his arms and legs flailing wildly as he fell. The smile melted off his buddy’s face and he took a few steps back in surprise, looking from Rey to his friend now a groaning mess on the curb.

“I warned you, didn’t I?” Rey hissed, steadying herself. “Get the fuck out of my face”

The friend seemed to get the hint, holding up one hand in front of him as he knelt to try and reclaim the blonde.

“S-sorry miss, I’ll… We’ll… For the love of God, Jack, get the fuck up!”

The blonde simply groaned but managed to put his legs underneath him somehow and staggered off together with his friend.

Rey shook her wrist a few times, feeling the pain of the blow still resonate in it. She had sworn after Plutt that never again would anyone try to take advantage of her, and so far she had kept that promise. Not by relying on anyone else, but by becoming capable of protecting herself.

Suddenly, she remembered Ben. She turned around, seeing Ben stand a few feet away from her, staring at her as if in awe over what he had just witnessed. His shocked demeanor eventually shifted, lips clenching together as if he was trying to contain himself.

“What?” Rey demanded, annoyed.

Ben cracked completely, suddenly starting to laugh. Rey’s frown vanished as she started at him, wondering how on earth this scene could be funny to him. Seeing him laugh up close however, was quite the surreal experience.

_It almost made him look…_

Rey shook her head, chasing the thought away. Ben seemingly managed to contain himself after a few moments, reaching up a hand to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye.

“Oh, God…” he breathed. “Aren’t you something”

Rey smirked.

“I thought you knew by now that I don’t take shit from anyone”

Ben’s eyes sparkled dangerously as he caught her gaze.

“You’re right. But never the less, that was still impressive. And here I was, ready to swoop in”

Rey raised an eyebrow. While she had realized he would help her if he saw she needed it, it was still a surprise to hear him admit it out loud.

“Why?” she asked, feeling herself soften a bit.

Ben sighed.

“I see the impression I’ve made on you is nothing short of horrid since you even have to ask that question”

Rey felt the corner of her mouth pull involuntarily into a smile.

“You’re not wrong there”

Ben didn’t say anything else, just kept staring off into space across the road. Now and then a few cars passed by, illuminating the deserted streets with their headlights. Rey suddenly felt her body return to normal rhythms. Her legs felt weak and she slowly sat back down into her chair, breathing out heavily. Her hand started to throb alongside her heartbeat and she mindlessly stroked it with her fingers in an attempt to alleviate the pain. To her surprise, she felt a warm liquid coat the tips of her fingers.

“Ah, fuck” she breathed, making Ben look over at her. “I must have hit his tooth”

To her surprise, Ben smiled at this.

“Hold on” he said, sitting down on the chair next to her and started digging into the pocket of his shoulder bag. After a few moments he pulled out a pocket-sized med-kit. Rey looked at him in absolute bewilderment as he popped it open and took out a small piece of wrapped gauze and a band aid.

“Aren’t you well-equipped…” she muttered, not knowing what else to say.

Ben simply shrugged.

“Doesn’t hurt to be prepared”

He offered her the items and she wordlessly accepted it. While a simple _“thank you”_ would normally suffice in a situation such as this, she found it impossible to say the words to him.

“Truthfully, you’re kind of scaring me now” she admitted quietly as she started wiping the small trickle of blood on her knuckles away with the gauze. “This has to be the nicest you’ve ever been to me”

Ben’s eyes shimmered for a moment underneath the moonlight before he looked away. A small smile trailed across his face, yet it was so faint it was barely noticeable.

“Don’t get too used to it” he said, but there were no hints of his usual arrogance in his voice.

Rey felt a sting deep within her, reminding her of how he had looked all evening together with his friends. This, or something close to this, was how he was while he spent time with them. But the two of them had been butting heads from the very start. If Ben turned out to be an ass to everyone, that would have been somewhat easier to accept. But knowing there was a part of him that was reasonable and friendly, somehow hurt more than what she had thought it would. Why was it that the two of them couldn’t get along, when he seemingly got along with everyone else?

It was under the starry skies of that Saturday evening, with an empowering buzz of alcohol rushing through her, that Rey finally dared asking what she had wanted to for so long.

“Ben…?” she started, making him turn towards her.

“Yes?”

“Why do you hate me so much?”

Ben’s face turned completely blank for a moment. The normal furrow of his brows eased. His jaw relaxed. His lips parted slightly. Rey kept her eyes on his, wanting to show that she meant it. After a little while, he swallowed slightly.

“I could ask you the same thing. You don’t like me either, you know”

“Granted. But that still doesn’t answer my question” she pressed. Ben seemed slightly uncomfortable.

“I’m not sure we should-“

“Please” Rey pleaded, making Ben’s jaw churn uncomfortably. After a moment of hesitation, he sighed.

“Because I don’t like myself” he said darkly, looking away.

Rey frowned, unable to make sense of his answer.

“How on earth is that related?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he leered.

“Not even slightly” she countered, leaning slightly across the table that separated them.

Ben looked as if he was going to argue, yet seemingly decided against it last minute. Instead, he breathed in deeply.

“Let me put it in a different way, then. That night, when you saw me outside, do you know what I was doing?”

Rey huffed loudly, somewhat annoyed that he seemed unable to straight up answer her question.

“I dunno, landscaping?”

His eyes darkened.

”I was blowing off steam”

“Blowing…off steam” Rey repeated. “By punching a tree. In the middle of the night”

Ben shrugged, leaning his head back against the wall behind them and closing his eyes.

“Some girl comes knocking the moment I do it indoors”

Rey breath caught in her throat. Suddenly everything made sense. The sounds she had been hearing coming from his apartment had been of him-

“But wasn’t that what you were doing as well?”

Rey was instantly snapped out of her thoughts at the tone of his voice.

_What on earth was he…?_

“What do you mean?” she said quietly, but she wasn’t really sure if she wanted to know the answer.

“When outside” he said, straightening up in his seat. “Weren’t you out blowing off steam as well?”

Rey’s words caught in her throat. She tried swallowing, yet her throat was as dry as a desert.

“I was just-“

“No” Ben interrupted, voice suddenly clear and without the slur of inebriation.

“I hear you, you know”

He looked down, gaze seemingly settling on his bandaged hand. Rey held her breath.

_No._

“You scream a lot in your sleep” he said silently, words suddenly as soft as a mere whisper on the wind. Regardless, they hit her like a truck. All Rey wanted to do was get to her feet and run away. But something in his eyes kept her in her seat.

“That’s why I hate you, Rey Johnson” he said curtly. “Because I see too much of myself in you”

Rey felt tears threaten to form in her eyes. She blinked vigorously to chase them away, clenching her fists tightly.

“I’m nothing like you” she hissed quietly, yet her voice trembled with every word.

“Oh, but you are” he murmured, voice dangerously low.

“I see it, even now. Having known those ugly things for so long, it’s easy to see in others as well”

He blinked slowly, cocking his head slightly as he stared at her. His eyes were swimming but remarkably clear as they caught her own.

“Abandonment. Loneliness. Sorrow. They leave marks. You’ve seen all that and more. I can tell”

Rey physically flinched in her seat. She wanted to argue, but she was too shocked to say a single word. Was he… toying with her, somehow? But if he was, how could he hit the nail on the head like that? She looked at him, wondering what on earth to say.

Could he really tell? Could he really see that part of her, despite her efforts at always suppressing it? He didn’t even know her, but in spite of that, his look was knowing as he stared at her. He turned to rest his head, closing his eyes once more.

“That’s what I thought”

Rey started fidgeting with the gauze in her hand, suddenly feeling cornered. Even though it was minor, she couldn't stop thinking about how her wound mirrored Ben's perfectly. She had never been an open person. She had always been told she was hard to read. But why was it that Ben saw so easily what no one else could?

“Don’t dwell on it” he said silently. “It’ll consume you”

Rey went into defense mode, not knowing what else to do.

“Why, because you would know what that’s like?”

His eyes opened yet he didn’t look at her. He simply stared out into the open air in front of him. Or rather, he stared beyond it. Whatever he was seeing, it was not a product of the current time and place.

“Yup”

Rey felt herself soften a bit. For once, Ben’s walls were down and unguarded. For once, she could peer into the person behind it all. What she saw was the same she had merely glimpsed that night, something far too familiar to her. And it _hurt_.

“How do you… I mean, how does…?”

Ben straightened up in his seat, digging his dark eyes into hers. Rey was stunned looking into them, not because of his usual malice, but rather by how incredibly gentle they were. He got up, wobbling slightly in his inebriation but quickly steadied himself. He walked towards the exit of the serving area but stopped halfway there. He didn’t look at her.

“Let the past die” he said silently. “Kill it, if you have to”

He walked off down the dark street, leaving Rey a shivering mess in her chair.

_What on earth did he mean by that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so now I'm back in more comfortable territory. While these parts were a pain, they gave some interesting results in the end. I hope you enjoy! As always I can be found on Twitter and Tumblr. Thanks a lot to everyone who's been reading, commenting, subscribing and giving kudos! I am extremely grateful!  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's words leave Rey with a growing curiosity towards him. Rey gets into an interesting situation with Ben's friend after a shift at the bar.

 

 

 

Rey spent days pondering Ben’s words to her, trying to decipher what he had meant by them. While it was obvious he was referring to whatever troubled past he sensed within her, what she didn’t understand was his suggested solution to her issues.

_“Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to”_

The words replayed in her mind, over and over, until her head ached from the strain. But no matter how she interpreted them, Rey always came to the same conclusion. 

There was no way he could understand her, because he didn't know her.

Rey’s past had defined her. Shaped her, into the irregular and broken form she had become as an adult. There was simply no easy way of destroying and leaving all of that behind, and by God had she tried to. But as her feelings of confusion only grew, something else also prodded at the back of her mind.

_"That is why I hate you, Rey Johnson... Because I see too much of myself in you"_

What had Benjamin Organa Solo endured to become the person speaking those words to her without even batting an eye?

As her curiosity on the matter grew, so did her desire to find out more about him. Aside from his job, where he lived and who his friends were, Rey didn't really know anything about Ben. Realizing the latter was her only option unless she went to Ben herself, she gathered her courage and determination until a few weeks later, where an opportunity finally presented itself. She knew there was no way she could ask Ben directly. She needed to go about it in a different way.

Phasma and Hux came alone to the bar one Saturday night a few hours before Rey ended her shift. Rey had decided that as a girl, her best bet might be to try and ask Phasma about Ben. But even as the night progressed, she found herself unable to do so. Every time she stopped to have a chat with the two, her courage failed her and she ended up walking away without bringing it up. While it was partly because Rey found Phasma's radiating being somewhat intimidating, she also realized the possible implications of asking about Ben.

These were Ben’s closest friends. People he depended on and had deep relationships with. Was it really in her right to dig into Ben’s personal life when they weren’t even friends? If only, it would probably make their relationship even worse than what it already was. Had Ben found out she had been prying about him behind his back, she would probably never hear the end of it.

Because of these feelings, Rey happily waved Phasma and Hux off when they left for the night. When her shift ended a while later, she said goodbye to Rose and left the bar none the wiser, but at the very least with her integrity intact. The more she thought about it, she realized the details of Ben’s life was none of her business. If she would ever get to know anything, it would have to come from the man himself. Not that _that_ would ever happen.

As Rey entered the parking lot and walked towards her car, she noticed a familiar figure sitting by the curb alone. She squinted, trying to make sure she wasn’t mistaken, but his red locks easily betrayed him. Hux sat leaned back and staring up at the dark skies, looking completely defeated. Pondering her options, Rey found her compassion win over her better sense of judgement. Hux and Phasma had left over an hour before Rey did. What was he still doing here, alone?

Cautiously, Rey took a few steps towards him, pulling her coat tighter around her to shield herself from the biting cold.

“Um, excuse me…” she started, making Hux turn his head towards her.

“Oh, hi Rey. I was hoping you'd show up” he said, as if being found sitting on the sidewalk by the parking lot of a bar late at night was the most natural thing in the world to him.

“Done with your duties for the evening?”

Rey nodded.

“Yeah. Are… are you alright?”

Hux chuckled to himself.

“Perfectly. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Rey walked closer, noticing the deep frown between his eyes. But it wasn't one of anger. He just seemed… _sad_.

Not knowing what to reply, Rey simply sat down a few paces away from him.

Silence lingered for a while, but Rey didn't dare to break it. She sensed the growing unease from Hux, and knew that he had something on his mind. So, instead of prodding him, she waited patiently for Hux to talk. Eventually, he let out a deep breath, sending the sickeningly sweet aroma of the drinks he had during the evening wafting her way.

“Rey, you’re a girl”

Rey felt her brow arch involuntarily at his anticlimatic statement.

“Good observation” she retorted, sarcasm tainting every word. It almost brought a smile to his face. 

“Having established that, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure” Rey breathed, not sure if Hux's motive was just to toy with her like he usually did. That sure was something she wasn't in the mood for now.

He turned towards her, the light of a nearby traffic light reflecting in his eyes. Only now she could see they were swimming. The sight surprised her, as Hux had never shown himself to be an emotional person as far as she could tell.

“If I came to you, asking you for a night out with just the two of us, including dinner and a visit to the bar, would you assume that I was asking you on a date?”

At first, Rey didn’t understand the question. But Hux's expression told her everything she needed to know. His eyes were dull and his normally outgoing and confident demeanor but a faint memory. The Hux sitting before her now was not at all the one she was used to seeing.

“Hey…” she started, picking her words carefully. “Did… did something happen with Phasma?”

At the mere mention of her name, Rey could easily tell that was the case. Hux’s features contorted for a moment before settling back into the same frown as before. He huffed silently, as if annoyed by her guess being so on the nose.

“Please, just answer”

“I guess I would consider that a possibility, yes”

“Well, Phas didn’t” Hux muttered, eyes dark.

The expression Hux adopted next forced Rey to look away from him. The aura of sadness around him intensified tenfold, making her unsure of what to say. Seeing him like this, disheveled and vulnerable on the sidewalk late at night, reminded Rey of the young adult drama series she had binged on during her sleepless nights. Hux was the gallant, young hero who just saw his date go off with another guy to prom, and now sat alone in the darkness to brood for the audience.

“I didn’t know you had a thing for her” Rey said quietly. While she had noticed the long looks he sometimes sent Phasma at the bar, she hadn't really offered it much thought. It wasn't like he was the first one to look at her that way.

“I invited her out so that I could tell her… _show her_ , how I feel about her. And she didn’t get it at all”

Rey was stunned. Throughout all evening, she never got that vibe from them at all.

“I don’t mean to pry, but… what happened? Did she reject you?"

Hux shook his head. His hair, normally perfectly slicked back against his scalp, was coming undone in small stray strands. They droopily whipped against his forehead with every motion of his head.

"No, didn't you hear me? She didn't get it. She didn't even understand it was supposed to be a date"

"I find that very hard to believe, you know. Didn't you establish that at any point during the night?”

Hux’s flustered features instantly smoothed over.

“No" he muttered, voice a mere croak in the back of his throat. "I guess I didn’t”

Rey sighed. So that's how it was.

“Then how did you assume she would understand that this was that kind of a trip out? This can’t be the first time you’ve gone anywhere with her without the rest of the group”

For the very first time since Rey had met him, Hux finally seemed lost for words.

“I mean, it was just her and I, and-“

Rey held up her hand, making Hux shut his mouth reluctantly.

“Women are different, Hux. While we love to overthink and analyze, sometimes we just need to hear it straight. Especially since you’ve been friends for so long”

Hux looked like his soul just had been sucked out of his body, leaving only a husk behind. He raised one of his hands and tried moving the stray locks of hair out of his forehead, but they came back down the moment he let them go.

“I wanted to, you know” he eventually said, not meeting Rey’s gaze. “I wanted to tell her. But I chickened out”

He hid his face away in his hands, letting out several heavy breaths to steady himself.

“I guess the pressure got the best of me, so I just counted on her taking the hints instead of actually coming clean. I’m just so terrified of being shut down. Phas is, you know… Phas”

Rey carefully reached out her hand and pet his back a few times, sending him a small smile.

“And you’re you. Come on, you’re a very successful and good-looking architect with your face on billboards across half of town. There’s no reason for you to feel inferior to her”

Hux let out a small sound of amusement at her words.

“Come on, you don't mean that” he said, yet couldn’t quite hide the small ray of hope that burned within his eyes.

“I do mean it" Rey assured. "You think I don’t notice all the women coming and going to your table whenever you boys are out alone, Armitage?”

Hux seemed genuinely entertained.

“Well, most of them come for Ben” he admitted quietly. “But consider your point taken. I’m flattered, really. If only I could manage to tell myself that”

Rey shrugged like it didn’t matter, but it was a relief to see Hux in a better mood than before. As silence fell between them once more, Rey too leaned back to observe the skies above. The few stars she were able to see not drowned by the city lights twinkled faintly above them.

“I’m sorry for bothering you with this” Hux eventually said, leaning forward to rest his hands on his knees. “You shouldn’t have needed to hear all this whining from me”

“No, it’s alright” Rey assured him. “If it helped even just a little bit to get it off your chest, I'm happy”

Hux sent her a bewildered look.

“You’re really something, aren’t you?” he said softly. The compliment caught Rey completely off guard, especially considering who had been the last person who told her that. 

“I’m sorry, what?” she squeaked.

Hux started shaking his head at her, a smile slowly tugging at the corner of his lips. Before Rey could open her mouth, he looked away again.

“How’s your hand?”

The tone of his voice was playful, easily betraying what he was referring to. Rey looked down at her knuckles, still bearing an faint red line from the small cut she got from the night with Ben. She mindlessly started rubbing on it with her fingers as if trying to make it go away.

“You know about that?” she asked quietly. Hux smiled, seemingly more to himself than to her.

“Ben told me. You have a serious right-hook, apparently”

Rey grimaced. Just when she had managed to stop thinking about it.

“Please, don’t remind me” she pleaded, gently rubbing the bridge of her nose with her hand in distraction.

“I’m impressed too, you know”

Hux turned his body, moving over so he could sit facing Rey.

“Don't get me wrong; I don't just mean Ben's story of how you expertly defended yourself from a pair of late night idiots. You’re... unusually kind to those around you, as I’ve now also experienced myself firsthand"

He hesitated.

"And I know my friends and I have been pulling your leg now and then because of Ben, so I guess I wasn’t expecting you to be so courteous in return. I'm sorry if you ever took it to heart”

A soft chuckle escaped his lips.

“I guess I'm trying to say that I can see why Ben is so swayed by you”

“ _Swayed_?” Rey repeated, as if she didn't know the meaning behind the word.

“Yeah. You have noticed, haven’t you? Normally, Ben is quite composed and reserved, but you blow all of that open in an instant"

He lifted his hand, pretending to flick something imaginary away with his finger.

"You tip him off balance”

Rey pondered Hux’s words for a moment. Was that how his friends saw their relationship? To her, it really seemed like a stretch. 

“Honestly, I’m not so sure” Rey started. “I think I just tick him off, really. He did say straight to my face that he doesn’t like me, you know”

To her surprise, Hux laughed.

“Right. I’m sure he did”

Rey had no choice but to offer his reply an eyeroll.

“You know I don’t like him either, right? True or not, it’s not like I care about it”

Hux seemed thoughtful for a moment.

“Ben has been alone for too long. I think he sometimes forget what it’s like to be with other people”

“He seems fine with you guys, though" Rey offered. "He always looks happy around you”

While her words seemed to make Hux happy, there was also something else behind his eyes.

“ _Different_ people, I mean. People that remind him of things he wishes he could forget”

Rey looked up at Hux. Suddenly, she realized they had unintentionally ended up circling the edges of the very same topic that she had so desired to bring up tonight. But now they were here, she found herself almost unable to form a single sentence. Especially after what Hux just had implied.

“Ben doesn’t really seem like the lonely type…” Rey muttered, unable to find anything else to say. She didn't want to pry. She promised herself.

As if noticing the conflict within her, Hux let out another quiet laugh; his eyes shimmering in his growing amusement. They calmly caught her own, bringing Rey's racing thoughts to a screeching halt.

“Well, _neither do you_ ”

Rey flinched in shock, sensing the impact of Hux's word reverberate within her very being. Why did these people... how did they see? How did they know she was...?

While Hux seemed to notice he had struck a nerve, he didn't seem interested in pursuing the matter. 

“Look, I’m not telling you to like the guy or start to get nice to him or whatever. I’m just saying you could cut him some slack now and then”

Rey kept staring at him, completely lost for words. Hux sighed loudly before getting to his feet, stretching his arms over his head before letting them fall dramatically at his sides.

“Or, you know, don’t. Honestly, it’s equally much fun seeing you two butt heads”

With that, he waved a hand before turning and walking down the street. After a few steps he stopped, turning slightly to look back towards Rey.

“I'll keep what you said in mind. See you"

Rey mindlessly waved her hand in reply, staring after him as he disappeared down the nearly deserted street. While she hadn't managed to do what she originally had planned out for the evening, something else entirely had come out of it. While helping Ben's best friend out with his love-related issues was far from one of the things she had expected, she had managed to learn something new about Ben's situation. And the more she thought about it, the more she feared Ben's words might have some truth to them after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord almighty, here we are again! I cannot say how sorry I am for having delayed the next update for so long, but luckily, I have a very happy reason for it. I got promoted at work! Yay! The past weeks have been hell as I've tried to adjust and learn everything I need to know to do a good job in the area of computed tomography. Needless to say, it's left me quite worn and exhausted. But now, I've finally managed to find the energy to write again! Consider this a wee hiatus, but now I should be back on track. I have several chapters pretty much ready to go, so I hope you'll enjoy it.  
> Thanks again to everyone who's been following and reading this fic so far. Your lovely comments and kudos have been a massive support to me in this stressful but awesome period of my life.  
> Thank you <3  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's dreams as well as day at work, takes an unexpected turn.

That night Rey had a dream.  

She opened her eyes to see she was in what appeared to be a dark void, surrounded by nothing but darkness for as far as she could see. The silence was almost painful in her ears, only broken by her own steady and raspy breath. In other circumstances, she might have been afraid of the darkness swirling about her, thick like fog, but she was far too familiar with it by now to let it sway her.

She had experienced this dream many times throughout her life. And it always played out the same way.

Just like always, Rey could sense that there was something there with her. Something she had been searching for a very long time, but was never able to quite grasp. A sound made her turn around, suddenly coming face to face with what looked like a massive mirror. The surface was frosted over but remained just reflective enough for her to make out her own silhouette staring back at her. Her shape contorted, splitting into two figures that seemed to be observing her from the other side. Rey took an uneasy step forward, feeling the sense of familiarity they brought. They were there, just a few paces away, and she wanted nothing more than to reach out to them.

 _“Let me see them”_ she pleaded silently to whatever force kept bringing her back to this place, her voice but a barely audible whisper. The figures stood motionless in front of her, and she reached her hand uneasily towards them.

 _“Please”_ she begged, growing desperate as she took a few steps forward. To her surprise, the silhouettes contorted again, this time merging back together to form a single figure. It reached out its hand, mirroring her motions as it walked towards her. Rey stopped as her heartbeat quickened, making the reflection do the same.

This was not how this scenario usually played out.

She never got beyond the figures in the mirror. The shadows of her parents always just remained motionless as they observed her, leaving her pleading for them until she finally woke back up.

Again, she raised her hand, only for her reflection to do the same. Puzzled, she tried snapping her fingers, sending a shrill echo into the nothingness around her. Again, the reflection mirrored her actions perfectly. Rey let her hand fall to her side, suddenly breathless.

_What was this? Was it…herself?_

But Rey already knew that couldn’t be the case. Despite blurry and contorted, she could easily tell that the proportions were off. This was not a reflection of her. This was… something else.

The figure suddenly moved on its own, lifting its hand tentatively into the air towards her. Intrigued, Rey slowly but deliberately reached out her hand to meet it, expecting to feel the harsh coldness of the mirror's surface towards her fingertips. Instead, she was met with the feeling of warm, rough fingers pressing towards her own.

The moment they touched, it felt like an electric current had just flown through her. Every neuron in her body seemed to fire off simultaneously, sending all of Rey’s senses into overdrive. She looked up in shock as the frosty surface seemed to melt away, slowly revealing the person on the other side.

Ben stared back at her, expression calm and collected. Rey felt her lips part as she stared into his eyes; so deep and dark that they threatened to swallow her whole.

_Why was he…?_

She looked down at their still locked hands, trying to figure out what it all meant.

 _They were the same,_ he had told her.

Mirror images.

_Was he…right, somehow?_

Rey’s eyes caught his once more, wanting to make sense of his presence here. She wanted to ask him but found that she had no voice that could utter the words. Ben blinked slowly, eyes shimmering like a vast sea after a storm. His mouth pulled into a small smirk, eyes narrowing as he stared at her.

“That’s why I hate you…” he murmured, his voice muffled, like he was speaking from a different room.

_“Rey”_

* * *

 

“Rey?”

Rey snapped out of her thoughts, almost knocking the salt and pepper shaker off the table with her washcloth. Finn stood beside her, grinning slightly.

“What’s with you? You’ve been wiping that table close to five minutes straight”

Rey looked away, trying to hide her blushing cheeks quite unsuccessfully. While she initially had been trying to decipher what Ben’s presence in her dreams had meant, she had eventually written it off as an effect of the events of the past weeks. Trying to make sense of Ben's words to her had messed with her head. Nevertheless, she had to admit it had her somewhat rattled.

“I was just lost in thought, is all”

Finn winked playfully at her.

“Right. _Lost in thought_ ”

Rey playfully swatted at him with her washcloth, making Finn laugh heartily as he dodged it. She observed him as he started to whistle while he cleared the table next to her, putting plates and dishes onto a large tray. Rey couldn’t help but smile. Finn had been in a good mood the past few days and not without reason.

“You seem happy today” she mused. “Had fun yesterday?”

Finn looked at her, eyes beaming.

“Oh, it was great. Poe and I went for a walk with BeeBee and then saw a movie at his house. Last time we talked about ordering takeout from that new place down street from "Kanata’s". You know, the Thai place? Well, we did and God, it was delicious”

Rey raised an eyebrow inquisitively at him.

“And?”

Finn cocked his head to one side.

“And nothing. What were you expecting me to say?”

Rey scratched her temple lightly, chuckling to herself.

“I’m not even sure to be fair. I guess I was just curious”

“Look” Finn started, expression suddenly serious.

“It’s not that I don’t like the guy, but you know… stuff, and that is considering stuff is even on the table, takes time. Honestly, I think we could be great friends so regardless of anything else…”

Finn swallowed before continuing.

“That’s my main focus for now, alright? I don’t even know his _situation_ yet, so…”

Rey waved a hand dismissively.

“No worries, you don’t have to explain. I was out of line for assuming anything”

Her gaze darted back to Finn’s.

“But if it would happen, nothing would make me happier”

Finn smiled, reaching out a hand to ruffle her hair.

“What happens, happens, Peanut. We’ll see”

“Rey?”

Rey looked up to see Connix, her co-worker, walk up to them.

“Do you have a moment? Larma would like to see you in her office”

“Sure. What for?”

Connix shook her head.

“Not sure, she didn’t say"

Her gaze turned into a frown as she crossed her arms over her chest, eyes playful.

"You’re not in trouble again, are you?”

Rey chuckled. After Ben stopped keeping her up at night, Rey had found that her energy returned alongside it. Now she did well at both of her jobs, and it sure showed. Her little savings account had grown substantially, much of it from the amount of tip she was earning alone. Finn pat her back lightly with one hand as he whisked past towards the kitchen.

“Good luck!”

* * *

 

When Rey arrived, the door to Larma’s office was open. Larma looked up, smiling gently before ushering her in with a wave of her hand. Rey obliged and sat down in the chair in front of Larma’s desk, folding her hands in her lap.

“You wanted to see me?”

Larma nodded slightly, taking off her spectacles and putting them next to her on her desk.

“Yes, thank you for coming. You seem to be doing better these days”

Rey smiled.

“I am, thank you. All I needed was to regain my sleep and I’ve been back at the level where I should have been”

“Clearly” Larma said, eyes narrowing. “You’ve done an excellent job the past weeks”

She hesitated.

“Which makes what I’m about to say even harder for me…”

Her voice hung in the air, yet Larma didn’t continue. Rey looked up, sensing the shift in the mood around them. Larma’s gaze was sorrowful and her smile had wasted away, despite her words of praise. Rey swallowed hard, feeling her heartbeat quicken.

“What…are you saying?”

Larma sighed.

“Rey, the diner isn’t doing too well financially… I’ve gone over the numbers and it’s obvious that to keep afloat, we need to… make some _cuts_ ”

Rey’s brain short-circuited, reducing the sound of Larma speaking into a barely audible hum in the background.

_No._

Not after she just managed to pull herself together. Not after she was finally on a level where she actually did well. Not when she finally earned enough to start working towards her dreams... Her gut felt like it was making an unsolvable tangle of themselves as she barely managed to register bits and pieces of what her boss was saying. Not that it would have mattered anyway. Rey already knew what was coming, and if anything, she wished she didn't need to hear it.

“Rey?”

Rey flinched in her seat, forcing her eyes to meet with Larma’s. They were glossed over.

“I’m sorry…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for my little hiatus, I decided on doing the same as last time; two chapters in one day! Yay!   
> Anyway, I won't spend too long droning on here, but I do want to say thanks again to all of my readers who support me by reading this fic. I love every single one of you!  
> If you wanna say hi, please find me on my Tumblr or Twitter under the same username as here!   
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Rey loses her job, she's sure there is absolutely no way life could get any worse. But she's wrong.

The red light ahead forced Rey to slow her car to a halt, giving her a moment to check herself in the mirror once more. She had no idea why she bothered, as she looked exactly like she had done when she left her apartment five minutes ago. Her eyes were still a bit red from the lack of sleep, yet she had managed to cover up the dark circles under her eyes quite nicely. She sighed loudly to herself before forcing her eyes away from the mirror and onto the lights ahead, tapping away impatiently with her fingers on the wheel as she waited for it to turn green.

After Rey was made redundant and lost her job at the diner, the scramble had started to find more work to fill the void. Her days were filled with polishing her applications and endlessly searching for available positions online. So far, her luck had been rotten, and it had become such a strain that she barely got any sleep at all. Rey forcefully slammed her hand into her wheel in irritation.

_Damned it all to hell._

A familiar shadow passed by her car, capturing her attention. She frowned slightly at the sight of Ben, walking with his black bag thrown over his shoulder and his nose in his phone. He looked up for a moment, peering both ways before crossing the road, fiddling with a pair of earbuds that had made a mess of themselves inside his pocket. Rey kept staring at him until he faded out of view behind the car in front of her.

It had been a while since she last saw him. He seemed about as awake and alert as she was, but then again, she had never really seen him look particularly well rested either. Whenever Rey saw him he seemed to be balancing on the line between holding on and barely getting by. Not that she had the capacity to offer him much thought, as she was far too preoccupied with her own situation these days.

A honk from behind her brought Rey out of her trance and she looked back at the road, now laying open before her. She hadn’t noticed the light turn green at all, and the car in front of her was long gone. She quickly shifted into drive, waving her hand apologetically at the car behind her, before taking off into the intersection.

Everything after that became but a blur in retrospect.

Rey looked to her left as she turned into the intersection, suddenly seeing a car headed straight for her at an alarming pace. The driver looked up from a phone held in his hand, realizing he was about to hit her and slammed on his brakes. It was too little too late. Acting on instinct, Rey turned her wheel as fast as she could, making her car swerve violently towards the curb to try and avoid an impact. Far too late she realized the implications of this action, as when she looked up she saw a pair of brown eyes stare at her in horror; unmistakably those of Ben Solo.

She was headed straight up the sidewalk, and he was right in front of her.

Rey pressed her foot down on her breaks as hard as she could, but there was no way she would be able to stop in time. The moment the felt the impact of the other car crashing into her driver side door, Ben was toppled forward by the hood of her car and slammed into her windshield head first. All she could see was a mass of black hair hitting the windshield before the impact sent him flying forward and out of sight.

For a moment Rey just sat there, dazed and confused after what had happened. She looked to her side and saw her door was crushed and the window shattered, yet aside from a few cuts from the glass and some pain in her neck, she didn’t really feel injured. But…what about…?

Looking up, Rey felt all blood leave her face. From what she could see behind the deployed airbag, the windshield was dripping with blood. Every cell in her body went into overdrive. She desperately tugged at her door to get out. Realizing it was completely stuck, she managed to unhook her seatbelt and tried to move to the passenger side to get out. But she couldn’t move. Her left leg was stuck by the pedals, kept in place by the warped metal of her car. She violently tugged at it, sending sharp stings of pain up her leg and hip. But she didn’t care. She pulled harder and managed to free herself, losing her shoe in the process. Scrambling over to the passenger side, Rey violently threw open the door and dove onto the road. She tried getting up, but her legs wouldn’t let her, so instead she crawled on all fours around to the front of her car.

Her heart stopped.

Ben lay on the edge of the sidewalk, completely motionless. A few onlookers had come over to check on him and only stared wildly at her as she dragged herself over to his side. Ben lay on his stomach, seemingly unconscious. His bag was still clinging to his back, yet his phone and the contents of his pockets were strewn all over the sidewalk. A pool of blood was forming around Ben’s head and face, yet it was almost impossible to see where it was coming from. All Rey could see was a gash over his right eye.

“Oh my god, Ben…” Rey muttered, realizing tears were falling uncontrollably down her face.

She didn’t like him.

She didn’t get along with him.

But there was no way in hell that she wanted him like this.

“I’m so sorry Ben… I…”

One of the bystanders; a middle-aged woman, looked her up and down. In the background, Rey could faintly make out arguing between two men coming from the car that hit her but had no ability to register the words being said.

The woman looked over at them for a moment before putting her hand on Rey’s shoulder.

“You know him?”

Rey nodded.

“He’s my neighbor” Her voice was but a whisper in the back of her throat.

The woman smiled slightly.

“Ben, was it? And your name?”

Rey nodded again.

“Yes, Ben Solo. I’m Rey Johnson” Tears still poured from her eyes, clouding her view. She desperately blinked to chase them away, but it was of little use.

“Rey” the woman began, squeezing her shoulder lightly. “I know you must be shook up right now, but you’re injured yourself. You shouldn’t be hovering over Ben right now. I need you to lay down and keep still until the paramedics arrive”

Rey looked up at her defiantly.

“But-“ she protested, not really sure what she would say to argue. The woman held up her hand.

“My name is Beth, Rey. I’m a registered nurse. I’ll take care of your friend, but I need you to take care of yourself. You’re not helping him if you injure yourself any further by straining yourself for his sake, okay?”

Rey simply stared in awe at her, wondering what on earth she was supposed to do in this situation. Adrenaline still rushed through her veins, yet she was able to sense a dull and throbbing pain threatening to take its place. When she looked down, she noticed her pants were torn and blood was running out from a large gash on her leg from when it was stuck in her car. The sight made her head spin and stomach churn. Beth looked up at one of the men standing next to her, who apparently was on the phone for an ambulance. She nodded her head towards Rey, before removing her  jacket and handing it to him.

“Please, help Rey lay down as comfortably as she can and press this towards her wound. And hand me the phone for a few seconds, will you?”

Her voice was clear and strong, bearing the signs of years of experience with this exact sort of situation. Despite the horrible circumstances, it somehow soothed Rey to listen to it. She looked over at Ben as Beth took over the phone with one hand, while holding one hand on Ben’s neck as she spoke.

_Please, don’t let him be dead._

“Yes, hello. This is nurse Beth Mullen. Right, we have multiple trauma. Three victims. The male driver seems relatively unscathed but the female has a laceration to her leg. The male pedestrian has sustained multiple traumas, yet the most noticeable is a large gash to his face. He’s unconscious, has a pulse and is breathing on his own, but he’s bleeding a lot”

She paused for a moment as she attempted to press her scarf towards Ben’s face without moving him.

“No, I can’t. I don’t want to move him in case there is a spinal injury. I’m doing what I can with what I have…”

She droned on citing different values for pulse and respiratory frequency that Rey didn’t understand. She felt lightheaded and almost sleepy in a sense, but there was no way she was closing her eyes. She kept them glued on the nurse's hand on Ben’s back. Seeing it rise and lower slightly was the only indication and proof she had that he was indeed alive. Proof that she hadn’t killed him.

_Yet._

More tears kept falling as she squinted to see through them, feeling her heart ache in sorrow and misery. Why did this happen to her? And why did it have to be Ben she hit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! I know, I know, it's insane, right? If cliffhanger-Saturday wasn't a thing before, it is now. (I swear I didn't plan this, it just happened, lol!)  
> Anyway, I know I've teased this plot point in the description, but here we are! When I first started to write this fic, I had no idea it would turn out this long, so it took a lot longer to get to this point than what I had imagined. Rey really has the worst of luck, doesn't she.  
> Thank you so much to everyone who takes time to read, comment or leave kudos. I am truly humbled!  
> Feel free to come say hi on Twitter or Tumblr!  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's fate after the accident is revealed and Rey struggles with her immense sense of guilt

 

Rey had many defining moments in her life.

Moments filled with such immense surge of emotions that her very being felt shattered and thrown to the mercy of the winds.

But never in her life had she known more relief than what she did when she was told that Ben Solo was alive.

 

Hux came to her room shortly after Rose and Finn had left for the day. Rey’s heart fell into a pit in her stomach the moment she laid eyes on him, beating away at a mile a minute in sheer panic.

“Hux, I… I’m so sorry. Ben is-”

Hux held up his hand, cutting her off.

“Fine”

Rey squinted, making a tear drip down on the white fabric of her hospital gown.

“W…what?”

“Ben is fine” he repeated, sending her a weak smile. He walked over and pulled one of the nearby chairs with him so he could sit down at her bedside.

“He’s been through a lot of check-ups and examinations, but every doctor says the same; he's been extremely lucky. Aside from a concussion, all of his injuries are minor. Well... most of them, anyway"

Hux raised his hand, drawing circles in the air around his head with his finger.

"The wounds to his face looked quite gnarly, but from what I'm told they’ve patched him up rather nicely. He’ll make a full recovery”

Rey breathed out loudly in sheer, all-consuming relief. A sob followed along without her permission.

“Oh God… Thank God…” she chanted repeatedly, hiding her face away in her hands. Hux didn’t say anything, just let her have a moment to gather herself.

“He’s been asking for you, you know” he continued after Rey seemed to have calmed down a bit.

Rey's head snapped up to look in his direction, not at all prepared for that sort of remark.

“Me?”

“He knows you drove the car. He remembers”

Rey felt her face contort into a grimace. Hux frowned in response.

“Please don’t look at me like that, Rey. Nobody blames you for this”

_But Rey did blame herself._

Had she not been so exhausted after everything that happened with her job, maybe she wouldn’t have spaced out like that while behind the wheel of her car. Maybe she would have been able to react faster when she saw the other driver come towards her. Maybe she could have stopped before she hit him…

“Rey” Hux said softly, pulling her out of her endless thoughts.

“I understand that this is a very emotional time for you. But regardless of what you think, I want you to know what _we_ think. Me, Phas, Mitaka, Lusica… All of us. We don’t blame you. Even if you can’t really process that right now, I still want you to know”

Rey didn’t know what to say in response. All she could do was nod in gratitude.

“Ben must be livid, though…” she breathed, trying to fight her emotions. “And here I thought I couldn’t make him hate me more”

“Well…” Hux began, sitting back in his chair. “Since we're on the subject..."

Rey kept staring at him expectantly, wondering what on earth could come next.

“While it is a big part of it, I’m not just here to update you on Ben. I’m also a man on a mission, so to speak”

He scratched his chin slightly with his fingers.

“Ben sent me to check on you”

This caught her attention. Rey felt her mouth fall open in surprise, blinking quickly to attempt to clear her vision through her tears.

“He… what?”

Hux smiled warmly at her, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees.

“The first thing he asked was if you were alright”

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Rey was given the all-clear and was ready to leave the hospital. Her injuries had turned out to be minor, and after having her leg sewed up she was considered almost as good as new. But in spite of being able to leave, Rey instead found herself standing outside Ben’s room. She had been contemplating for quite some time if she should go see him, yet she hadn’t been able to make a decision. However, as she was gathering her things and getting ready to leave, she had realized that she owed him an apology. But when she stood with her hand hovering in the air and about to knock on his door, Rey felt all courage leave her.

Where did she even start? What should she say to him? No matter how she twisted and turned it, _"sorry"_ didn't seem to even begin covering it.

Rey didn’t get a chance to lose her nerve completely however, as a nurse suddenly came out of the room, leaving her standing in the open doorway.

“Oh, hi” the nurse said brightly as she looked up at Rey. “Here to see Mr. Solo?”

With the door now open, the room in its entirety was laid out in front of Rey. Ben sat upright in a bed by the far end of the room, just next to a large window. His head turned in her direction, making Rey swallow hard. Their eyes met for a moment, and Rey had trouble reading his expression as he stared her down. She grimaced as she saw the state he was in, darting her eyes away in shame. But she realized there was simply no backing down now after he had seen her. With a nod she walked into his room and the nurse shut the door behind her, leaving the two of them alone. Rey simply lingered in the middle of the room, not really knowing what to say. But to her surprise, Ben spoke first.

“Why are you here?”

His tone was flat, yet bore no trace of the aggression she was expecting. She swallowed before gathering her courage and looked back up at him. His face was bruised and covered in gauze, trailing from above his right eye and all the way down his face. A few stitches poked out from the bandage by his eye, and she could only guess how far they trailed on. The guilt flared up in the pit of her stomach, making her feel nauseous.

“I wanted to apologize” she said quietly. Ben held his gaze fixed on her, impassive.

“Why?” he said simply, throwing Rey completely off balance. She took a few steps towards his bed, not understanding why he wasn’t furious. Why he wasn’t telling her to get the fuck out of his sight. Why he didn’t look at her like she was his least favorite thing in the world, just like he’d always done. Even in spite of Hux’s attempts at assuring her Ben didn’t blame her, seeing him so expressionless still made no sense to her.

“Wh-why?” she repeated the words back at him. “Ben…I put you here. I did this to you. Why on earth would I not apologize?”

Ben looked away from her, leaning his head back towards the pillows behind him. He seemed so… tame. The dark, brooding gaze had lost its sting. His numerous sharp edged seemed dulled. Considering his state, Rey wasn’t really that surprised that he wasn’t snapping at her like he had used to, but it put her in unfamiliar ground. The other Ben she had learned to sidestep. Dealing with this Ben was completely different.

“Could you get me the glass on my nightstand?” he asked silently, not opening his eyes. Rey eventually managed to get her body to work, and walked over to do as he asked. After he had drank his fill, she returned the glass to his nightstand. Ben didn’t say anything more for a little while, making Rey unsure what she should do. Realizing he wasn’t going to kick her out just yet, she slowly let herself slide into the chair by his bedside, as if sitting unnoticed was the only way she’d be allowed to stay. As she watched him, she realized just how badly her actions had affected him. She had nearly killed him, and on top of that it seemed that the wound on his face would leave quite the mark once it had healed. Guilt still burned, red and hot and angry within her, yet she had no idea what to say.

“I already heard the story” Ben said, as if he could read her mind. “I know why you hit me”

Rey frowned painfully.

“That still doesn’t make it okay”

Somehow, this made the corner of his mouth twitch.

“Fair enough”

He opened his eyes and locked them with hers. They were dark, yet lacked the hostility so commonplace to her by now.

“But, it doesn’t make it your fault either”

Rey kept staring at him as his eyes shimmered invitingly in the dim light of the room. She shook her head in disbelief, not at all able to believe this could be real.

“How… why are you so… I don’t understand”

“And why are you unable to let it go at that?”

Rey scoffed loudly, dragging a hand through her unruly hair in discomfort.

“This is not something-… I mean, it’s hard to just let go of it when you have all the right to be mad at me… you should be-“

“Did you come here because you hoped I would be flaring? Scolding you up and down for mowing me down with your car? Is that it?” Ben interrupted, gaze suddenly sharp.

Rey felt her body physically flinch back in her seat, making the legs of the chair screech loudly against the floor at the shift of her weight.

“No… I mean, I’m just… I can’t…”

Ben shook his head.

“Why do you insist on me hating you for this?”

“Because I hate _myself_ for it!” Rey blurted out, fists clenching as tears started to form in her eyes. Ben’s eyes flashed knowingly for a moment, making Rey realize the implications of what she had just said.

_His words, that night outside the bar…_

Hearing her own words escape her mouth, she realized he was right.

About her.

About him.

About everything.

Deep down, she _had_ hoped Ben would antagonize her. Coming here and having Ben take his anger out on her would make it easier for her to continue with her own sense of self-loathing. It would mean doing what she had always done best; accepting her self-proclaimed state as a troubled and inferior being, instead of attempting to pick herself up and work towards something different. Seeing Ben pull all of that to the surface and attacking it dead on with such ease, was difficult, but at the very same time it was one of the most profound moments of her life. 

Life did indeed screw her up in the beginning. But what she had been going through for the past years...

_She had been doing that to herself._

Rey looked up, barely daring to meet Ben’s gaze. His eyes flickered faintly, telling her everything she needed to know at this moment.

_He truly understood._

Ben’s chest raised and lowered noticeably below his covers, as if he was taking a deep breath to steel himself.

“Rey..." he said, voice a low bass. "I’m sorry"

Rey simply shook her head.

"No need. I'm sorry too" she croaked, yet the only sound to leave her lips were a barely audible whisper. 

"I know this situation is all kinds of fucked up, but will you please hear me out?” Ben asked.

Still not able to find her voice, Rey nodded curtly at him in response.

“Make no mistake, I’m not happy about this either” he said, straightening up slightly in his seat. “You and I might have our differences, squabbles and whatnot…”

He sighed, as if having trouble choosing his words.

“I am a lot of things, but I’m not unfair. I’m not looking to prey on you because you happened to be the person behind the wheel of that car”

Rey squinted, desperately trying to hold herself together. As if sensing her crumbling defiance, Ben simply smiled.

“You didn’t hit me on purpose, and nobody died. Considering the circumstances, that’s the only thing that matters to me. I haven’t given you many reasons to trust me before, but please, believe me on this one”

Rey felt tears fall down her cheeks and she choked down a sob, albeit somewhat unsuccessfully. She tipped her head forward, trying to hide it from him as she desperately fought to compose herself. Ben didn’t say anything, just let her empty her pent-up emotions and guilt for as long as she needed. When she finally managed to get a hold of herself, the surprise at the scene still hadn’t left her. The fact that Ben was able to show kindness on this level, even to her, still completely stunned her. While she didn’t feel like she deserved it, it never the less made her happy. 

 

* * *

 

“How do you feel?” Rey eventually managed, having wiped her face and nose with a napkin.

“I’ll live” Ben said curtly, carefully raising a hand to the swollen and bruised area under his eye. He winced slightly as his fingers lightly brushed against the bandages. “A bit sore though”

Rey smiled sadly at him.

“I’m not surprised. Can you remember the accident?”

He looked thoughtful for a moment.

“I recall snippets here and there. I remember looking at my phone, then looking up and seeing your face behind the wheel of your car. After that, it’s all a blur”

Rey nodded before clenching her fingers over the bridge of her nose. She had hardly slept the past days and it was starting to get to her.

“Enough about me for a moment” Ben started, shifting his body to sit more upright against the pillows behind him. 

“How is your leg?”

Rey blinked a few times, having completely forgotten about her own injuries for a moment.

“Oh, yeah…. Well, it’s still attached, so there’s that” she said silently. Ben smiled in amusement. 

“Always a good sign”

“But, considering you sent Hux to check on me, I guess you already knew that?” Rey asked bluntly as she felt a sense of normalcy return to her. Her comment made Ben blink a few times in discomfort. He gently scratched at the back of his head with his hand.

“And here I thought I told him to be casual about it…” he muttered. Rey giggled to herself, making Ben look her way. His gaze lingered for a moment before he looked away, seemingly intrigued.

“Knowing you were involved, you’d think I wouldn’t ask how you were?”

Rey had so many words attempting to spill out of her mouth at once that she had to bite all of them back and start again.

“You… were worried about me?”

Ben seemed surprised by the question. His lips pursed before he swallowed, the sound almost painfully loud in the quiet of the sparsely decorated room.

“Well, of course I was” he muttered.

Rey smiled. _Was he... embarrassed?_

“So was I. Seeing your head smash into my windshield is one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever experienced. I thought for sure I had killed you”

His eyes shimmered dangerously.

“No such luck, I’m afraid. At least that would have been the end of your annoyance over my late-night workout sessions and general ignorance”

Rey frowned.

“Please, don’t joke about that. While I have wanted to rip your head out multiple times the past months, there is no way I would want to see you hurt for real. I hope you realize that”

“Noted” he said simply, yet his eyes were slightly playful. Rey still didn’t understand. Why was it that he was in seemingly such a good mood? Was he on some sort of heavy pain relief? Never the less, she decided to indulge in this unfamiliar setting for a while longer.

This Ben, she… _liked_.

The door suddenly opened, making both of them turn their heads. A nurse walked in, carrying a phone with her.

“Mr. Solo. There’s a phone call for you. It’s your mother”

Rey looked over at Ben, who had stiffened in his seat. His gaze fell, growing dark.

“Leave it. I don’t want to talk to her”

The nurse seemed slightly taken aback.

“But, Mr. Solo…”

“I said leave it!” he growled. The nurse nodded her head once in submission before retreating, closing the door swiftly behind her. Rey kept staring at Ben, who seemed somewhat shaken. She had heard whispers about Ben’s relationship with his family not being the best, but she had never actually seen proof of it before this moment. While she did have a desire to ask him about it, she quickly realized that now was not the best time. Ben seemed genuinely bothered, his eyes blank and his hands trembled as he tried to collect them in his lap. Seeing him in this state, Rey felt an unfamiliar urge present itself. She wanted to do something. _Anything._

“Do you know how long you’ll have to stay here?” she asked, snapping Ben out of his stupor. He almost seemed like he had forgotten she was there.

“I don’t know, but hopefully not much longer” he said silently. Rey shifted uncomfortably in her seat, not really sure how to put her words together.

“You know, it might be weird of me to ask, but… since we are neighbors and all…”

She gathered her courage and looked him straight in the eye.

“If you need some help, I’d be happy to. You know, buy some things if you need them, help you get settled or whatever… Carry your stuff…”

Rey trailed off, realizing she was babbling. Ben looked like she had just proclaimed that the world was about to end, yet she wasn't sure if it was a look of horror or simply sheer surprise. She held up her hand nervously, in case she had to defend herself from the former.

“I mean, it’s not like you have to say yes. I just thought that maybe… I mean your actual friends might be a better fit if you needed someone…”

Ben’s eyes softened, making Rey's heart stop for a second in her chest.

“You don’t have to go that far, you know. I don’t need your pity, nor you to be aiding me just because of your guilt”

Rey swallowed. While it was indeed her guilt who had brought her here, she found it was not what made her stay nor offer her help now. During the time spent with him, she had seen but a small glimmer of something different in him. While she didn’t know what it meant yet, she found herself unable to just walk out of here now without offering.

“I don’t need a reason to help people” she said, smiling faintly at him. Ben stared at her as she rose from her seat, rummaging through her purse to find a small, well-used pen and notepad used for doodling and sketching on the go. She quickly scribbled down her number on a page before tearing it out and putting it on his nightstand.

“There you go, I’ll make this easy for you. If you ever need anything, just text me, alright? And if not, well… just pretend it dropped from my pocket or something”

She gave him a small smile before walking over to the door. She hovered slightly in the doorway with her hand on the handle.

“Oh, and… thank you, Ben” she said softly, before swinging the door open, walking out and closing it softly behind her as she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: The line "I don't need a reason to help people" is directly inspired by my favorite game of all time, Final Fantasy 9. (I was 8 when I started playing and I'm 27 now, so... yeah, I'm old)
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhangers last time guys, hopefully this chapter brings a bit more of the good kinds of feels back into it! :) I have no idea how many times I reworked parts of this chapter. It was essential that it was done just right, so it took a lot of time to get to where I found it even acceptable. But, here we are! As always, thanks for your patience and I hope you'll enjoy this one. I can't thank you enough for sticking with me through my shameless fan-project, your comments and kudos makes my day. The Reylo-fandom is golden <3  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Rey is discharged from the hospital, Finn hosts a get-together at his apartment to help cheer her up

 

“Don’t look so surprised” Finn chided as Rey eyeballed the vast amounts of shopping bags lined up on his kitchen counter.

“I thought you said you invited a FEW people over… This looks like it could feed a small army” she muttered, making Finn smile.

“And I did. I promise, it's only a few more”

Rey kept staring at him, not at all reassured by that. Finn was known for his hospitality, and she had experienced just how different their idea of "a few people over" could be many times before. Finn's smile vanished as he let out a sigh, before walking over to her and put both of his hands on her shoulders. His playful look softened as he pulled her into a hug.

“Come on, Peanut. You’ve been through a lot lately. I just want to see you smile and have some fun again, like we used to before everything went to shit. I promise, it’ll be a great evening, okay?”

While Rey didn’t blame him and was grateful for his affections, she still didn’t really feel like having a massive party was the best of ideas for her at this time. It had only been a few days since she was discharged from the hospital, and she hadn’t really picked herself up from it all yet. But looking at Finn's genuine expression, she found her reservations melt into the back of her mind. Hiding away in solitude was how the old Rey would have handled things, and ever since her conversation with Ben, a new resolve had awoken within her.

Finn was right. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she just kept an open mind.

While Finn, Poe and Rose started working in the kitchen, Rey was assigned to Finn’s best lounging chair with a glass of wine, not being allowed to help them out. She had to admit it was fun watching them as they scurried about the kitchen, chopping vegetables, preparing meat and arguing over which pot and pan were most suited for the jobs in question. As Rose came to her side for some chatting while she waited for the water to boil, Rey noticed a clear shift in the mood between Finn and Poe the moment they were on their own.

It was subtle.

A look here.

A touch on the arm there. 

Rose trailed her gaze before chuckling slightly. She reached her arms around Rey's shoulders, resting her chin on the top of her head as she lounged on the arm rest of the chair.

“Any day now” she said quietly so only Rey would hear. Rey smiled to herself.

“If that’s the case, I’m happy for them”

Rose grinned as they watched Finn drop a peeled potato on the floor, only for Poe to laugh heartily and mock him for his clumsiness.

“They’ve been like this for a while. I don’t think there’s been a single day they haven’t been hanging out these past weeks”

Rey let out a deep breath as she sipped her wine, continuing to observe Finn and Poe flirting as if they had forgotten anyone else were there. While she was indeed happy for them, looking at them also made her somewhat jealous. While Rey didn’t really know what it was like to have a proper boyfriend, having what the two of them did seem…nice. Someone to come home to and share evenings with. Talk to. Cook and share a meal with. No matter how mundane the task, doing it with someone you loved seemed to make everything a little special.

Just as Rey returned the glass to the table beside her, the downstairs doorbell rang.

“Oh, great, they’re here” Rey heard Poe say from the kitchen.

“Rose, will you get that for me? My hands are full” Finn called, making Poe chuckle slightly. Rose rolled her eyes.

“Full of what, exactly?” she muttered to herself, before detangling herself from Rey and walking over towards the door.

Puzzled, Rey watched as Rose unhooked the hallway phone from its stand, eagerly chatting with the person at the other end. Who else could he possibly have invited?

Moments later, a few knocks were heard on the door before the guests let themselves in. Rey got up instinctively, bumping into the table next to her and almost spilling her wine all over her skirt in the process.

Hux, Mitaka and Phasma poured into the apartment, clothes covered in melting flakes of snow. Finn came into the hallway to greet them, wiping his hands dry with a hand-towel.

“Glad you guys could make it! Welcome to my humble abode!”

Mitaka looked around, seemingly impressed by Finn’s very modern and well-kept studio apartment. He knocked his elbow into Hux’s side.

“Humble, he says”

All three of them took off their jackets and coats, hanging them by the entrance before entering the living room. They lit up as they laid eyes on Rey, who were so surprised by their appearance that she didn’t have the intelligence to even offer them a greeting.

“Welcome back, Rey” Hux mused before walking over and giving her a hug. To her surprise, both Mitaka and Phasma followed his gesture.

“You guys…” Rey breathed. Mitaka sent her smirk, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What, not expecting to see us?”

Rey shook her head, mind completely blank.

“I don’t really know who I was expecting” she said, laughing hoarsely.

Hux ruffled her hair lightly.

“We know you’ve had a rough time recently Rey, so we wanted to come and help give you a fun night”

Rey looked from him, to Mitaka, to Phasma. They all bore the same expression as they smiled at her.

“You guys really didn’t have to…” Rey breathed, stunned by their concern.

_They were there... for her?_

Mitaka came over to her side and put his arm around her shoulder.

“We know. But friends support each other, don’t they?”

Rey kept staring at him, shell-shocked. The word resonated deep within her, echoing again and again in her ears.

_Friends…_

Soon after, she felt her eyes gloss over as waves of emotions crashed over her. While they always had a friendly relationship whenever Rey met them at the bar, she had never had the audacity to assume any member of Ben’s group would consider her a friend. Beyond touched, Rey felt a warm and fuzzy sensation fill her from her head and all the way down to her toes. If it was the effects of the wine or this act of kindness from them, she didn’t know. But it didn’t matter.

Rey smiled at them, reaching out to wipe away the tears from her eyes.

“Thank you…” 

* * *

 

While her mind had initially found the scenario quite absurd to begin with, having her and Ben’s group mingling and sharing a homecooked meal didn’t turn out to be as awkward as she had thought. The conversation flowed easily between the clinking of cutlery and Phasma had just opened the second bottle of wine for the night. For the first time in a very long time, Rey felt connected to the world around her. These people had gathered here out of the kindness of their hearts and their concern for someone else, and words couldn’t even begin to describe how grateful she was.

“…so then, considering it is his birthday after all, Hux decides to just put everything on the plate in an attempt to make the cat happy. Really takes his time making it look nice. A slice of the fish here, some canned tuna there. And then he just POURS the can of wet-food all over it like fucking gravy. Presents it to the cat like he’s some goddamned contestant on Masterchef or something. And General just looks at it AND WALKS AWAY! He flatly refused it!”

The whole group burst out into laughter as Mitaka finished telling his story. Hux took a long sip of his wine, looking somewhat embarrassed.

“What can I say? My cat is an ungrateful fuck”

“Your cat is a fuck, period” Phasma added, sending a small wink at him. Mitaka nodded eagerly in agreement as he helped himself to another slice of roasted beef.

“He’s a little ginger sadist, I tell you. My advice; count your fingers and toes after visiting Hux’s place. Last time I was there he used my drunk-ass face like a fucking scratching post”

More laughter echoed around the room. Poe wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, face completely flushed after laughing too hard.

“Seriously, I never pictured you as a cat-person, Hux. But now that I know, it somehow just makes sense”

Hux snickered.

“I get that a lot”

Phasma rose from her seat, reaching over to the end of the table to grab the bottle of wine.

“I see empty glasses, people. Anyone want a refill?”

Eager nods came from everyone around the table, Rey included. After filling up their glasses, Phasma raised her own to the air towards the center of the table.

“I’m having such a lovely time. Thank you so much for inviting us into your home and for sharing this lovely meal with us” she said, flashing a brilliant smile at Rey and her friends. Rey instinctively returned it.

“The pleasure is all mine” Finn said, beaming. “Thank you so much for coming”

As all of them said their cheers and clinked their glasses together, Hux’s phone suddenly went off. He looked at the display before snickering down at Rey who sat beside him.

“Ben is Facetiming me. This should be fun”

Before Rey could even react, Hux accepted the video-call and held the phone up to show his face on camera. Rey leaned slightly over to her side to make sure she was out of the shot, not really knowing why.

“Hey, Solo! Still alive?” Hux cheerfully greeted him as Ben’s still bandaged face popped up on screen. Judging from the sterile, white wall behind him, it seemed he was still at the hospital. Ben looked like he was about to say something before his brow furrowed.

“…are you drunk?” he asked quietly. Hux laughed heartily.

“Just a little bit. Can’t have fun without you, is that it?”

“It’s Tuesday” Ben remarked flatly, making Hux wave a hand.

“Oh, right, sorry  _Dad_. Doesn’t really matter, does it?”

Ben rolled his eyes, yet there was a glimmer of amusement in his gaze.

“Right, whatever. Where are you, anyway?”

“I’m at a dinner party with Phas and Mitaka. And other friends”

Ben raised a brow.

“ _Other friends?_ ”

Before Rey could protest, Hux reached his arm around her shoulder and dragged her close towards his chest and into frame.

“Yeah, the Rey-fam! Say hi, Rey!”

The moment Ben noticed Rey, his eyes widened noticeably. His composed demeanor seemed to fall away as his lips parted slightly. Rey swallowed, somehow feeling she had overstepped some sort of line. 

“Um, hi” she said weakly, offering a small wave at him. Ben merely nodded in response.

“Right. I hope you’re not intruding” he said sharply at Hux before his gaze trailed the screen.

Hux grinned, squeezing Rey even harder towards himself. Rey was having trouble staying in her chair due to his incessant pulling, making her having to kneel in between their chairs to keep herself upright.

“Not at all!” Hux mused. “We’re at Finn’s! And we’re having a blast, right guys?”

Gleeful cheers echoed from around the table, making Ben flinch slightly in surprise at the sudden volume. He cleared his throat, as if to reassert himself.

“You do seem awfully cozy, alright”

There was a slight sting to his words, yet it was almost impossible to notice. Hux however, seemed to pick up on it instantly.

“Jealous, much? Get your ass back home and I’ll gladly leave you this seat next time”

Rey felt her heart fly into her throat at his words. What the hell was he doing? Ben’s gaze only darkened further. His hand reached up and slowly wiped over his face, as if having to endure this scene made him physically unwell.

“Please, just behave yourself, alright? I’m not the only one still recovering”

“You’re awfully adorable when you worry about her, Solo” Hux mused, petting Rey's head. Ben’s nostrils flared in anger.

“When I get out of this shithole, you’re dead, Armitage”

Hux simply laughed in response.

“Catch me if you can! Anyway, dessert is upon us! See ya!”

Before Ben could utter another word, Hux ended the call and let Rey go. She slowly shifted back into her seat, reaching quickly for her glass of wine and took a large swig. As the conversation around the table resumed, Rey felt Hux’s eyes on her.

“Too much?”

Rey shrugged.

“You never tire from that, do you?”

He chuckled.

“Nope. And now you see why. Him being flustered and annoyed is my favorite thing in the world”

He hesitated, taking a small sip of his glass.

“But you know, I did tell you before that it’s just all in good fun. I hope you’re not too mad at me”

Rey had to laugh, yet the nervous sensation from earlier still hadn’t left her. Hux had told her before that she tipped Ben off balance and that was what made his teasing so entertaining to him. While she didn’t know what that meant exactly, she had to admit she liked Hux a bit too much to really care.

“No, you’re good people. I’ll tolerate a certain quota”

Hux winked at her before holding his glass towards her.

“I’ll hold you to that”

Laughing, Rey happily clinked it with her own.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Rey was walking up the nearly deserted streets, heading for home. Since Finn lived quite far away from her, she had taken a taxi most of the way back. Needing to clear her head after all the wine, she asked the driver to stop a few blocks down so she could walk the rest of the way in the crisp evening air. Snow still fell lightly in the windless night, starting to leave a blanket of white covering the houses and driveways. As she searched through her purse for her earbuds, she saw the small light on her phone blink, indicating she had unread notifications. Aside from a few notifications from Instagram and Snapchat, she also had one unread text message from an unknown number.

 

> **Unknown**
> 
>  “ _Sorry about my idiot friend, I hope they didn't embarrass themselves too much._
> 
> _-Ben_ ”

 

Rey raised a brow in surprise. Parts of her had convinced her that Ben would never actually text her. Smiling slightly to herself, she discarded the tangled mess that was her earbuds, grabbed her phone with both hands and saved the number under “Ben Solo”, before starting to write a reply as she walked.

 

> **Rey Johnson**
> 
>  “ _No, don’t worry about it. I’m on my way home now, but we had a good time_ ”

 

After a few moments, her phone vibrated in her hands.

 

> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _"I know. I got a video on Snapchat from Hux on his way downtown. Apparently, he and Mitaka are dragging Finn and Poe to a bar for drinks and complained that you, Rose and Phas skipped out on it"_

 

Rey had to laugh. The four of them were quite drunk when she left and had invited the girls along, to which they had all declined due to it being so late on a weekday. But somehow, the idea of the four of them going out together still made her oddly...happy. It was proof that their groups indeed had merged without her really noticing it.

 

> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _"I'm not surprised. Contrary to the rest of us, they did seem like they weren't all that ready to let the evening end just yet._
> 
> _By the way, are you doing okay? I'm surprised you're still up at this hour"_
> 
>  
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _"Like I have anywhere to be in the morning"_

 

Rey snickered. His normal tone seemed to come through even in text. Before she could reply, she received another message. 

 

> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _"In fact, seeing you are still up, I was wondering if I could take you up on your offer from before. You know, the whole "if I ever needed anything" speech. Unless you've changed your mind, that is"_
> 
>  
> 
> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _"I haven't changed my mind, but I do have to say I wonder what on earth you might be needing from me at 1 in the morning"_
> 
>  
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _"I would ask you to hand out one of your wicked right hooks to Hux for making such an ass out of me earlier, but seeing you already left I guess I’m a bit late with that request"_

 

Rey laughed to herself.

 

> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _"You’re never gonna let that go, are you? Maybe next time. Seriously though, what do you need?”_

 

It took a little while before Ben replied.

 

> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _“I can’t sleep”_

 

The moment Rey read the words on screen, she realized exactly what was going on. Ben had been admitted for almost a week. He had just been watching his friends on social media, all having a good time without him being able to join in. Having just been admitted herself, if only for a few days, Rey knew exactly how solemn and isolated staying in such a sterile environment as a hospital could make one feel.

Ben was… _lonely_. And right now, out of all people, he was reaching out to _her._

Not wanting to show him she picked up on his mental state, she took her time trying to write a lighthearted reply.

  

> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _“Want me to read you a bedtime story? I know a pretty good one about Little Red Riding Hood. Spoiler alert; her grandma is the wolf”_
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _“Funny, but seeing you already spoiled the twist for me, I’ll settle for something slightly less fantastic and a bit more based in reality”_
> 
> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _“Meaning what, exactly?”_
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _“Like, what are you doing right now?”_

 

Rey felt a smile form on her lips.

Benjamin Organa Solo, just wanting to talk. And to _her_. Now she really had seen everything. But, if that didn't surprise her enough as it was, her lack of hesitation to comply, did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course Hux has a ginger cat from hell that channels his true personality from the source material *laughs*  
> I had a lot of fun but also a lot of difficulties writing this chapter, but I hope you'll enjoy the finished product! Things are really moving along in a different direction now for a lot of the characters, so it'll be a lot of interesting new developments coming up.  
> As always, thanks for every comment, kudos and subscription! And thanks for reading! :3  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Rey contemplates if the changes to her life might be permanent or not, a friend visits her with some news to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been sticking to the same moodboard for the past 12 chapters, but now I want to change it up a bit. Embedded this time is an edit I made a few days ago of Ben and Rey, I hope you'll enjoy it. They look so good together I could almost cry (who am I kidding, of course I'm crying)

 

Rey rubbed her eyes lazily as she swirled her paintbrush around on her canvas, blending the red and blue she had splashed onto it into a vibrant purple. It had been over a week since she was let go from the hospital, and she had slowly fallen back into a somewhat normal existence after her and Ben’s ordeal. She had decided on leaving the intense job-search on the shelf for the time being, as she hadn’t felt able to keep up with it anymore. But surprisingly, there was a silver lining to it. With only her regular shifts at the bar to worry about, not having a second job had given her a lot more free time than what she had before. While she wouldn’t be able to keep her savings account that way, there was still one perk about it; for the first time in a very long time, Rey had time to paint and draw again.

After the accident, Rey had for some reason experienced a major surge of inspiration, which had dramatically increased the size of her online portfolio. During the last couple of days, she had played with a whole lot of different ideas and created a few pieces that even she herself were quite impressed with. As she always ended up hating most of her work once it was done, that was a newfound feeling for her. Seeing her follower base online grow with every new post she made, Rey realized she had finally found back to her old self somewhat. With all the work she had been buried in, she had almost forgotten how strong the desire to become an artist burned within her. 

Her phone vibrated on her desk, startling her. She peered over to look at the display, smiling to herself when she saw what it was.

 

> **Ben Solo**
> 
> “ _Seriously, you’ve seen “Moon”? That makes you pretty much the first person I haven’t had to lecture about how good it is_ ”

 

Rey chuckled to herself as she read his message, the absurdity of the situation still not having settled quite yet. It had been a few days since Ben texted Rey and they ended up chatting long into the wee hours of the morning. While Rey had assumed they would leave it at that, Ben picked up where they left it off the next day. From there, it just snowballed. Soon, they had moved on from text messages and starting talking on the Messenger app instead. They chatted several times a day, talking about anything and everything that came to mind. Rey always knew Ben to be good with words, but having proper conversations with him made her realize just how witty and well-spoken he truly was. He was quick to jump on any possibility to entertain with his witty sarcasm and snide sense of humor, something that had Rey laughing audibly on more than one occasion. While Rey hated to admit it, she actually found herself _enjoying_ talking to him.

Wiping the paint off her fingers and hands, she picked up her phone and started to write a reply. Somewhere along the line, they had started to talk about movies and TV-shows, eventually realizing that they both had an affinity for sci-fi, fantasy and monster films. While Ben had seemed surprised at her preferences at first, the topic made him go off like a landmine.

 

> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _“Of course I’ve seen it! It's one of my favorite films of all time. I love stories with a good twist to them”_
> 
>  
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _“Alright, since you already impressed me with that one, I feel obliged to ask what other movies you prefer within the genre”_
> 
>  
> 
> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _“Well, I’m a sucker for the Alien franchise, but I like "Aliens" the best of the bunch._
> 
> _I also like "Predator", "The Thing", "Dune", "District 9", "Metropolis", "The Matrix"…_
> 
> _Seriously, there are almost too many to list, lol”_
> 
>  
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _“That’s some selection. Are you sure you’re just not reading off some Best Sci-Fi movies list on Google to impress me?”_

 

Rey laughed out loud at his response.

 

> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _“Positive”_

 

She hesitated a moment before summoning her courage, deciding on testing the waters of this new truce between them.

 

> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _“We could always watch one together when you get back and you can decide for yourself if I’m faking or not"_

 

The very moment Rey sent the message, she immediately wished she could take it back. Looking at it, it had been far too bold, as she had crossed the unspoken line considering the current nature of their relationship on a whim. Based on how long Ben took to respond, Rey's conviction of having made a horrible mistake was enforced tenfold. When her phone finally went off with the familiar “ _ping_ ” a while later, she almost didn’t dare to look at the screen.

But when she did, her heart skyrocketed and lodged itself firmly in the back of her throat.

 

> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _“Deal”_

 

Rey sat staring at her phone for several minutes, completely unable to believe it. He was joking, right? He had to be.

_They weren't... actually going to do this._

_Were they?_

While the time they had spent texting and chatting for the past few days had indeed been different, Rey still had doubts in the back of her mind that this truly changed anything at all. It could be a mistake to entertain this side of him, she knew as much. After all, she didn’t know which version of him would be the one to return to the apartment below hers when he was finally discharged.

But at the same time…

Rey sat back in her chair, exhaling slowly to try and gather her racing thoughts. Even though their conversations weren’t particularly deep nor personal in nature, she had learned more about Ben during the past few days than what she had through all the months they had known each other. They were just little things, sure; snippets of his personality and interests scattered about their chats. But slowly but surely, as she learned every single new and seemingly unimportant detail, a new picture of him had started to form in her mind. It didn’t reform him, but rather, expanded on the Ben she already knew. He was no longer _just_ the angsty and annoying downstairs neighbor with a temper. He was also the Ben that liked to read. The Ben that listened to old-school metal and rock bands. The Ben that practiced martial arts and boxing, and liked to hike in the mountains…

Having known next to nothing about him before, it made all the difference in the world.

Rey shook her head several times, trying to chase the thoughts away into the back of her mind where they belonged. If he did return the same, unfriendly and unlikable fellow he had been before, then so be it. She picked up her phone, staring at the screen for a few moments as she re-read Ben's answer again and again, as if to make sure it hadn't just been part of her imagination.

Truthfully, she simply enjoyed their conversations far too much to stop herself now.

* * *

 

Rey had almost fallen asleep when her downstairs doorbell rang, startling her awake. She quickly scrambled to sit up as she returned the cup of tea still in her hands to the desk, before pressing the home button of her phone to check the time.

_21:47._

She frowned. Who on earth would come here at this hour?

She walked into the hallway just as the doorbell rang again, twice this time. It made her hesitate, stopping in her tracks. What on earth could be this urgent? Did some poor sod of a tenant forget his keys? Wanting to still her curiosity, she unhooked the phone and put it to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Rey”

The voice was panting loudly, as if he had been running only moments before. Luckily, it was also a voice that was familiar to her.

“Finn? Is that you?”

“Yes” he replied, hitching for breath. “Look, I know it’s late, but could I come in for a while? I really need to talk to you”

Rey was momentarily lost for words.

“Is…something wrong?” she asked uneasily.

“Please, I really want to do this face to face” he said hastily.

“Sure, of course…” Rey stuttered, pushing the button to unlock the door to the complex.

“Come right in”

* * *

 

When Finn finally came to the door of her apartment, he entered so quickly Rey didn’t even have a chance to assess him. He went straight for the living room, falling into one of the couches and leaning his head back, staring up at the ceiling blankly. Rey hesitantly followed, sitting down next to him.

“Finn… what on earth is going on?” she asked quietly. “Did something happen?”

“Oh, something happened alright..:” he muttered, before straightening up in his seat. He leaned forward, resting his knuckles against his lips.

“Poe... he asked me to... you know”

“You are shitting me...” Rey breathed as she realized where he was going with this. Finn grinned, his smile partly concealed behind his hand.

"It's true. We're officially dating"

Rey burst out into a high-pitched squeal before she could stop herself, covering her mouth with her hands. She quickly jumped at him, holding onto Finn's shoulders and shaking him in excitement.

“I know, I know" Finn chuckled, amused by her reaction. "I’m quite stunned myself to be fair. It’s been a very… eventful day, to say the least…”

"I'll say! My gosh, I'm so happy for you! Congratulations! I don't care what you're doing in the morning, I'm opening a bottle of wine"

As Rey tried to leave Finn's side to get it, he reached out his hand and grabbed hers, holding her back. Rey cocked her head to the side in surprise as she looked back at him. Finn's gaze had lost some of the spark from earlier as he stared at her. Her heart sank.

“This is... good, right? I mean, you do like him?”

Finn nodded, darting his eyes away.

“I do. I really, really do. Wine sounds absolutely on point right now, but there is something I need to talk to you about first"

He yanked at her hand lightly, making Rey slide back down into the seat next to him.

"You see, we've had several talks lately about, you know, everything. Past, present and the future”

He cleared his throat.

“He's kept it to himself, but Poe is going away for a while. His company is sending him to the Philippines to work as a travel agent at one of their offices”

“Oh…” Rey breathed, suddenly feeling numb. “How long will he be gone?”

“That’s the thing…” Finn started, seeming a bit uneasy. “I’m going with him”

Rey’s mind went completely blank for a moment before she managed to take in what he had just said. Finn looked at her, his eyes shimmering as he gently squeezed her hands in his.

“I know it might seem a bit rash, but truth be told… I’ve been dying for a chance like this. I’ve been looking for an excuse to get out of that diner job for months. Since I have a pretty solid savings account, I can afford to take some time off and just be…impulsive for once. Experience some new things. Take some chances. And I…”

He smiled widely, letting out a small laugh.

“I know I'm an incoherent mess right now, but I really, really want to do this”

Rey’s vision blurred as tears started to form in her eyes. Finn reached out his hand and gently started petting her arm.

“It won’t be forever, Peanut. A few weeks, months maybe, if everything goes well. I just really want to see where this path could lead”

Rey leaned in and wrapped her arms around Finn’s shoulders, hugging him as hard as she could. The two of them had been kindred spirits ever since they met each other, both playing it safe and never daring to take risks in case yet another aspect of their life decided to go to shit. They had both been wanting to find their place and a new sense of belonging, yet were too reserved to go out and actively chase it. For that reason, seeing Finn actually stepping out of his comfort-zone to experience something new and different, was invigorating to her.

“Please don't misunderstand me. I get it” she breathed into his shirt. “And I’m really happy for you. I would have jumped at an opportunity like this if I got it myself”

Finn rested his cheek on her head as he held her.

“Thank you. I wanted you to be the first to know, which is why I hurried over here. While I hate to be away from you for that long, I’m still…”

Rey felt his smile towards her temple.

“For the first time in a really long while, I’m truly excited about something. And _someone_ ”

Rey pulled away from him, having managed to control her emotions somewhat.

“If you’re looking for my blessing, look no further. I do have a few conditions though”

Finn seemed surprised.

“Shoot”

“Send me some photos of all the fun you're having now and then so that I can be green with envy”

Finn laughed, lovingly petting her head.

“Granted. Anything else?”

Rey nodded, leaning back in to hug him again. Finn was the best friend she had. He was the closest thing she had to family. While it hurt knowing he would leave for so long, there was also no doubt in her mind that she wanted him to be happy. Feeling her emotions threaten to take her again, she quickly bit them back.

“Let me be the first to buy you a beer when you guys get back...”

Finn sniffled at her words, revealing that he too was starting to become emotional. He lovingly reached behind her head with his hand, planting a kiss on her forehead.

“I look forward to it, Peanut”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, we've sure come a long way with out little ship since we started! I was grinning to myself the entire time writing this chapter. Also, Finn and Poe going on an adventure together abroad just makes absolute sense in my head.  
> ~Fun fact; I am a sucker for sci-fi, fantasy and monster films myself, and Moon IS one of my favorite films to date~  
> Your response to the last chapter has been insane, and I feel so extremely fortunate for every comment, kudos and subscription! Thank you guys so much for sticking with me on this journey so far! While I still have no idea how many chapters it will take me to get to the end, I hope you're all going to enjoy the ride going there.  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a late shift at the bar, Rey shares a special moment with a friend

 

 

The following Thursday, Rey got back from her shift at the bar way later than she used to. Work had been hellish, with an obscene amount of people eager to escape the snow and fill their bellies with hot food and drink long into the night. Rey sighed loudly as she got up from her seat on the bus, waving a hand at the bus driver before stepping out into the cold winter air. All of her muscles ached, yet her head and mind was anything but tired. If anything, she felt more awake now than when she left 8 hours prior.

As she walked from the bus stop towards her apartment complex, she picked up her phone to check if she had any new messages. But, aside from a few notifications from Instagram, her phone remained as silent as it had all evening. Rey frowned, stuffing it back into her pocket in disappointment. Ben had been unusually absent most of the day and while she hated to admit it, she actually started to miss their friendly banter the very moment it went away. She shook her head, pulling herself together. He was more than entitled to decide for himself how much time he spent online, and it wasn’t like she expected him to always reply right away whenever she messaged him. But at the same time, there was a small amount of unease brewing within her. She had considered the possibility of this newfound friendliness between them being temporary many times, but hadn’t really wanted to entertain the thought. Regardless, she knew she had to be realistic. If it really did turn out that way, she would just have to find a way to deal with it.

Not in the mood for going into her dreary apartment, Rey instead walked around the complex and into the common area in the back, wanting to have a few moments by herself to clear her head. But as she rounded the corner, a set of footprints in the snow immediately made it apparent that she wasn’t the only one out here. Dressed in a black winter coat, sitting on one of the benches, was Ben. Rey stopped in her tracks the moment she laid eyes on him, making the few inches of snow beneath her feet crunch loudly underneath her boots. Ben looked up, noticing her hover a few feet away.

Ben looked a lot better than when Rey had last seen him. His face was no longer bruised and back to his normally light complexion, only broken by the red line trailing down his cheek and neck. His dark hair was slicked back, framing his features in soft, full waves that stood out in strong contrast against the snowy landscape around them. 

“Ben...” Rey breathed, not really sure what to say now that they were suddenly face to face.

Ben smirked, returning his gaze to the ground in front of him.

“Hello, Rey”

Seeing his demeanor, Rey found the courage to walk up to his side, crossing her arms around her to tuck her scarf closer to her face.

“You’re up late” she said, not looking at him.

“So are you” he remarked, brushing a lock of hair out of his face.

Rey sighed.

“I just got back from work. I wanted to relax for a while before going to bed, so that’s why I came here”

A slight sound escaped his lips.

“So did I”

“Have you been home for long?”

“No" Ben said, sending her a quick look. "I got here a few hours ago. It’s been a very busy day, but eventually I was deemed in good enough shape to be let go. Just in time too, since I’m pretty sure I would have lost my mind if I had to stay there much longer”

Rey chuckled, shifting her weight from one leg to the other.

“Can I sit for a while?” she asked, looking at him. He simply nodded his head towards the free spot next to him, brushing the layer of snow away with the sleeve of his coat.

“Feel free”

Rey sent him a weak smile in gratitude before stepping onto the bench and, like Ben, sitting down on the table, resting her legs on the seats. They sat in silence for a while, but to Rey's surprise, it wasn't an uncomfortable one. Occasionally, she dared peeking over at Ben, whose gaze was fixed on the dark skies above them. A few, dark-grey clouds were gathering, indicating that the forecasted heavy snowfall might be upon them very soon. But the air was still fresh and crisp, which did wonders to Rey’s dulled and exhausted mind. She sighed silently to herself, making Ben’s head turn in her direction.

“You alright?” he asked.

Rey nodded, somewhat charmed by his concern.

“I’m just a bit tired, is all”

“Work got you down?”

“Rather lack thereof” she admitted quietly, and meant it. While she was exhausted after the shift she had just endured, it had nothing on her constant worry over her slowly deteriorating savings account. Ben kept staring at her as if she had just offered him a riddle and he was desperately trying to solve it on the spot. Rey met his gaze as bravely as she could, realizing she never told him about being let go. Summoning her courage to do so, was a lot harder than she thought it would be. 

“I lost my job. At the diner”

Ben’s lips parted slightly.

“What? When?”

Rey looked away, pulling her knees up to rest on the table and cradling them to her chest with her arms.

“A couple of days before I hit you with my car…”

“Oh…” he simply breathed. Rey didn’t blame him for a lack of creativity in his response. What did you say to someone in a situation such as that?

“I’m sorry to hear that” he muttered. Rey shook her head.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m still looking for a new job, but the right opportunity just hasn’t presented itself yet”

Ben nodded a few times without a word, but Rey were sure he understood what she actually meant. She couldn’t get a job, because there was so little she was qualified to do. 

“How are you doing? You look like you’re healing nicely” Rey said, wanting to change the subject.

Ben turned to look at her and, as if on instinct, his hand reached to his face to brush against the wound she had left him with. While it had turned out much nicer than what Rey initially had imagined, the large line trailing his face was still red and angry. Even though she knew it would pale with time, it would always be his new most prominent feature. While Rey had managed to let go of her guilt, every time she looked at him she would always be reminded of the permanent imprint she had left on him.

“I guess. I’m just happy to have the stitches out. They itched like hell”

He scratched the back of his head with his hand, a small flare of amusement burning within his eyes.

“I just wish my friends were a bit less infantile about my new appearance. Their jokes are getting boring”

“How so?” Rey asked, curious, although she had already heard a couple of them herself. Only the week before during an outing with the now expanded gang, Hux had gone on a tirade about needing a Witcher to dispose of a Griffin plaguing "the village", and wanted to know if they thought Ben would be a good candidate for the task. While it had spawned laughter initially, Rey still felt a little bad on Ben's behalf.

“They came to visit yesterday and Mitaka asked if I could sit somewhere else the next time we went to a bar because apparently I would be “scaring all the girls away” with my new looks”

Rey let out a small laugh at his remark, making Ben send a stern look in her direction.

"And here I though their jokes weren't funny"

“You shouldn’t worry too much" Rey assured. "You already scared them away before I ruined your complexion”

Ben’s eyes narrowed as he grinned at her words. It was a blatant lie and Rey thought for sure he knew it, as there was no way he couldn't be aware of all the female attention he had been attracting in the past. He peered over at her, digging his deep brown eyes into hers. Rey swallowed nervously, feeling her heartbeat quicken. Smiling Ben was still not something she had grown used to.

“You always were a charmer, Rey”

He looked away, eyes settling on a spot beyond the tree-line at the far end of the yard.

“I don’t really care about that, though. As a matter of fact, I have some… other things… to deal with these days”

Rey kept staring at him. His spark from before had faded away.

“I’m not going to pry, but if you want to share, I’m all ears”

Ben hesitated a few moments before, to Rey's surprise, nodding curtly. When he spoke, his voice was nearly an octave lower than normal.

“My mother…” he started, making Rey perk up in her seat. This was the first time she had heard him even mentioning his family.

“She’s been trying to get back into contact with me, and I’ve been dodging her like the plague. But lately, it’s been getting… difficult”

Rey didn’t speak, afraid to scare him out of this moment where he finally confided in her willingly. After a brief pause, Ben resumed speaking.

“To you, who have no family, it might seem odd that I’d want to shun my own. I can’t tell you why but please believe, I have my reasons for it”

He sighed.

“But lately… I’ve felt different, somehow. It would be so easy to just reach out and pick up my phone to accept her call, but…”

He shook his head, seeming a bit angry at himself.

“I didn’t need her before when she wasn’t there. I shouldn’t need her now”

Rey reached out a hand and gently placed it on Ben’s lower arm. He stiffened slightly at the contact but didn’t pull away.

“I guess I must sound pretty stupid right about now" he said, dragging his hand through a few strands of hair that kept falling into his eyes. "This probably doesn’t even make any sense to you”

Rey shook her head, offering him a genuine smile. Truthfully, she was happy he told her anything at all.

“If it means anything, I think I can understand your feelings at the very least. At least to an extent”

A tiny bird flew into the yard, landing on the roof of one of the many feeders scattered about the common area. Rey smiled as she watched it starting to peck at the small amount of remaining seed within it, chirping to itself in delight.

“Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been alone. I’ve never had anyone to rely on but myself. Or at least, that’s what I felt like…”

She hesitated, picking every word with the utmost care.

“Even though I have my network of friends, who I know care deeply for me, I’ve always had trouble feeling truly connected to anyone around me. I guess it is because I know they are so different from me. Even though they try, nobody…really sees me. The real me”

She dared a peek at Ben, whose flickering gaze rested on her. He had turned slightly in his position towards her, his hand resting dangerously close to hers on the small space separating them.

“But you did. Despite our rivalry, you always seemed able to see straight through every line of defense I put up around myself. I guess I was reluctant to admit it at first, but…”

She shook her head, realizing she had started to just spill her feelings and thoughts on a whim.

“That’s why this… us, right now, scares me a bit” she confessed. “Because I’m finding myself starting to rely on you, and I want to know if it’s a mistake to do so”

Ben kept staring at her, his deep dark eyes studying her carefully. Rey felt her cheeks heat up, suddenly beyond nervous about what would come next. But it was better if she found out the truth now, before she was in too deep.

“That’s what you’ve been worrying about?” he said quietly. “That I haven’t been sincere?”

“Well, I didn’t really know any other you than the one I argued with…” Rey muttered, looking away.

“I guess I understand" he huffed, almost sounding a bit disappointed. "But that’s actually part of the reason why I’m out here tonight”

Rey raised an eyebrow at him, puzzled.

“I was hoping you'd show up, because I have something I want to say to you”

“Well..." Rey started, feeling her unease brew into a nauseating amount inside her chest. "I’m all ears”

Ben’s gaze remained fixed on the scenery as he seemed to be gathering his thoughts into words.

“I know we’ve been talking for a while and that it’s been…different. But I want to really make my intentions clear in a proper way as well, rather than just counting on you understanding”

He breathed in heavily before locking his eyes with hers.

“This _is_ my attempt at burying the hatchet. I want to try to start again, if you’ll let me”

The ball of nerves that had been growing steadily within her, suddenly shattered into a million pieces. 

“What on earth are you talking about?” Rey managed, hardly able to believe it. Her reaction brought a small smile to his face.

“You and I got off on a bad foot when we first met, and we’ve been standing on that foot ever since. I don’t mean drawing a line over everything that’s happened since then, but I would like to suggest we… keep things this way”

He sighed.

“I know I haven’t exactly been the most forthcoming in the past, so it’s not like I had any massive expectations that you’d want to be my friend, but… I guess seeing our chats made me hope a little anyway”

Rey felt her brain melt to a puddle inside her skull, rendering every attempt at forming words utterly useless. Ben turned towards her expectantly, as if waiting for her to pass judgement on him. When Rey finally managed to find her voice again, she only had one question she needed him to answer.

“Why now? I thought you couldn’t stand me because I remind you of yours-“

Rey stopped herself, swallowing hard. Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to say it. 

“I’ll admit I had my reservations in the beginning, but eventually I came to realize something”

He looked at her, gaze softening beyond all reason.

“Us being alike didn't have to be a bad thing, because it also made you the only person I’ve met who truly understands me”

There was nothing Ben could have said that would evoke more emotion within her than that. While she had been thinking those thoughts about Ben and simply assuming that meant he wouldn’t want anything to do with her, he had been doing the exact same thing about her. Their similarities, although painful, didn't have to be a bad thing. Both of them had simply been too stubborn to acknowledge it before.

Somehow, the whole situation made Rey laugh. She laughed and laughed until tears started streaming down her face and she wasn’t really sure if she were crying or laughing anymore. Ben stared at her, horrified as he obviously had no clue why she would react in such a manner. Rey waved a hand apologetically at him as she dried her tears away, finally managing to settle down.

“Sorry” she breathed. “I just found myself thinking about how utterly dumb we’ve both been towards each other all this time”

Ben seemed relieved, but he wasn’t the only one.

"As for your request of starting anew..."

Rey let out a sigh, smiling up into the skies as snow started to fall around them. It was real. All of it. No longer would she have to worry about her idiot rival downstairs. Because now, he was her idiot _friend_ instead.

“I’m free on Saturday”

Ben’s head turned towards her and she met his gaze, smile still on her face.

“If you still wanna watch that movie, I mean”

Ben returned it, a smile so genuine that it made Rey momentarily forget how to breathe. 

“I look forward to it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter came pretty quick, but it ties into the previous one so closely that I wanted to have it up as fast as I had it ready. I'm having a lot of late shifts at work these days, which is actually part of the reason why I manage to keep writing so much since it's the perfect way to wind down after I get back home. It's the season of slipping on ice and other accidents, so working in the radiology department at a hospital is very busy these days. Luckily, I have this fic and you wonderful readers to get my mind off it <3  
> Again, thank you so much for reading and leaving all your wonderful comments and kudos! With the last chapter we passed 200 kudos, and my gosh I am so grateful!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and feel free to come have a chat with me on Tumblr or Twitter!  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben spend a Saturday evening at his place.

 

> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _So, is there anything I should bring with me tonight? Like, snacks or any of the sort?_
> 
>  
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _Depends on what you’re up for. My only criteria was you let me fix the dinner._
> 
>  
> 
> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _I already agreed, didn’t I? But since you’re getting the food, it only makes sense that I supply the snacks._
> 
>  
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _Fine by me. Just bring whatever you’d like. If you enjoy a glass of wine, I have a few bottles of both red and white we can choose from._
> 
>  
> 
> **Rey Johnson**
> 
> _Seriously, you had me at “dinner”._
> 
>  
> 
> **Ben Solo**
> 
> _Hah. I’ll make sure to remember that._

 

“What are you grinning about?”

Rey looked up from her phone, not having noticed Rose coming up next to her behind the bar.

“I… uh…” Rey muttered, not sure what she should answer. She still hadn’t told any of her friends about how friendly she and Ben had become. Initially it had been because she was afraid it would all come crashing down around her, leaving her in an awkward position. But after clearing the air with him, there was little reason for her to remain secretive.

“I’m… actually texting Ben” Rey admitted, making Rose almost drop the glass she was holding.

“You’re texting… Ben” she repeated, as if afraid having heard her wrong.

“Yeah…” Rey breathed, shrugging. “It seems we’ve gotten over our differences”

“My, my…” Rose hummed, amusement written all over her face. “I really didn’t see that one coming”

“Neither did we, I think” Rey said, putting her phone down on the counter. Rose grinned at her before nodding her head to greet a few regular customers as they walked by the bar.

“Not that I want to pry or anything, but you know…”

Rey laughed quietly to herself.

“You wanna pry”

“Desperately” Rose groaned, sending her a pleading look.

“There’s not much to say, really” Rey said honestly, knowing exactly how it would sound.

“Considering it’s you and Ben Solo, I’d say that’s a lot on its own” Rose mused.

"I guess, but I'm serious. We've just been texting a lot, so there's not much to tell yet"

Rose perked up at this.

" _Yet_?" she repeated, demonstrating her impeccable skills at picking up on everything during conversation. Rey gathered her courage, not sure why she was feeling so uneasy about admitting it.

"We're doing dinner and a movie at his place tonight..." she muttered quietly, as if hoping Rose wouldn't hear. But looking at her, it was quite obvious she understood. Rose’s mouth fell wide open.

“Shut. UP” she bellowed, putting her hands on her cheeks before breaking into a smile that looked painfully wide.

"Dammit, Rey! He won you over eventually, huh?"

Rey felt equal amounts of irritation and embarassment fight for dominance within her.

"It's not like that at all! Nobody won anyone over, we just kind of... figured each other out, alright? It's already weird enough for me as is, so please don't make it any worse by assuming anything, okay?"

Hearing her tone, Rose seemed to settle down a bit from her initial excitement. However, the mischievous look on her face didn't falter at all.

"Whichever, whatever, I am expecting to be hearing about this first thing tomorrow, got it?"

Rey simply sighed in defeat, knowing this was far from the last she would hear about it. What would she ever do with her idiot friends...

* * *

 

After her few hours of standing in for Paige at work, evening came quicker than Rey had anticipated it would. A few minutes before it was time to go, she checked herself in the mirror one last time, desperately trying to ignore the insane mess she had made of her bedroom. Almost all of her clothes were dragged out of the closet, now laying strewn about the floor and marking the aftermath of her desperate attempt at finding something to wear. Eventually, she had settled on a white cashmere sweater and a dark pair of skinny jeans, coupled with a few buckles around her wrists and a simple necklace. Her hair was drawn back across her scalp, kept in place in the back of her head with a clip. It wasn’t too flashy nor was it too casual, and now that she looked at herself, Rey found herself wondering why she had made such a big deal out of it. But the question was in fact quite easy to answer. It was dinner and a movie with Ben in his apartment. The very epitome of unfamiliar ground. At least knowing she looked somewhat decent, gave her a little bit of confidence.

Rey grabbed her keys and shopping bag, before walking out of her apartment and locking it behind her. After descending the stairs, she stopped in front of Ben’s door, taking a few moments to gather herself. Would this be awkward? After all, it would be the very first time they did something together after becoming friends. Not wanting to let her thoughts make her too nervous to not go through with it, she reached out her hand and knocked before she could chicken out. The noise was almost painfully loud in the empty hallway.

A few moments passed before Ben opened the door. Rey involuntarily straightened up the moment she laid eyes on him. Luckily for her, he had gone down the same route as her when it came to his choice of clothes for the evening. Ben sported a knitted, slightly form-fitted dark blue sweater and a pair of dark trousers, making him look well-dressed but casual. His hair was as it normally was; impossibly thick and flowy, but neatly styled. Rey swallowed, suddenly feeling like she was looking at him for the first time.

“Hi” she said, offering him a weak smile. Ben’s gaze dipped quickly as if assessing her outfit, before rising to meet hers. He nodded at her.

“Hi” he echoed. “You sure came prepared”

Rey looked down, almost having forgotten about the massive shopping bag she was carrying.

“Ah, well, I couldn’t decide on snacks so I kind of went a bit overboard” she laughed, a bit embarrassed.

She held it out for him to take.

“I know you said to bring whatever, but I hope there’s something in there you can enjoy as well”

Ben chuckled before accepting the bag, peering into it.

“I think we’ll be fine. Come on in, the food is almost done”

He took a step back, holding onto the door with his hand. Taking a few moments to brace herself, Rey walked into his hallway, letting him shut the door behind her.

* * *

 

The inside of Ben’s apartment wasn’t at all like she had imagined. Based on the Ben she had known, she had expected a classic bachelor pad with gaming systems, exercise equipment and an enormous flat screen TV taking up much of the space. While all those things were indeed present, they were completely drowned by something completely different that dominated most of the apartment.

Books.

Ben had shelf upon shelf upon shelf with them, bookcases and containers stuffed with literature on every wall. Rey walked around in awe as Ben emptied out the contents of her bag, now and then chuckling to himself at the sheer volume of it.

“You seem somewhat stupefied” Ben eventually remarked, eying her carefully. Rey simply looked at him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many books in one place before”

Ben rolled his eyes.

“A library would have shocked you dead, then”

Rey snickered at his sarcasm, gesturing around the room with her hand.

“Har-har" she fake-laughed. "I’d still call this a level of interest above average”

“Well, you’re not wrong” he said, peering into the now empty bag to check if he missed anything. “We all have our interests. I like to read, so I have a lot of books”

“Granted” Rey agreed. “At least reading is a hobby that's a bit easier to keep organized than art. You should have seen the state of my guest room right now. If the landlord came by, I’m sure he’d kill me”

Ben let out a quiet laugh as he moved his hands over to rest on the back of the dining chair in front of him. It almost completely disappeared underneath his massive palms.

“Yeah, about that… I though you said you weren’t any good”

“I’m sorry?”

“At painting”

Rey stared at him. There was a faint shimmer of amusement in his eyes.

“I checked out your page on Instagram” he admitted. “I got a bit curious after you mentioned it yesterday”

Rey chuckled. While she had indeed talked about her account a few times during their conversations, she hadn’t actually counted on him looking her up. Praise the heavens she had decided that posting the portrait of him on her account was too much of a risk.

“Well, I’m just an amateur after all" she insisted, not really wanting the praise Ben was offering. It seemed to entertain him.

“An amateur who likes to try a whole lot of different styles, but has a certain affinity for impressionism, by chance?”

“You’re… right” Rey breathed, somewhat stunned by his knowledge. Impressionism was the style that had shaped her own direction of painting the most through the years. She had often found much inspiration for developing her own style by looking at works from famous painters, and one of her favorite artists was the impressionist Claude Monet. She had several paintings in her closet back home she had made using his work as a reference.

Ben seemed to pick up on her surprise.

“I don’t strike you as the artsy type?” he teased, gesturing around the room at the obvious lack of any art or decorations.

Rey grimaced at him.

“Not really. I know you teach a few of Rose’s classes, although in such a varied program like liberal arts, that could mean pretty much anything”

Ben’s smile faded slightly as his gaze settled on some undefined spot at the other end of the room.

“I like art, but it has nothing to do with what I teach. I’m a literature and English major” he said quietly, as if he was ashamed of it. 

“Literature?” Rey repeated. “Looking at this place, I guess that makes sense. You write as well, then?”

Ben’s eyes darkened to the point where the very temperature of the room seemed to drop a few degrees. Rey tried trailing his gaze, eventually coming to rest on a desk by the corner of the room, surrounded by sheets of papers scattered across the dark wood. A laptop rested on the middle of it, a small layer of dust betraying it had gone without use for quite some time.

“I _used_ to”

Ben’s voice was a mere murmur in the back of his throat as he spoke, completely void of any emotion. Just like whenever he spoke of his family, there was something pained in his expression. While intrigued by this new revelation, Rey really didn’t want to start out their first evening together on a bad note. 

“Who would have known you were an intellectual” she hummed, summoning a snort of disapproval from Ben. “Were you ever published, by chance?” she added, hoping it wouldn't sour his mood further.

Luckily for Rey, Ben nodded again, the layer of darkness covering his gaze somewhat falling away.

“A few times, yes”

Noticing the look on her face, the corner of Ben’s mouth tugged slightly.

“Oh, you won’t find my name on any book no matter how hard you search. I wrote under a pseudonym for the sake of privacy and I intend to keep that secret to myself”

Rey felt disappointment grow, yet found that she was in no position to pester him about it. If she had learned anything at all about Ben, it was that he liked to keep his secrets. If she ever wanted to know more about it, she would probably have to wait and let him share on his own terms. Considering his mood from before, she didn’t exactly assume that would happen anytime soon.

While Ben went to check on the food still cooking in the kitchen, Rey kept touring the living room, taking in every detail there was to see. It was sparsely decorated but still cozy, and unsurprisingly she found no photos of family members or the sort anywhere. The only picture she found was a small, framed photograph standing on his desk.

It was of him and his friends at some sort of concert, everyone grinning wildly with flashy band t-shirts and beers in hand. Mitaka was grinning from ear to ear as he clung to the waist of a laughing Lusica, sending her a look that left the nature of their relationship obvious. Rey studied her intently, realizing just how gorgeous the brunette truly was. Lusica remained the one member of the gang that Rey really hadn’t talked that much to. She was rarely with the group whenever they went to the bar, and while the two had exchanged pleasantries from time to time, Rey had never had the chance to meet her outside of work. Everything she knew was that she was in her mid-twenties and was a colleague of Ben’s. But, based on how she always seemed to stick so close to Ben whenever she went with them, Rey had absolutely no idea she and Mitaka had this sort of relationship. Rey would rather have assumed she had some sort of thing with Ben, had it not been for Hux's fondness for teasing Ben about his status as single.

Hux and Phasma stood on each side of the two, grinning stupidly and both looking like they had gone trekking in the woodlands for a week without any supplies. Ben was at the far right, a small smile plastered on his face and his dark, vibrant locks pulled back into a messy bun.

Rey turned towards the kitchen, looking at Ben as he was peering into a steaming pot, seemingly lost in thought. Despite his appearance after the accident, there was still something oddly…appealing by his looks. She almost felt defeated by admitting it considering the horrible relationship they had before, but now when she was able to have a good look at him without her constant hatred clouding her judgement…

Ben put the lid of the pot back on and Rey twirled around with her back to him before he had a chance of noticing her staring at him. Ben came to her side a moment later, looking over her shoulder.

“Where was this taken?” Rey asked. Ben took the photo from her, holding it up.

“Germany” he answered. “We went to a music festival for four days. Slept in a tent with mud everywhere. That’s why we all look like that”

“That sounds like fun” Rey hummed, and meant it. Rey never had any issues with activities that left her at risk of getting filthy. She had once dragged a very reluctant Finn on a week-long camping trip to the mountains, and while they did have the time of their lives, half of the second day was spent getting themselves and their stuff out of a swamp they accidentally got stuck in. Finn had complained endlessly about his new trekking shoes being ruined, while Rey had been far too busy laughing her head off over the sheer ridiculousness of it all to care.

“It was, even though I can’t exactly say I was particularly well-rested after it was over. Nearly a week of drinking and partying does that to you, I guess” Ben mused, before chuckling to himself.

“I remember I woke up one morning with a half-eaten burger from the night before on my pillow. Lusica and Phas spent nearly an hour using bottled water to try and scrub most of it out of my hair”

Rey laughed quietly to herself, picturing Ben bent over as the two women doused him in water while picking the scraps of bread, meat and condiments out of his thick mane. Even the idea of it was nothing short of ridiculous.

“As for Lusica and Mitaka..." Ben continued, eyes darkening somewhat. "They _were_ a couple, but not anymore. They broke it off a year or so back, which is part of the reason why Lusica doesn’t hang out with us that often. It wasn't all that... pretty”

Seeming to want to leave it at that, Ben put the photo back down on his desk and turned to look towards the kitchen.

“The food is just about ready to go. You can take a seat by the dining table and I’ll bring it out”

Rey smiled, shaking her head from side to side.

“Come on, you cooked. Let me help”

Ben seemed a bit surprised by her offer, yet Rey didn’t wait for a response. She strode past him and into the kitchen as Ben simply followed behind in silent agreement.

* * *

 

Not too long after, Rey and Ben sat opposite each other by his small dining table, each with a steaming serving of food in front of them. To Rey's relief, conversation between the two of them still flowed easily and she was gradually becoming more and more comfortable in this new setting with him. They joked endlessly, sending small jabs at each other whenever they had the chance, but this time it was completely different from what it had been before. The twinkle in Ben’s eye and his adorable smile whenever he had made a particularly on point or bad joke, warmed Rey to her very core.

“I’m very impressed, Mr. Solo” she admitted as she observed her meal. Ben leaned across the table and grabbed one of the bottles of white wine, starting to fight the seal to get to the cork underneath.

“I didn’t know you were such a good cook”

The meal did look absolutely amazing. Pan-fried fish, served with oven-roasted potatoes and steamed veggies. Ben seemed a bit annoyed but if it was due to the rather stubborn cork or her remark, Rey didn't know.

“Always the tone of surprise, Ms. Johnson”

Rey chuckled, taking a moment to poke the fish on her plate with her fork in amazement. The skin was delicously crisp and the meat succulent, making her stomach turn slightly over itself in hunger. When she looked back up at Ben, he had stopped fiddling with the bottle and instead simply stared at it as if waiting for it to open itself.

“Mom taught me how to cook” he finally confessed as he seemed to come back to himself. “My dad wasn’t around a lot when I grew up, so for the most part it was me and her”

A small smile that didn’t quite manage to reach his eyes trailed across his lips.

“But that’s a long time ago now”

He finally got the cork out of the bottle before turning towards Rey as if nothing had happened, pouring her a generous helping.

“Any preference for what movie we should watch after?”

Rey swallowed down the hundreds of questions about his past and family-life that wanted to escape, trying her best at acting indifferent. But while she indeed desired to know more about him, she also found it incredibly easy to leave it at that. Because she was the same as him.

Ben had demons, unspoken tragedies and horrors brewing underneath his surface much in the same manner as Rey did. That was why it was so easy to accept that side of him, because she understood the need to protect certain sides of oneself. They both seemed to be on equal terms at that, seeing that Ben had never asked Rey about her past either, despite acknowledging on more than one occasion that he saw it in her. 

Rey took a sip from her glass, sending Ben a brilliant smile. Maybe that was why she valued her relationship with him so much. Because neither of them had to play pretend.

“Well, you were going to decide if I was faking my enthusiasm or not for sci-fi and fantasy, weren’t you?”

Her words made Ben laugh, almost making him spill all over the table as he was pouring wine into his own glass.

“You know, you don’t have to prove yourself at all. It’s not like I don’t believe you”

Rey raised an eyebrow, smirk on her face.

“Really now. And here I thought we had a motive for the evening when we agreed to do this”

“I _did_ have a motive when I agreed” he said bluntly. Rey smiled at him.

“I see. And what was that, then?”

Ben kept staring at her, gaze suddenly serious.

“I wanted to have dinner and watch a movie with you”

Rey swallowed, noticing her heartbeat quickening.

_That look on his face... what was he...?_

But it was gone before Rey had the chance to make sure.

“There’s nothing wrong with a movie from those genres either way" he continued, as if not having said anything at all. "Let’s browse the recommended section on Netflix and see what they have on offer”

He speared a potato with his fork and brought it into his mouth. Rey watched him before following suit, desperately trying to make her heart settle back into normal rhythms. It had to have been her imagination, she decided. There was no way he would ever look at her like... _that_. 

* * *

After eating, Rey and Ben settled into the couch with a glass of wine each and the massive amounts of snacks Rey had brought lined up on the table. As Ben had browsed through the titles available on Netflix, they had eventually decided on watching the superhero film "Deadpool". Even from the start, it immediately became apparent that this kind of film was an excellent first pick for the two of them. Due to the fast pacing and non-stop jokes, the movie quickly had them laughing like idiots and rendered any of Rey's fears about an awkward mood between them redundant. The wine, along with the snacks was disappearing quickly, making Ben eventually having to get up to open a third bottle. As the time flew by and the action and never ending infantile jokes reached their peak, Rey felt the familiar comfort of a warm buzz brewing in her.

This was… _nice_ , she realized, looking over at Ben as he laughed loudly at a particularly dumb line. The walls that had surrounded him so closely before, were indeed completely gone, allowing her to look at the Ben she had only occasionally observed from a distance in the past. The Ben who smiled and joked with his friends. The Ben that had this indescribable ability to attract the interest and attention of others…

This was that Ben. The Ben that everyone liked.

And now that she saw him too, she _got_ it.

If this was how Ben was truly like, there was no doubt in her mind that he was someone she could grow very fond of in time. If it was due to the wine or something else, she had no clue, but looking at him…

Maybe she was already a little fond of him.

Ben turned his head to look at her as the credits started to roll, as if noticing her churning thoughts. Rey managed a smile, one which he returned without hesitation.

Wanting a change from the hilarity that was their first pick, the pair decided on watching "Alien" next. They had talked a lot about the franchise during their chats, and shared opinions on the lore and backstory of the creatures, as well as disagreeing over which creature design was the superior one. But, while they didn't reach consensus on everything, one thing they did agree on was that the film was one of their all time favorites within its genre. They barely exchanged a single word throughout the whole thing, both of them completely immersed in the story and visuals despite having seen it multiple times in the past. But it was a very comfortable silence, Rey realized as she allowed her head to rest against the back of the couch for a moment, closing her eyes. Ben shifted slightly in his seat next to her, making Rey smile softly to herself. To think she'd be this comfortable in his presence... 

Rey suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder, making her perk her head up. Without noticing she had fallen asleep, her head drooping dangerously close to Ben’s shoulder. On screen, the credits of the film were running, telling her she had missed out on the climax of the film.

“Time to call it a night?” Ben asked softly. Rey bit her lip as she unsuccessfully tried to drown the disappointment over having to see the night end.

“Yeah, maybe” she muttered reluctantly, rubbing her eyes.

He smiled before getting up from his seat, reaching out his hand to her. She hesitated for a moment, puzzled by the gesture, before taking it and letting Ben help her to her feet. As she got up however, she realized just how drunk she actually was, making her wobble slightly as she attempted to find her balance. While Ben didn't laugh, Rey could easily tell he more than wanted to.

_Had he not looked so god damned adorable she would have called him out on making fun of her like this.._

Realizing what she was thinking, Rey shook her head a few times before finding her footing. Shaking out of his grip, Rey headed for the hallway with quick strides and Ben following at her heels. Once there, she opened the door, turning back towards Ben who stood hovering behind her.

“Well, thanks for tonight. This was fun” she said, trying to keep her words from slurring in her inebriation. Ben nodded.

“I agree”

They stared at each other silently, Rey feeling the brewing of her nerves flaring to life within her chest.

Old or new Ben, Rey had always known him to value his personal space, but now, he was standing close.

Almost too close.

His tall frame loomed over her, reminding her of just how incredibly massive he was compared to her. But somehow, it didn’t feel intrusive nor uncomfortable. Rather, there was something… inviting, about him that had Rey struggling to keep her knees from buckling underneath her.

_There it was again. The way he looked at her…_

“You wanna do it again sometime?” Ben asked quietly, holding his arm out to rest it on the frame of the door.

“Absolutely” Rey heard herself croak in reply, realizing she was completely operating on auto-pilot. But in spite of her clouded mind, she also experienced a sense of awareness in the moment that was undeniably profound. And it was all because of him.

Ben’s dark hair was starting to defy the product he had put in earlier, making a few strands hang into his forehead and eyes. While not having a finger on her, Rey still felt like she was kept in place by him in an iron grip. Ben’s vivid brown eyes held her own with a power she was unable to break free of, and for some reason she found herself not minding it at all. She clenched her fingers to her sweaty palms as the tension within her chest grew to almost unbearable levels. Her racing thoughts betrayed her a moment later, forming the words inside her head that she had so desperately denied for so long.

_God dammit, he **is** attractive. _

“Well then…” Rey started, wanting to escape the situation before she made a complete fool of herself. Considering her current state, she was surprised any words at all left her lips.

“Have a good night”

Ben’s eyes narrowed as he peered down at her, making Rey’s heart rip itself free of her ribcage and fall like a rock into the bottom of her abdomen.

“Good night, Rey”

Her mind was a mess, but Rey’s body seemed to still retain a sense of purpose. Before she knew it, she was standing behind the closed door of her apartment, heart still racing a mile a minute and without any memory of even walking up there. She slowly sat down with the door to her back, staring out into open space in front of her.

What the _hell_ just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I've attended the Wacken Open Air festival in Germany twice, once in 2009 and then again in 2012. In 2009 I was just a few months short of turning 18 years old, so while I didn't drink, I still managed to fall asleep on a half-eaten burger after a long day and night of fun. Needless to say, the aftermath was every bit as enjoyable as Ben describes it as, lol!
> 
> Here we are again! Man, this got long. But I hope you'll enjoy! Who would EVER have assumed Rey and Ben had romantic tension once they were friendly and on their own, hm? *laughs*
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the holidays! I had a wee break from writing considering I only got 3 days off from work, so I travelled to see my family without even bringing my computer with me, lol. Now, I'm back home and back to work. 
> 
> I want to use this update to close off the year of 2018, so this might get a bit lengthy. It's been a year full of ups and downs for me. Finishing my degree. Getting a job. Moving away from my loved ones... It's been a hell of a ride, but I've enjoyed every moment of it so far. I'm grateful for a lot of things, but the gratitude I feel towards you very dedicated and kind readers is something I'm struggling to explain now that I'm attempting to.  
> I've always been writing, ever since I was a young teen. While I have my degree now within a completely different field, I've always dreamed to be able to publish some of my original works at some point in time. Seeing your feedback and having the possibility to grow as a writer on a platform such as this, is incredibly valuable to me especially considering I'm a non-native English speaker.
> 
> Seeing that, I just want to properly thank all of you for being here with me through these months, and I hope you have a very happy New Year!  
> Personally, I'll be working the night shift at the hospital, so I'll be taking care of those whose partying gets a little too rough. (I'm an x ray-technician specializing in CT)  
> I love all of you guys <3 Come scream in Reylo with me on Tumblr or Twitter if you wanna and thank you so much for being here ~  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected message turns Rey's day completely on its head.

“Ben…?” Rey uttered softly, a faint sense of unease brewing in her abdomen. The room was dark, and the only light was provided by the moon shining in through the open curtains of Ben’s living room. She didn’t know exactly what was going on, but there was a sense of urgency within her that compelled her to keep searching.

While she didn’t know why, Rey knew she knew had to see him.

The door to Ben’s bedroom opened, making Rey’s heart fly into the back of her throat.

He was shirtless.

Small beads of sweat trickled down his forehead and onto his toned chest, making Rey’s eyes sweep dangerously across his more than desirable physique. The sight alone was almost intoxicating, but nothing rivalled the look of absolute desire on his face. Rey felt every muscle in her body clench involuntarily, rendering her completely glued to the spot.

Ben took a few, confident steps towards her, his dark brown eyes holding her own firmly. The moment he entered her space, Rey’s restraint and hesitance whisked away instantly like dust thrown to the wind. The silence between them was deafening and brought the level of tension in the air to almost unbearable levels.  
“I’ve been waiting for you…” he murmured, reaching down his hand to rest on the small of Rey’s back like it was the most natural thing in the world. The sensation caused Rey’s knees to sway underneath her, barely able to keep her on her feet. Without thinking, Rey let her body press up against his, laying her hands carefully to rest on his chest. The heat radiating from his bare skin felt scalding underneath her sweaty palms.

“Why…?” Rey heard herself say breathlessly, surprised at her own willingness to comply with his advances. A gentle smile crept across his lips, his dark eyes betraying his intentions once again.

“Why, she asks… You already know the truth”

Rey bit her lip, making Ben’s eyes dip for a moment. The smile slowly melted off his features, being replaced by a wolfish grin.

“Say it” he commanded silently, making Rey’s mouth go completely dry.

When she didn’t respond, Ben leaned his head down and put his lips right next to her ear. The feeling of his breath on her neck made every hair on Rey’s body stand on end.

_He knew what she wanted. So why didn’t he just take it?_

“Say it” he repeated, this time with a bit more urgency in his voice. He pulled back to look at her, but Rey found she only had one answer for him.

An answer which words couldn’t convey.

 

As her eyes flew open, Rey jerked upright in her bed, panting wildly. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and her sheets were soaked in sweat, rendering her a shaky mess as she desperately tried to understand what the hell had just happened. But as her heartbeat settled and the familiar gloom of her bedroom slowly started to register within her mind, Rey realized exactly what it was.

Groaning loudly, she let herself fall back against her pillows and smothered her face in her covers.

_Not again._

While Rey wished she could say this was the first time she had dreamt of Benjamin Solo in a setting such as that, it sadly wasn’t the case. After their first night of watching movies at his place, Rey had tried to write the mood between them off as a result of the alcohol. But when she came over to have another movie night with him the following week, the butterflies in her stomach were back full-force from the very start. As the weeks progressed and they kept spending more and more time together, it only got more intense. No matter where they were or what they did, Rey found herself increasingly attentive of him. It became harder and harder to look at him the way she had before, as she had become so incredibly aware of every little detail about him.

The way he pulled his hand through his impossibly full, dark mane of hair. How his deep, dark eyes shimmered as he looked at her. The way his lips parted as he immersed himself in her stories. His brilliant smile whenever she made a particularly dumb remark...

Rey let out a quiet moan in annoyance, desperate to bring her fleeting thoughts to a halt.

_How had it come to this?_

How was it that he had such a profound effect on her? Why was it that she allowed him to sway her so easily?

But no matter how badly she wanted to deny it, Rey knew there was an easy answer to the question.

After weeks of emotions running wild to the point of creating vivid fantasies in her dreams, it had become apparent that Rey couldn’t lie to herself anymore. What she had deemed impossible in the past, had indeed happened.

Ben was growing on her. _Badly_.

After managing to pull herself together and the intense redness from her cheeks had lost its scorching heat, Rey eventually summoned the force required to get her out of bed. On her way out of the bedroom she grabbed her phone from the nightstand and walked into the kitchen as she mindlessly scrolled through the various notifications that had accumulated through the night and early hours of the morning.

A Snapchat from Finn holding up plane tickets for his and Poe’s upcoming trip to the Philippines.

A text from Rose who was looking at wedding gowns with Paige, pleading for mercy.

A few likes on a recent post she had made on Facebook.

A DM on Instagram from…

Rey froze, staring at her phone in disbelief. The username of the DM was one she recognized, as it was a person she had been following for quite some time.

She quickly opened the message, only to feel her heart race uncontrollably in equal amounts of surprise and shock.

 

> **AmilynHIllustrations**
> 
> Greetings. Thank you very much for your comment on my most recent upload. I found your reflections on the piece rather inspiring, which in turn made me want to have a browse through your gallery. I must say I am very impressed by your work and your well-developed personal style is extremely refreshing to see from someone as young as yourself. In particular, I found the piece “ _Darkness Rises_ ” especially intriguing, as the way you’ve played with light and depth is nothing short of exquisite.
> 
> Meaningless ramblings of praise aside, I wanted to extend an invitation to you. If you feel so inclined, I would like to invite you to visit my studio and have a chat. If you have an online or physical portfolio, you could bring that as well as I’d love to see more of your work. I hope you don’t find my request too forward, but should you want to decline, simply disregard this message entirely. The phone number for the studio is listed on our webpages, so give me a call if you’re interested.
> 
> Best regards;
> 
> _Amilyn Holdo_

 

Rey’s mind went completely blank as she stared, mouth agape. She went back and re-read the message several times, only to come to the same conclusion every time. It wasn’t a ruse. It wasn’t a mistake.

Renowned artist Amilyn Holdo had praised her and invited her for a visit to her studio.

_With her portfolio._

A loud, ear-piercing scream shot through the apartment as Rey squealed in excitement, jumping up and down on the spot as the sheer insanity of it all hit her. 

* * *

 

Later that day, Rey finally managed to gather enough courage to make the call to Holdo's office. After a brief chat with her secretary, Rey was booked to come visit the upcoming Friday around lunchtime. The next thing on her agenda had been to update her online portfolio to showcase the pieces she liked the most, as well as those who showed the most skill or versatility. The rest of the day became a scramble of dragging out every single painting she had in storage and scattering them about the living room to get decent shots of them, as well as determine which ones would make the cut.

While Rey knew nothing would probably come of it, there was no way she would be able to settle with showing off just about anything. Amylin Holdo was one of her greatest idols. A woman of remarkable reputation and skill within the world of artists. While she herself were nothing more but a simple amateur, she at least wanted to make sure she showed off her very best pieces when she had the chance.

A few hours into her work, a couple of soft knocks came on the door. Rey walked over and opened it, only to find Ben stand in her doorway with a brown paper bag under his arm and carrying a tray of hot drinks. Only when his gaze dipped did Rey realize she was still in her pajamas. Her hair was gathered in a messy bun on the top of her head, which she was sure had to clash completely with his well-kempt self. The moment they locked eyes, Rey instantly felt the butterflies return to their eager fluttering inside her abdomen, as she tried to push the memories of her dream far into the back of her mind where they belonged. It was a lot harder than she had imagined.

Because by _God_ he just looked so _good_.

“Talk about a blast from the past” he hummed, making Rey pry her eyes away from him and observe her own outfit. She almost laughed out loud. This was the same pajamas that she had been wearing when the two of them first met and she showed up at his door.

“Ah, yeah. You know me, I live to entertain” she muttered, trying to smother the embarrassment growing inside her chest.

“Did I come at a bad time?” he asked, seeming a bit amused at the scene in front of him. Rey swallowed, momentarily lost for words.

“Oh, um… Well, I’m just documenting all my art pieces, so the apartment is a bit of a… _I’m_ a bit of a mess” Rey laughed.

Ben smiled as he held up the tray he was carrying.

“It sounded like you were doing some heavy renovation work up here, so I figured I’d get you some fuel for the fight”

Rey’s smile instantly fell away from her face, both in surprise by his gesture but also because she realized exactly how loud she probably had been.

“Sorry” she muttered, making Ben shake his head.

“Like I’m one to talk. Here”

He reached out to hand Rey one of his cups and the paper bag, carrying the familiar logo of the pastry shop down-street from their apartment complex.

“Your regular mocha. These are just a couple of the same Danishes we got the last time we went by. You know, the ones with the raspberry jam that you went so crazy over”

Ben’s eyes flickered as he spoke, yet if he was making fun of her, Rey found herself unable to care.

“Thank you…” she breathed as she accepted, beyond grateful for his concern.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll leave you to it”

He held up his own cup of what Rey only could assume was his regular dark coffee, before starting to walk over to the staircase. After a few seconds of contemplation, Rey eventually relented. Her apartment was a battleground. She was a mess.

_But she didn’t want him to go yet._

“Hey” Rey called after him, making Ben stop and turn slightly towards her. She held up the bag.

“If you don’t mind waiting, we could go back to your place and share?”

Ben smiled softly, making Rey’s insides turn into a mass of violent tangles and knots.

_Damn him and his good looks to hell._

* * *

 

Rey’s living room was anything but in proper condition for company, but she didn’t really expect Ben to mind for the few minutes it would take her to get ready. Ben followed hesitantly behind her as she walked into the living room, seeming somewhat in awe. Rey sent him an apologetic look as his eyes scanned wildly around the room, taking in the massive amounts of artwork lined up along the walls of her apartment.

“Now I understand why you didn't want to have the hangout here" he started, walking along the wall as he peered at the selection. He gently kneeled by one of the rows, seemingly taking interest in a piece Rey had painted a few weeks before, depicting a snowy forest and mountains.

"Do you mind?" he asked, pointing to it. Rey simply shook her head.

"Go ahead"

He picked it up and stared at it for a moment, his eyes narrowing slightly. Rey felt her heartbeat quicken inside her chest, finding herself somewhat regretting inviting him in. After a few moments Ben smiled.

“Well, color me impressed"

"What for” Rey asked, scratching her temple uneasily with her finger.

Ben put the painting back down before turning to the next row, tipping a few of the canvases forward to be able to look at the ones further in the back.

“Not that I don’t admire the lifestyle you kept up before, but seeing…”

He gestured with his hand around the room. “Seeing all of this, I guess I’m wondering if waiting tables and pouring beers is what you really wanted to do”

Rey swallowed. While Ben already knew of Rey’s love for painting, they had never really discussed their respective goals and hopes for the future before. Because of that, it took a while before she managed to form a reply.

“I guess you could call my jobs an in-between“ she said quietly. Ben dug his dark gaze into hers curiously, as if trying to read her mind.

“An in between what?” he pressed. Rey felt her fists clench involuntarily.

“I don’t know” she replied honestly, albeit a bit more sternly than what she had planned to. 

“Not all of us has the luxury of being able to do what we want from the get-go… nor have the funds to support whatever we want to do for that matter” she muttered, shifting slightly from one foot to the other. Ben looked away, as if ashamed he had even brought it up.

“But, to answer your question…” Rey started after a few moments of silence, making Ben dare look back at her.

“It might sound childish, but I don’t really have a set path. All I know is that if you asked me, I would reply that painting for a living, whatever that may entail, would be a dream I’d strive for”

She sighed.

“But to do that, I first have to lay the foundation to reach it. One step at a time. That’s why I work… _worked_ , so much. And that's why losing one of my jobs was such a big deal to me. Now, I'm almost back to square one. But I'm not giving up”

Ben kept looking at her, as if completely perplexed.

“Every time I think I have you figured out…” he said quietly, seemingly more to himself than to her. Rey raised a brow.

“Pardon?”

He shook his head, obviously happy to leave it at that.

"Mind if I have a look around while you change?"

Rey smiled. While she felt somewhat embarrassed about the idea, she was also quite charmed by the interest he was showing.

“Feel free. I'm just gonna pick out some better clothes and freshen up a bit, so I won't be long”

Ben simply nodded at her.

“Take your time”

 

As Ben returned to browsing, Rey rushed into her bedroom to pick out an outfit and brought the clothing with her to the bathroom to get changed. As she stared at herself in the mirror while washing her face, she noticed a slight feeling of unease gnawing at her that she wasn’t completely able to place. Ben always made her nervous, but this felt a bit more intense than what it usually did. Rey had always been extremely protective of her work and never liked it when any of her friends tried to go through them, especially without her being present for it. 

But this was different.

Considering the meeting she was having with Holdo in a few days, maybe letting him roam now wasn't such a bad idea after all. Ben was someone who showed both knowledge of and an genuine interest in art. While she didn't enjoy the thought of him tearing her work apart with his criticism, there was a chance that his feedback could prove constructive.

Swallowing the massive lump of nerves that had grown in the back of her throat, Rey quickly changed into a sweater, a pair of tights and a black skirt, before grabbing a bottle of dry shampoo to freshen up the mess of hair now hanging into her face. 

As she worked to detangle her hair with her fingers, Rey suddenly realized the opportunity she had created by inviting him in.

Ben were seeing most of the paintings for the first time, and would be able to act on his first-impressions. In that way, he could help Rey define which ones were the most striking among the pieces, which would help her narrow down her selection for her updated portfolio. 

Rey smiled widely to her own reflection as she grabbed her brush and put her hair up into a pony tail, meticulously making sure that every lock lay perfectly back against her scalp. 

She wondered which pieces he would like the most. He seemed to be drawn in by her landscape pieces, so maybe a few of them were her best bet? Maybe if she showed him the selection she already had made, he could comment on- 

Rey stopped, feeling all blood drain out of her face as another realization hit her like a landslide. In her eagerness to invite Ben in and spend more time with him, she had completely forgotten about the most important painting of all.

_That painting…_

_She brought that one out as well._

Dropping her hairbrush to the floor, Rey rushed out of the bathroom and into the living room, desperate to see if there was still time to save the situation. Ben stood with his back to her, having picked up a painting from one of the rows by the corner and was staring at it quietly. 

Rey stopped in her tracks, feeling her heart sink like a stone in her chest in horror.

_No._

_She was too late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again! Man, I love writing the tension between these two as it blossoms. Is Episode 9 here yet? I need my fix.
> 
> And I know, this took a while to complete. While I lost a bit of time due to injuring my hand at work, that's not been the main reason it took so long. It's been an interesting process to complete this chapter, as I basically had chapter 16 ready the moment I posted 15. But it didn't feel right. So I wrote another. And it didn't work. I wrote another. That one didn't work either. Many weeks later I finally finished this, and ended up with 60 (!!) pages of unused material! I guess you can call it the very opposite of writers block, lol. The creative process is truly remarkable at times. But the good news is all of that will be used for later chapters, so it was still time well spent! Sometimes, it just doesn't feel right when you see it as a continuation of what you wrote previously. In those cases, I find the only solution to be starting again.   
> My endless rambling aside, thank you for your messages requesting this chapter, as always I am truly humbled by this lovely fandom. I hope you enjoy this one, and I swear the next one won't take this long, haha. <3  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's reaction to seeing Rey's painting of him is everything Rey feared it would be. Poe and Finn's departure leads Rey to make an unexpected decision.

“This…” Ben started, his words trailing off into a mere whisper. When he didn’t continue, Rey swallowed audibly.

“Is you, yes…” she admitted sheepishly, feeling extremely humiliated. This was a secret she was supposed to take with her to her grave. She had never even entertained how she would handle the situation if he ever did find out about it. As a result, she had no idea what to do now that they were here.

Ben returned his gaze to the painting, his eyes darkening somewhat.

“I figured as much”

Rey felt fear rise like bile in the back of her throat. How could she save this? There was absolutely no excuse she could make. The only option she did have was offering him the truth.

“It was after the night I saw you outside…” Rey began, voice quivering. “You know, the night I found you bloody on the bench in the backyard”

Ben stared at her blankly. He didn’t even have to say anything, as Rey could easily tell what he was thinking.

“Look, I know this might seem ignorant and insensitive of me, but I didn’t really plan to paint it or anything… it just sort of… ended up that way. The scene just stuck with me and before I knew it…”

Rey shook her head in resignation.

“It was done”

Ben remained silent, staring into the canvas as if it would offer him an explanation itself if he only looked at it long enough.

“So, this is how you see me?”

The hurt in his voice caught Rey off-guard. She took a step forward, suddenly desperate to eliminate the distance between them. But Ben’s aura had grown dark and menacing, leaving her completely unable to enter his space.

“No, Ben… It’s not-“

“Then what?” he demanded, finally looking at her. His normally composed demeanor was cracked wide open, letting Rey peek in at the broken young man she knew existed somewhere within. And now, she had been the one to stir him to life.

“No matter how you try to explain it, you’re absolutely right. This _is_ me. The real one. And let me tell you, you’ve captured him _perfectly_ ”

Rey had never seen Ben this upset before and the sight was nothing short of heartbreaking. The guilt raged within her, burning her insides to nothing but ashes and dust. In spite of herself, she managed to take another step towards him.

“You’re wrong”

He glared at her.

“Am I now? Because this-“

He raised his hand and pointed at the painting accusingly with his finger, hand trembling.

“This is what I see every goddamned time I look in a mirror. So, don’t you even dare tell me I’m wrong”

Rey felt tears starting to fall down her cheeks. The sight made Ben’s hostile expression falter for a moment, only to fall back into a scowl moments later.

“I thought you understood...” he remarked quietly, looking away. Rey desperately shook her head repeatedly.

“It’s because I understand that I know you’re wrong!” she blurted out, unable to stop herself. Ben seemed somewhat thrown and opened his mouth to retort, yet Rey kept going before he had a chance to.

“That person… might be you. But it’s not _all_ of you”

She steeled herself, balling her fists to the point of her nails drawing blood within her palms.

“There might have been a time that I too thought that side of you was the only one. But then you showed me more. Now, when I look at you, I…”

Rey’s voice cracked, and she swallowed to try and regain enough composure to keep going. She took a few steps towards Ben, who stood rigid and impassive as he observed her.

“When I look at you, I see all of the countless good qualities about you that I failed to notice in the past. You’re a man with the ability to make those around you happy. People like you and cherish your friendship, and you stick up for those you care about when they need you”

Rey pointed towards his portrait, barely able to see due to her teary eyes.

“In spite of harboring that side, you remain such a great guy and I just… I don’t-”

Ben’s lips parted slightly as his gaze softened. Rey managed a weak smile as she tried to gather her fleeting thoughts into coherent sentences.

“You make _me_ happy, Ben. And _I_ cherish you, because you’re always there for me…”

Ben took a step towards her, leaving them only feet apart from each other.

“Since I too harbor a side like that within me, looking at you now gives me hope. Because while those people are a part of us, it’s not _all_ of us. Because you’re so much more than just the broken boy you identify as. Ben, I…”

Rey sniffled pitifully as her voice once again left her, reaching up to wipe her tears away with the back of her hand.

“I just… care a lot about you”

Ben blinked a few times, as if stunned by her confession. Rey hung her head forward, unable to look him in the eye anymore. Never in a million years had she expected something like this to happen, but she had indeed royally screwed things up. Now, all she could do was wait for his judgement.

“I’m so sorry for everything…”

The sensation of a hand on her cheek made her look back up. Ben was looking down at her softly, gently cradling her cheek within his palm. He sent her a weak smile before wrapping his arms around her.

“Come here” he murmured, pulling Rey towards his chest and hugging her tight towards him. The gesture took Rey completely by surprise, yet the moment she fell towards his warm chest, encased by his arms, her heart finally began to calm behind her aching ribcage. It was far more than what she deserved right now. But she had no way of pulling away from him.

“I’m sorry, too” he said quietly, making Rey shake her head as she buried her face in his sweater.

“Don’t” she said quietly. Ben leaned his head down to rest his chin on the top of her head, tightening his grip around her shaking form.

“No, I overreacted. There was no reason for me to get so…”

He hesitated before sighing quietly.

“…so emotional. I know you had no ill intent in mind, but I just…”

He trailed off, seemingly searching for the words he needed.

“I’m a mess sometimes” he relented. “It’s just somewhat of a sore subject for me, seeing that person has destroyed almost everything I cared about. My family. My career. My dreams…”

Ben’s voice became but a whisper in the back of his throat as he spoke, betraying just how difficult this was for him.

“I know he’ll probably always be there, in some way or another… And I know that there are certain things I can never get back, no matter how much I wish for it… But what matters most, is that I’m still here. I'm still fighting”

He gently pried Rey out of his grip, forcing her to look up at him.

“We both are”

“Ben…” Rey breathed, making him frown down at her.

“While you having similar experiences is not something I’d ever wish for, I’m still happy… in a sense. Because you make everything just a little bit easier for me to get through just by being here”

Ben reached up one of his hands, hesitantly at first, then with a bit more purpose. Using his thumb, he gently wiped away a tear from Rey’s cheek.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is… you’re not alone”

Rey let herself fall back towards Ben’s chest, and he didn’t hesitate to hug her back. She felt her heart almost bursting with emotion, completely unable to pull herself together. So many feelings fought for dominance within her. Regret. Sadness. Compassion. But the affection she felt in this moment for this man, put all of them to shame.

By simply existing, he made the very foundation of Rey’s world seem a little bit sturdier.

“Neither are you…”

* * *

 

A few days later, the day of Finn and Poe’s departure finally had arrived.

Rey and her friends had all followed them to the airport, wanting to see them off before they left. While Rey was sad to see them both go, she had to admit that the adventure they were about to have sounded extremely exciting. The initial plan was to stay away for four months, but their stay would be either shortened or extended depending on the work opportunities.

After taking their rounds of handing out hugs and offering their farewells, Rey noticed Finn stopping by Ben and discreetly pulling him a bit away from the group while the rest of them were engaging with Poe. The two exchanged a few words before Finn offered Ben his hand with the stiffest expression Rey had ever seen on him. Ben however seemed a bit amused by whatever was going on, and firmly shook Finn’s hand with a small smile on his face. Finn then walked over to Rey, whom he had saved for last. He pulled her into a long hug, lifting her up from the ground as he held her close. Rey, who had been struggling against her tears for a long time already, finally lost her battle.

“Take care of yourself, Rey. I’ll message you often” he assured softly, his voice full of emotion. Rey tightened her grip around his neck, desperately trying to avoid bawling like a child.

“You go have fun now, alright? I’ll be looking forward to seeing how you guys are doing”

Finn parted from the hug and looked at her with a smile so full of love Rey felt her insides melt. His eyes were swimming with unshed tears, yet he somehow seemed to keep himself somewhat composed.

“I promise”

Poe came up by his side, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Ready to go?”

Finn nodded a bit reluctantly, before ruffling Rey’s hair lovingly and offering her forehead a kiss.

"See you, Peanut" he hummed, voice cracking slightly before turning around to walk towards the security checkpoint alongside his boyfriend. His shoulders started to shake as he walked away, betraying his emotions had gotten the best of him as well. Poe reacted by reaching out his hand and holding Finn's in support as they entered the massive doorways up ahead and disappeared out of sight.

As soon as they were gone, Ben nonchalantly strolled up to Rey, positioning himself next to her.

“He’ll be back, you know” he said, not looking at her.

Rey sniffled before wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, wishing her tears would stop falling.

“I know” she echoed, taking in a deep breath to try and gather her emotions back into line.

“Finn is the closest thing to family I have. It’s just hard to see him go because of that”

She peeked up at him to assess his reaction, although he seemed as impassive as if she had said nothing at all.

“By the way, what did he say to you just now?”

This sparked a reaction. Ben blinked a few times, inhaling sharply, before chuckling slightly to himself.

“Nothing much. He just wanted to inform me that if I go back to acting like an ass to you, he’ll come straight back home and kill me”

Rey had to laugh. After the incident with his portrait in her apartment, they had luckily gone back to acting just like they had done before. If anything, the experience seemed to have brought them even closer together, making Rey's affection for Ben continue to blossom.

“Hope you’re not planning to, then” Rey teased, nudging Ben’s arm with her elbow playfully. He looked down at her with a smirk.

“Don’t tempt me”

“Rey, are you coming?”

Rey looked over at the rest of the group hovering a few paces away. Paige was waving her hand eagerly, while Rose was staring absentmindedly out into the air in front of her. Considering their plans, Rey didn’t blame Rose for her lack of energy.

“Just a moment!”

Ben looked down at her quizzically.

“Fun plans for the day?”

Rey chuckled quietly to herself.

“Rose, Paige’s friend Jessika and I are going to be Paige’s bridesmaids at her wedding. We are going downtown to pick out gowns”

Ben let out a huff as if he was far from amused by the thought.

“Judging by looks, I’m with Rose on this one. Although…”

His eyes shimmered as he sent her a quick look. It was enough to send Rey’s heart into a fluttering mess. He seemed to notice her stupor, as the smile that crossed his lips was anything but subtle.

“I guess imagining you in a gown isn’t half-bad”

Rey felt her soul threaten to leave her body behind. While he said it incredibly casually, his words carried so much weight that Rey couldn’t even form a witty reply to disarm it. He turned towards her, still looking no different than he normally did.

Paige separated from Rose, who had fallen into conversation with the rest of Ben’s group. She came over to the two of them before offering Ben a quick nod.

“Mind if I kidnap her for a few hours?” she said teasingly, making Ben’s gaze flicker dangerously.

“She’s all yours. Best of luck with the shopping”

Paige smiled before Ben turned towards Rey.

“See you later, then”

Rey returned his smile before he started walking off towards Hux and the rest of their friends. The moment he was out of earshot, Paige shifted uneasily beside her.

“I wanted to ask you something” Paige started.

“Shoot” Rey said, having already guessed as much from her approach.

“I know you already returned your RSVP card, but I was wondering if you still intended to come by yourself to the wedding?”

Had it been anyone else, Rey would have immediately called them out on poking fun at her. But Paige was different.

“What do you mean? I already said ages ago I’m not bringing anyone”

“I know” Paige said quietly, sending Rey a quick glance, before looking back at Rose and the others. Rey trailed her gaze and saw Ben look up over at them, his lips parting slightly as Rey laid her eyes on him. Her heart promptly did a small somersault in her chest.

“But there is someone you’d _like_ to bring, isn’t there?”

Rey swallowed nervously, keeping her eyes locked on Ben as he started to walk out of the departure hall alongside Hux and Mitaka. Noticing she had hit the nail on the head, Paige simply reached out to give Rey's arm a squeeze. 

“Think about it” Paige said quietly as Rose started to walk towards them. “We’ve gotten a few late cancellations, so it’s no problem at all. Just let me know”

“Seriously, what a vibe you two are giving off” Rose remarked as she caught up with them, seeming amused. Rey cleared her throat in discomfort, trying to chase her unease from before away.

“Are you sure you guys aren’t dating? The chemistry between you two is almost ridiculous” Rose continued quietly, as if she was afraid of the answer it might provoke. Rey simply sighed to herself.

“I’m sure. But I’m starting to wonder if you’re right”

“Really?” she said, seeming genuinely surprised. “You were so eager to deny it before. What changed?”

“Everything” Rey confessed, shaking her head. “I know it might sound stupid but…”

She hesitated.

“I dunno, he suddenly makes me… nervous”

“I don’t blame you” Paige hummed. “I mean, he is damn attractive”

Rey had to laugh at that.

“I guess, but… it’s not just that. It’s just, when he looks at me, I just feel like he… sees me. All of me, even the sides of myself that I thought I had buried for good. I don’t know what that means this path will bring, but…”

Rey frowned, shaking her head again.

“ _I just know I want to keep spending time with him_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we've seen yet a glimmer of the emotional core of Benjamin Solo in this one. He is a very complex character and this is far from a straightforward matter to him, so it's only natural for him to react strongly to it. I like how Rey's honesty about her growing affections towards Ben is what pulls him back from his depressed state though. Love is a strong force.  
> Anyway, I finished this chapter up at a VERY late hour so I apologize if I missed any typos or weird sentences. I'll proofread again after I get a night's sleep and fix any annoyances. But for now, I hope you enjoy this one! Thanks a lot for being here!  
> ~NovaeBeSols~


End file.
